Wanted to start a new tread because things are moving forward. I have come to grips that its over but still have hope. I am still DBing for myself and my s. I told w this morning that I was confused about her attorneys email about setting a trial date. She said it was sent to make sure I was doing what I said I would do about refinancing the house in my name. Kind of a threat, huh!! Driving to work this morning I felt sad about the whole situation. Even knowing that her whole family is saying she is wrong in what she is doing and will regret it. I really do appreciate all the support I have from my family, her family, especially her mother and my friends. I pray every night and day that I stay on track w DBing.
M 43 W 35 S 6 BD 7-11 Served 5-2-13 Sep agree signed 5-12-14 Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14 Divorce hearing set May 2 Divorced May 2
Try not to get involved with what the in-laws are saying, even though it must feel good to hear. I honestly don’t think it will bring anything good.
I am very happy to hear you are continuing to work on you, that is what it is all about. What you are going through now might just be part of the journey that has to happen.
Stay strong and positive
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Thanks Jp. The whole new house that she really wanted to get I think has fizzled away. But I do believe when she moves out it will help our situation because its real tense at home avoiding each other. She was so gun ho on this house she told our s he would have presents at both places. Well, the Xmas tree is up at our house w 3 stockings. She has been a little warm to me the last couple of days but I think it's because she's been sick a little. I even text her a pic of our s at his first basketball practice which she really wanted to go to but was sick. She text me back saying how cute he looks and to tell him how proud she is of him.
M 43 W 35 S 6 BD 7-11 Served 5-2-13 Sep agree signed 5-12-14 Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14 Divorce hearing set May 2 Divorced May 2
Whenever I see people posting about their situation living at home together & it being tense or uncomfortable etc, I still feel very envious that these people have the opportunity to apply the DB principles in this environment.
I am almost certain that if my wife and I were living together under the same roof, even as room mates, she would eventually change her mind about the separation. At the moment I see her for 1 or 2 minutes when picking up & dropping off my son 3 times a week. That is no more than 15 minutes in total spread over the week that she has the opportunity to see anything she might be attracted to.
When living together under the same roof I believe you have the perfect opportunity to apply the DB principles to their full potential. As soon as you no longer live together you don't have that advantage.
If things are tense that is your opportunity to "Act As If". Act as if things are not tense and that you are 2 people that get along together. If she wants to be in a bad mood and avoid you then that is up to her, you can't change that immediately, but you can change you & you don't have to avoid her. You can be upbeat, friendly & kind at all times and I think eventually your behaviour could rub off on her. If you are not tense then eventually she won't be tense either.
I felt I had to comment here because I don't want you to waste this opportunity to bond and create a connection while you still have the chance.
Don't take for granted how lucky you are to be under the same roof. This is a great advantage.
Me: 34, Wife: 34 Son: 2 Married: 8, Together: 14 Wife moved out 8/25/2013 Divorce papers received 01/10/2014
Fight, Not disagreeing at all, for some of us physical separation is what has to happen to make changes. For me, I was unable to give my W space and she needed to get away to breath. For us her leaving for nine months gave us our second chance, it took a lot of courage and strength for her to do that.
I get why you feel the way you do, when my W left I thought it was the end. Honestly, it doesn't always mean that.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
That's good advice jp787. Sometimes space is not always a bad thing. I think it depends on the situation, and the people involved. Kenva I know exactly how you feel about the tension in the house! Just keep staying on your plan. Sending positive vibes.
I agree that it depends on the situation, and which version of our spouse we're getting that can make a same house DB attempt fruitful or futile.
If your spouse is buying new lingerie, tanning, dieting, leaving for days at a time, locked phone, new passwords, and still trying to deny an affair, its possible its just too much to handle.
For other people, natural DB'ers, its amazing how they can just tune it all out. Every situation is different. And of course each person needs to decide what the need to do for themselves and their sanity.
An update and looking for some input. A few days ago my attorney called and said wife's attorney wanted to know where we were on the separation agreement. Which my attorney told them to write one up. Her attorney said we are using the original one which I dismissed a long time ago. Leaving it up to w to draw up another one since that we have been talking and what we talked and what she originally sent are different. So we are speaking on occasion about this end! I was going to bring it up sat mornin but just got an email from w wanting to discuss Xmas. She asked if it was ok to take our s to her parents Xmas eve and we can discuss if this is something I want to be a part of as she wants us to get along. And on Xmas mornin our s wants her family to come over like we have been doing for years. So!! Do I lie low in this legal stuff and concentrate on Xmas since I was surprised that she even considered me a part of Xmas eve? Last year I went but drove separate , advice from DB coach. I do have an appointment to talk w coach next week.
M 43 W 35 S 6 BD 7-11 Served 5-2-13 Sep agree signed 5-12-14 Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14 Divorce hearing set May 2 Divorced May 2
I just wanted to share some of my thoughts. Whenever I see people posting about their situation living at home together & it being tense or uncomfortable etc, I still feel very envious that these people have the opportunity to apply the DB principles in this environment.
Same here. You learn all this stuff you wish you knew before she left and you can't do a single thing about it except wait. It [censored] the big one but that's where we're at.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
This morning was complete confusion with me. I went out last night till about 1 in the morning. Came home and w had changed a hanging picture over the bed I am sleeping in. I was on couch w s drinking coffee and for the first time in 5 months she sat on couch , in the same room with me. Then she pooted saying Oops!! What was that ? Really confused but am staying the course of what I have been doing.
M 43 W 35 S 6 BD 7-11 Served 5-2-13 Sep agree signed 5-12-14 Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14 Divorce hearing set May 2 Divorced May 2
