I feel like I need a break. I am tired. I have been the primary caregiver of my kiddos since BD (honestly since January 2012). Due to maternity leave at the beginning 2013, I have not had a day off work since February 2013 (other than the weekends). I have not even taken a day off or called in sick despite BD. I normally take off time for the holidays, but I don't have any days the rest of this year. Although I really want to stand for my M and to become a better person, I am tired of this struggle/journey tonight. I am been trying to GAL and keep myself busy to stop thinking about the sitch, but dang it is exhausting. I am just plain, old tired. Instead of just complaining, I am going to come up with a good plan to give myself a break. I am just too tired tonight to think of one
Hi 3, sorry you are having a rough night. I can relate to the feeling of just being exhausted. And I have two kids who are older and no job, so I can't even imagine how you feel.
I really think it's OK to complain for a bit, but yes, more productive to make a plan. Out of curiosity, why doesn't your H take the kids to his place ever?
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Thanks M. My H is currently living with his parents. They live one mile from our house. I really don't want to complain about the current situation and force him into getting his own place. Plus, I really enjoy knowing that the kids get to sleep here every night. If he is not ready to get his own place, I am not going to push.
My job is the thing that is killing me at the moment. It is the end of the year, so I am trying to met my billable goal. I normally blow my hours of the water, but since BD I am working less hours and just less productive. If you look at my hours by month, you can totally see the exact timing of BD. This is the first year that I am cutting it close and it is stressing me out some. I am not sure why I even care, but it my stupid Type A personality. I should officially meet my hours tomorrow, which will eliminate some pressure.
Thanks labug. My H has the kids Wednesday and Friday evening/night, but they still sleep at my house (see post above to M). Although it is not much, it is a ton more "me time" than I have had the past couple of years. It is refreshing and I do enjoy my time to myself.
Ugh, 3, that was the thing I hated the most about being a L. Billable hours. Ugh. At my first firm, we billed in .1 hr. increments. I still have dreams nightmares sometimes that I turn in my time at the end of the month and only billed like 10 hours.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
I was away for a day or so but I am feeling much better. I apoligize in advance for this rambling post. I met my hours at work so that is a big stress relief for the rest of the year. Now I can pretty much work part time through the holidays. So excited!
I had a minor surgical procedure yesterday that I guess I was more nervous about than I thought. Also a huge relief to have that over with. It was weird to not have H there with me. My mom came along and helped with the kiddos after. H cant drive on Thursday and I just really needed to do it on my own. Another step to make me feel stronger even if I am alone. My mom stayed the night and it was awesome to have another adult to hang out with after the kids went to sleep. We just watched tv and chatted. It has been so long since H moved (and checked out before BD) that I forgot what it was like. I had a great night and got a good night sleep thanks in part to some lovely pain meds.
I found out over the weekend that my H's team at work that he killed himself building over the past two years may fall apart. H was an a call when we were on an iuting together with the kids this weekend. This is the team that caused him to work everyday for a year and to neglect being a dad/husband. The OW also works on the team, although of course he is the only person not threatening to leave. H realized that he had been operating the team at a loss so he told everyone that is would be charging a certain amount so that each team members expenses were covered. He would not be making a profit just getting closer to breaking even. Everyone, except OW, is threatening to leave and being vicious in the process.
My H loves his work and honestly I am proud of him. It makes me sad to see people that he has seriously bent over backward for be so petty and mean. I sent h a sort email saying that I am sorry that he has to go through this because he does not deserve it. H claimed I was not supportive in the past so I wanted him to know that I thought it $ucked and hoope things improved soon.
My H is so consumed by his work and committed to it that he does not realize that business is a cut throat thing where everyone is out for themselves. Despite the fact that he helped everyone on his team triple their business this past year all his hard work may be gone. It worries me that this may put him into an even darker place. I know that I can't fix it and this is for him to deal with, but is makes me sad because I do still care about him. It just [censored] to think that he may have thrown away his W and broken our family for his team that may also be gone. Especially because I know that H knows I would have had his back in life no matter what.
On another random note, h has been noticing that I have been more selective in responding to his texts/emails. Honestly I have been so busy that I am just not getting a chance to respond. He asked me about it the other day and I said I had just been slammed with work and the kids which was true. I am working on finding a good balance between making H annoyed and holding my boundary.
Hi 3, I wrote out a long post to you earlier this morning but then my computer went all wonky and I lost it.
I am soooo glad for you that you are feeling less stressed and you will get some well deserved time off work! Yay!
I am sure it was difficult for you to have to go through the procedure without H, but I think it's great to look at the positive side - you are stronger than you think, and you can do whatever you want/need without him. That's great that your Mom stayed with you and stayed over to give you some company. Does she live in town? Does she ever watch your boys so you can have some 3bm time??
I am so impressed with the compassion you have for your H, even after all the crap he has put you through. I think a lesser person (which is probably most people) would be content to be bitter and might even take pleasure in her H struggling. I admire you, and your H is a damn fool if he doesn't see what he is missing.
I think it's good that you haven't had a chance to respond to all of H's emails. It's good that he knows you are busy, and you don't sit around waiting to hear from him. And you seem to be doing a great job of keeping your boundaries.
You are a rock star, 3. Keep your chin up and be proud.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
