Link to my sitch. Was in WAS but not much interaction. This is the 2nd time in 7 years I've been here. I was successful then. We'll at least to keep going another 7 years. I don't think it's fling to work this time. I want to work it out but not as much as before. He definitely doesn't want to and it just feels altogether different. I'm going to do my best but I feel he will not let himself go back again??
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
If you've been here before, can you share what your user name was back then so that we can go back and revisit your old postings if they are still in the archives?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi. They are and its the same name. Its also liked on the above post in the beginning. Thanks!
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Well..H said he wanted to file for divorce right away. Was in no hurry before so I could get benefits with his new job. We haven't have them in 10 years. H the proceed to tell me he hates me, wants it over and done. H will not make the same mistake and come back like last rime. Hates everything about me and can't stand to talk to me. He is pretty convincing this time. Last time at least there was some physical contact. Nothing this time. H started in on how I was bitch can't talk to him without starting a fight. He was already in a bad mood when he called.worked a long day. I didn't raise my voice or start anything H just kept saying I can't St talking to to you...... I did make a comment (I know shouldn't have) when he started in about how bad I made the marriage. I said you didn't have a drinking problem our whole marriage we wouldn't have had that issue either. H said there you go beating that into me again. I feel I don't have the strength to fight for this the 2nd time. H is so angry and all I see is black in his eyes.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I read your postings and I see where you and your h were doing the distance/pursuer dance the first time around, as well as the ow was in the picture. When he returned, how long had the ow been out of the picture? I think he returned too soon and didn't complete his crisis the way that he should have.
What happened in the last 18 months that started him back on the road of crisis mania? Losing a job? Death of someone near and dear or a friend, etc.?
I want to caution you that this time around, if he is in crisis, it will be different and far worse than the first time around because he really wants out and be that single guy w/freedom all around him. From what you've posted, it sounds like his crisis has begun and replay is stepping up. The best advice that I can give you is give him plenty of space and time. If he wants out, let him go, don't try to convince him to stay because that will make him more determined to go. Don't argue w/him. It just gives him more justification to leave. One thing I learned is not to point out their errors/mistakes. I know you are trying to point out about the alcohol and how it may have created some issues, but you can't rationalize w/someone who's brain is mushy and filled w/anger right now.
Step out of his way and allow him to fight w/himself. You will need to take care of you and your children. Make sure you have your finances in good shape and begin putting money aside. Your h, if he's entering into full blown replay will begin to spend money, say some really off the wall stuff and begin to act like a teenager. Don't try to explain to him that he's in mlc...they don't like us to try to diagnose and/or fix their problems. Lots of space for this one.
Live your life to the fullest and allow him to swing in the wind.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you so much. I agree with his healing, etc the last time. It was about 3 weeks from what I remember between break up and reconciliation. We didn't continue working on us either. H didn't think we needed to. H then a year or so later started a new career path school and training lasted over 4 years. Then trying to get a job in career still hasn't happened. Very disappointing. I am planning on backing off and little contact. He is very angry now with me and because he cut it off with OW. IF HE wants D I'll give it to him. I'm ready to move on and start my live new! If it works out it does, if not.... Thanks!!
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
This is my original post from this time around. May give more insight?
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Part of his problem is the withdrawal from the ow and he's having a difficult time w/that and yes, he's going to blame you for that. Give him plenty of space and time to choke on. No more pointing fingers about things he's done wrong, i.e., you are not his mother. Your h needs to grow up and has to do this on his own. While he's blazing a trail through mlc, it's a time or you to learn about yourself. Start and/or finish up projects that have been sitting on the back burner. Think about the person you were before you married and that may be the person you want to be again. This is a time for you to do those things that you haven't done in ages, experiment and just have some fun.
Be yourself, but also live your life to the fullest and have some fun along the way. Leave him to God and twirling in the wind.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
