Had a much better time at my family Christmas than I ever could have imagined. Nobody mentioned the fact that my W wasn't there. They obviously all know what is going on, but did not attempt to bring it up, which was awesome. I did not want to spend my Christmas time talking about my W or our situation. D got TONS of new clothes for christmas! It was great. She has been growing so fast, it is hard to keep up with how quickly she changes into the next size!
When we got home, W had her father and brother over for a small Christmas get together. It was really nice to see them both. W had a bit too much to drink and was making an ass of herself. At one point she drunkenly said how this was my fault. I shrugged it off and kept talking to her dad. When she felt that she wasnt getting the attention she wanted she then made a comment about the pie/cake knife that was given to us for our wedding. She said "remember this thing? We got this on our wedding... OUR WEDDING. what a joke!" and started laughing, like it was some ridiculous notion.
Nobody else seemed to think it was very funny. I let this also bounch off of me, and decided to help my D with opening some more of her gifts.
Later i reflected on the night, and thought about how cruel and uncaring my W has become. I really tried to think hard about why I would want to be with someone like this.
The truth is, I don't. I don't want to be with the woman she has become.
I received more workout supplements for christmas. Protein, Creatine, Fish oil, Multivitamins, Pre-workout. I'm ready to rock and roll.
Checking in CC-Haven't heard from you in a while. Hope all is going well.
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
I have not found myself needing to tell my story with as much frequency anymore.
My emotions have been almost enitrely in check since Christmas. Contact with my W is minimal.
A few updates:
I ended up going on a date with a woman i met. Had an awesome time. Ended up turning it into an all nighter. I was not sure how i would react to sleeping with someone else, but to be honest, it was amazing.
My confidence that I will be ok no matter what continues to rise.
W let me know she is moving out this weekend. I offered to help.
The roles have become somewhat reversed. She has become an emotional mess. I have become an unwaivering rock. Things just do not seem quite so important.
I continue to work out and am seeing great results.
I do not know what is going on with this other woman and I. We are both very attracted to eachother, and we have GREAT conversation. I'm not willing to give away my heart to anyone, anytime soon. But I feel like we draw closer every time we talk.
W does know about my date. She does know that it turned to sex. She is quite jealous even though she says she is not. Her actions speak quite loudly.
Listen dude noone can tell you obviously how to live your life but I think that was kinda vicious and vindictive to sleep with someone else and then tell your W. Don't try to make her hurt. Just remember life will repay you whatever you ask it... Your W probably felt like her and OM had great convo too, did that make it ok for her to sleep with him. Maintain your dignity even when others don't bro.
She found out that i went out on a date and asked me if i was having sex. I did not want to lie to her because i know what being lied to for months on end feels like. I wanted to be honest with her.
If that makes me sound vicious and vindictive then i apologize.
We had a very long talk after all of this went down. I let her know how things were going to be going forward. If she wanted to work on things, i'm totally on board.
If she wants to continue to see the OM and be with him, than I am simply going to do whatever it is I want to do.
However i don't really appreciate that i came in to update on my story and get attacked by someone calling me 'bro'.
No prob man, just trying to help. You're 4 months into sitch and there will be many ups and downs, I just don't want to see you complicate your sitch by involving OP because feelings WILL develop. I was the worst man ever after my 1st W left for OM and I slept w/ many women. Why? Because I could, and it left me so empty when it was all said and done. Even now being a Personal Trainer i'm very careful of my interactions with my female clients. I know this is a tough road but as a man that's now piecing after 9 months of HELL I just won't you to know it is possible because I swore my W was done and not coming back. Our issues don't change 'WE' do.
I just don't know how you could allow this to continue for 9 months.
I feel like i have gotten to a point in my situation that I feel I'm not sure if I even want her to come back.
I am making all of these changes and making myself better. Physically, Emotionally.
Making myself more interesting. I tried Sushi for the first time ever. Actually learned to use chopsticks.
I started doing Yoga (which completely upset her. She wanted to know why i wouldnt go with her).
I am trying to become an interesting person. And when I look at her... She is not making any changes. She is Regressing. Gaining weight, Becoming more Bitter and emotional.
Why do I want that.
Maybe I have fallen into a "grass is greener" stage. I don't know.
I do want you to know that I am not trying to be mean, or rude to my W. Not intentionally. I am just trying to let her do her thing, trying to distance myself from the chaos.
I get it BIG time!! My W did all those things. Your W is hurting and hurt people hurt people. I even got to that point and oddly enough that's when she started to come around, invite me over to her place asking me to sleep in the same bed as her and so on. In my case there was never OM that I know of. That would have certainly proved to be a huge task but what I do think is I dealt with the EA as an IDEAL if that makes sense. She just kept saying theres someone out there that will appreciate me. I thank GOD everyday i didn't have the OM as an issue. The grass isn't greener either, all grass has to be cut and tended to. Hang in there, all I can tell you is if you maintain your dignity be you and noone else and seek God 1st your sitch can change i'm proof. That woman you fell in love with she's still in there some where, she's just under a pile of rumble and ruins just love her. Not because she's your W but because you're a strong man that has a friend that's hurt. At the end of the day no matter what happens you'll be glad you did.
I D my 1st W and I never thought i'd be here with this one, but the truth is I brought 'ME' to this relationship. And they are 2 completely different women, yet I got the same situation because I didn't change.
