I did this 7 years ago with luck. Wondering if anyone has had success the second time? Thinking it may not work twice. I feel like he has in his head he won't let himself go back again?
I know I have a lot of work ahead and I know now you have to keep working to make it last.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Several questions. 1. Why did you create a new thread when you only had 39 postings on the old one? You can change the title for your postings within the thread and you won't get dinged for 100 postings or even a little more. Try to keep to one thread until you've reached the 100 mark. By having more than one thread, it's sometimes difficult for us to follow your growth.
2. What are you asking when you ask has anybody had luck twice? If you are referring to your h beginning his crisis 7 years ago and then being interrupted by something you did...well, it's better to allow him to finish his crisis because he will just continue to begin again and again until he's finished. Also, each time he is interrupted and he begins again, his behaviors will get worse.
My advice, don't try to manipulate him or interrupt his crisis. Give him the time and space to finish it up. Hopefully when he does finish, he'll be a far better and more mature man who will be someone you want to be with. Until that time, work on YOU and do the things that you need to do such as lists of things you've put on the back burner, learn something new and most of all rediscover the woman you where when you met your h.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job I didn't mean to put it here. I didn't know how to delete it. What I was asking has anyone else done it twice with success. I realize he didn't finish 7 years ago and needs to our start over and/or finish. Thanks
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
That's okay...just wanted you to know that you can change the subject line on your other thread.
As far as I am aware, and I've been here for a long time, no one has returned to say that the second time around it was a success. I also post on other forums and the same there. Generally, when they go out the second time, many lbs will get so fed up they divorce them and go on w/their lives.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I also want to point out that what you are seeing on this forum is a very small portion of the community that is experiencing mlcers and walk away spouses...so, please keep in mind, that there could very well be some folks out there that have gone two rounds and reconciled at some point. No one knows what will happen w/their respective situations...but you can have hope and help yourself even more so if you leave him alone and allow him to come to you, as well as living your life to the fullest.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
NAP -- just because someone wants out of a marriage doesn't make it a MLC. H has a drinking problem it seems. At least, you are suffering from being in a relationship with someone who abuses alcohol. Are you in Al-anon or anything? Is he in AA? What about a couples recovery program?
You both seem pretty detached and close to done. It could be an opportunity for real healing to happen, who knows.
I never said just because spouse leaves means they go through MLC.. Yes, my H has an alcohol problem and is working to that. No I have not been to al-anon but I have gone to counseling for it. We have not been to couples recovery program. H will not go to counceling. We went before and he didn't like it. Yes, my H is definitely done he says and I'm close. I will keep on with my life but the door will always easy open for change.
Definitely something has to done about the drinking and I hope he will continue on that path.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Thank you for your advice. I was just wondering if there were people here who have one back know again.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
My H left for the first time in 2000 for a couple of months. Asked to come home..apolgized, said it would never happen again! Left again in 2009, moved in with OW, filed for D but didn't follow thru with it. Was gone for about 15mos and asked to come home again. Although I don't feel that I did anything to interrupt his MLC...I was ready to finish the D and move on...I should have not let him move back in right away...he obviously was not ready to come home but that did not become apparent until he'd been home for a year or so! He is definitely one that is stuck...has been for a long time!
He went back to the same OW. When he came home, he told me how weird she was and how he couldn't believe he had ever been attracted to her. And yet, here he is back with her. So, who knows...
Who knows if he will want to come home again...I can tell you that "I" have learned some hard lessons...he will not be able to walk back into my life as easily as he has the last 2 times!
BD-Aug 2009 OW Confirmed H moves out Dec 2009 D filed by H-Mar 2010 H asks to come home April 2011 BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW! H ran away again! 1-18-2014
