Ttd, I have told him he needs to move out, twice now, with no movement. I need to have a more serious type of ultimatum, but don't quite know how to word it effectively.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Okay, I get it. Going to Avalanche game with S is a trigger.
See it for what it is, sit back and wait quietly (while not biting off your tongue) and see what happens. I assume S will tell you if someone else is with them or shows up.
It could all be perfectly innocent and his way of GAL after all the turmoil and he could see it as reconnecting with S. Is that possible?
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
I've arrived at the point where I am going to tell H not to come home tonight and his bags of stuff will be on the porch. I had a talk with S that I will be asking his father to move out. S has known about OW since this all began which is a rule my H has broken between us and has pushed my boundary.
I'm not worried about the game as much as I am him setting a terrible example for his S. And I can no longer deal with someone who treats a marriage this way.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Here is what I texted and called and left a msg on his voicemail:
I will be packing your stuff and leaving it on the back porch. You have broken a rule we had set about our son knowing about your mistress. This is no longer acceptable behavior for a father and you have broken boundaries agreed upon as a husband. Find some place else to stay and best wishes.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Am thinking about you Pud and I admire your courage too.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Pudmuddle, I am sorry he's violated the boundaries that were set. He now knows where you stand and hopefully he will respect your wishes.
You have exhibited courage and I do hope that you are okay. Be kind to yourself and definitely take care of yourself too.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sorry to hear about the change in your sitch., but it seems like him remaining in the house has bothered you for some time.
The important thing about boundaries... we have to be firm and consistent. Otherwise we lose credibility and they go about doing things as they want. I know in my sitch., my W really felt the consequences of her actions for the first time when I changed the locks on the house. I don't think she gave much thought to what she might lose. Watch for the emotional tsunami, yours and his.
Hope you're ok 