Newbie needs help:husband left Saturday

[TL72*]

I just read your whole sitch since you had kindly responded to mine. I was struck by some of the similarities, I got the BD on 1/6 so i'm 3 months behind you. He gave me divorce papers within a week. It was so much to process and I see my feelings written out in your posts! It [censored] but so glad others are posting so much wonderful advice and they understand. I found this board early on and started reading everything I could so by the time he moved out (just a few days ago) I was preparing to go dark and was already detaching (or trying to). We don't have kids so there is no reason for him to contact me and he hasn't yet. I was thinking the same thing as you, is this MLC or is it just over? Then I read so many kind responses you got about how it doesn't matter, we must move forward in the same way. This is their journey. I hate that you're here but at the same time i'm glad that i'm not alone when I felt I was the only one going through this craziness. It is hard to not be obsessed about it, I too am reading everything and that causes me to think about it all the time. Then I talk to friends and family. It just all happened so fast yet the time goes by so slow. I feel like it's been months and months since BD when in reality, out of nowhere it happened and divorce is now final in April and he's out the door! I got a "see ya later" when he left. no hug, no nothing. Like you, up until he left you would never know we had a bad marriage, no discussions, we slept in the same bed and ML more nights than not. I do suspect an EA and i'm sure he's making it a PA by now. Sorry to hijack your thread - just wanted to share with you that you're not alone and that your posts to me were very helpful (about the low testosterone thing we discussed). Keep posting and I know there's lots of people here that will help you through this. So happy I found this board. No one else seems to understand MLC like this place.

[dxw689]

Thanks TL72: It means a lot to see your post, since I do not get so many responses from others lately. I think this too - quote by you: "It just all happened so fast yet the time goes by so slow." My emotions cycle frequently: I do a lot of reading here and from other books, practice exercises in gratitude, getting a life, etc: But even all of that can be pretty tiring and I still feel pretty obsessive about the sitch. I suppose things are gradually getting better for me. I still struggle with some self-blame: I was really going through my own difficulties with my attitude regarding my career in the last years, which could make me pretty irritable. I think I had a tendency to put off blame onto my husband without meaning to - but I also think there was a big sexual component to this, which I think he did not communicate to me and so I did not take seriously enough. And so I think I have to learn to forgive myself: There were a lot of things I was trying to work on already- both regarding the marriage and not - even if I did not succeed, I realize I really was trying: (meditation, reading, yoga...) - now I am trying even more and harder. That is one thing I was thinking about yesterday: even before this happened with husband, I was already on a self-improvement, GAL-kind of tear. So acting on all of this advice can feel a bit like, OK, how much more do I have to do - all the time - but it is really about acceptance. Acceptance of the situation now and acceptance of yourself. And acceptance that you cannot change your spouse's mind OR DIRECT THE FUTURE. But you can affect your own attitude in the now and that can change your future for the better - you just don't get to be the director of how.