bent not broken

[willbwell]

My story is the usual one...Around our 20 yr anniversary, h becomes distant.
I get the bomb 2 months later.
h does the usual mlc stuff. new car, trainer, new clothes,ow. he turns 50.
we separate. he comes back twice. I allow it.it lasts 2 weeks each time.
h files for D in oct.

I am back in school. I am taking care of me and kids. I GAL, I do the right healthy things for me- yoga, sleep,IC. I am spiritual. I know joy. I know my blessings.

I feel sad for h. h thinks D is the answer. I still don't want this. Have no control over what h does. I am trying very hard to trust the process. to drop the rope.

I read a lot here. It amazes me the script and how many of us have found ourselves here.

I struggle sometimes with all the true hurt and pain in the world- wars, disease, sickness, loss of a child...how could someone just be a source of pain to their family?

I know my h is in pain. I know this is his journey. But, honestly, I still have a hard time accepting him not doing the work. it is disappointing. I do/did expect better of my h. h knows this. he also knows I am forgiving. we are amicable. regardless of outcome, we will forever be parents to our children

ultimately, I know I will be ok.
I tend to be very optimistic about the New Year. It gives a chance to begin again.

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories.
May we all experience peace in the New Year

PS, I was trying to look up and find how to link my other threads....can't find that info...

[job]

Here are two of your threads:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2398180#Post2398180

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2389398&page=1

[willbwell]

thanks Job, How do I do myself for future reference?

[bustingout]

WBW - to the new year! I pray 2014 is a year filled with less pain and more peace. I agree that it's so hard to understand how just one person can cause so much pain to their own families.

I like GMs suggestion of a post just about you! I can't wait to read it!

[willbwell]

well, since I started a new thread. I thought I should put in the back story about h.

About me.... I am one of 8 kids. raised Catholic. My dad died of lung cancer when I was 6. My mom raised all of us on her own. Going back to school to get her RN. and then later her masters. She was never interested in dating. My dad was the love of her life. We are a very close knit family. We all went on to lead successful lives and marriages...

My mom has 30 grandkids.

I was in a competitive sport as a kid and did well. It opened up other opportunities for me. My mom loved traveling and in fact when we were in HS, She took a month long trip visiting Europe and Asia. I too got the love of travel.Did a semester abroad and that is where I met my h.

After college, I went to the Peace Corp. h went to do his thing, I was doing mine, but we came back together after I returned. We were married a year later.

We decided before kids we should travel so we took jobs in Asia.
We were there 2 years when son #1 came along.

We came back to states with no jobs and no health insurance.

H's job moved us all over the country. We have lived in 6 states. Great places! I always enjoyed the moves. We've been in a current location 7 years now. Its nice to have roots.

My kids are great. Smart, funny, healthy, kind.
My youngest has CP. she had issues right after her birth. She had a tough first two years. She is an angel. so sweet. so easy,

I am taking classes at the community college. Medical assisting. I will finish in Sept. I enjoy my classes and like being busy. All the years I was a stay at home, I was very involved in the kids school and of course my d's therapy.

I love to read. I love to do yoga, I have great friends and a great and supportive family.I play my music loud and sing loud. I love being with my kids! I like to be organized and on top of things. I love the beach. I like simplicity

So, that's about me....

[willbwell]

ok, sorry, but I have to post about h again. NEED ADVICE.D is coming quick...
h and boys are skiing due back in town tomorrow.
h calls to see if they should get a cab/. I said no. I'll pick them up.
all texts /convo's to this point going usual,amicable.

h asks about d15 staying with him tomorrow night.
says he's leaving town on Tue. for work.
He did this last year-last minute. h was full of headcold but had to go to Chicago

I said we'd talk when he got back that I had wanted him to have d tue night as I had plans.
He immediately gets Angry and starts bringing up discussing the D papers.
I said sure we'll talk about it when he gets back.I did ask what he was going out of town for. He says work.

He is high enough up in his co. He doesn't HAVE to work NYE.
I did not say this to him or that I do not buy it.

he continues with the papers talk.I said he's getting angry and its about choices.

my plans are no big deal and really I have never been a fan of going out NYE. I was only doing it because of the sit...
Not really for ME.

If I say to h now, I've changed my plans. Go ahead and leave town. no worries. Do I look like the compassionate, kind person that I always am? OR the stupid fool that allows h to do whatever it is that HE WANTS?

I'll just love you from a distance. You go do what it is that you feel the need to do. Here I am standing. ignoring. trying to be patient and feeling my own self respect take a hit

BTW, both h and ow work for an airline, so travel anyday any time is a nonissue.

I see the getting mad when he doesn't get his way...

[willbwell]

I'm reading. I'm taking notes.

what I am learning.

I put too much emphasis on h.
he has been top in my life. God should be top in my life.
I do pray. I have learned to shift my focus to God.

I need to create my own new life. I am doing this by going to school, continuing to be a great mom, friend, sister, person.

I recognize what I am fearful of( This is where I need help in learning to overcome)

I am fearful of all the crap that D will bring. D is not good and there is bound to be more hurt up ahead for me.

I so hate wasting time and money. Already so much money has been spent. . I grew up poor and sorry but it is just such a waste. Money isn't as big of issue to h. He doesn't think twice about spending it. While married, while life was good. I didn't think twice about it either.

This is a fear. I will now have to worry. Worrying solves nothing. I know.
Others have it much worse. I know.

Time. I will have to deal with the mess of divorce. No way of getting around it. Its not how I want to spend my time but what do I have here?

I get to choose to spend it with an open heart?
My fear is my underlying bitterness.

Let it go. So easier said than done.
No, I don't want to be stuck and I have just got to push through.

who knows, maybe I will feel better when it is all done!

[willbwell]

ive already retained a L as has h. I don't really care for my L now.have had 3 visits. Yes, I could change L's if I want to spend more $ and go thru the story again.
For some reason,. I want a female L. H's L is a female.

[willbwell]

h just sent a mean ugly text.
Thanks to this site, I know better than to respond.
I will leave it....

have to pick h and boys up at AP later. h's car is here at house.
I will be my usual kind upbeat self.

I am not the one dealing with anger issues right now.

[LoisB]

Stay strong Will, it's not about you. Let his issues remain his, no matter how much he may want to spread the "wealth."

You are doing great.

Lots of love,

Heather