Re-framing. Tough to explain, but here is an example.
My W is "deliberately not divorced or separated". Been having affairs, and until recently a stay at home Mom.
Now, I could look at this as taking advantage of me, using me,...OR....that I am providing a safe, sane place for her to figure herself out.
My choice is what do I choose to think of this?
I am being used. OR
I am providing, like for a family member having issues, and may not be compensated. But I do it because I am kind, etc.
No matter the reality of the sitch, how YOU chose to look at it is in your control.
You have a fear (understandably) of breaking her boundaries, pushing her away. So staying away, letting her lead is either a reaction to her, OR, you deciding that YOU need space, to learn about you, etc. Which feels better? Perception is reality, and you control perception.
Hope that helps a wee bit.
And yes, I am providing a safe, sane place for her to figure herself out atm.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Last couple of days have been up & down. Took the kids out to diner on Tuesday night had a good time. Hung out at the house before hand with the kids & dogs, miss those darn dogs. During this time W was at school conferences so didn't get to see/talk to her.
Did text her earlier in the day about our Excel Energy bill; which had a weird vibe to it. Turns out that both addresses had the bill in my name & since moving out I have never received a bill, but the bill from the old address was forwarded to my new address with a disconnection notice on it. I called Exel to get it squared away but to get my name removed from old address I had to "0" out that balance, which I did.
Here is where it gets weird, texted W told her about it. W "thanked me" but wondered why my name on old addresses account bothered me. She thought I had an motive behind me getting my name off account; I didn't. Told get u was driving & couldn't text, had her call me later.
Phone conversation was "normal" & "serious". We both talked about us & how things were going. All in all nothing no questions were answered it problems resolved & divorce was never brought up. I didn't push or pry which was something I never planned on doing.
As hard as it is going to be....try NOT to look into every action, comment, word she says or doesn't say. It will drive you crazy.
Did she mean that..or could it be this...did she stare at me too long..does that mean she is thinking about me..
Focus really on you and the kids.
Peace, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Holy crap W called to get some information for the bankruptcy we are going through and it turned into a b!tch session on what a terrible H I was. She only brought up negative parts from our M & mentioned the things I did wrong. She said that she has noticed changes but feels they are only being made because I'm lonely.
W did take responsibility that she started seeing OM to quickly. Says that she is living day to day & just wants to be happy. Don't know what to think about that statement.
