M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Well I'm not sure if I did a good job already with the 180. Definitely not no contact. H called and I didn't answer.(good) H left a message and I returned the call a little while later. He didn't answer so I hung up. H call back and asked if I needed help with the kids tonight since they had to be two places at one time. I said I could probably do it,it was not a problem but thanks. H said I will take D to gymnastics and you can take capital S 2 his banquet. I said that was fine thank you. Very nice and cheerfully. H said that he got off early and was going to do some other side work and then come to get her. I said we were going going to have dinner before if you wanted to join us.H also mentioned he was so tired due to working all day yesterday and being up at 4 this morning. I sent him a text saying if you wanted to come here and take a nap instead of going home and then back here for dinner and pick up D he could do so. He that he could do with side work another day this week. That's probably where I went wrong because that's something I always do suggest. Although he did text back and say thank you I'll see how it goes. I also shouldn't have invited him for dinner. But being nice and not arguing is a 180 as well.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
It takes a lot of practice to nail down the 180/37 rules.
Asking him to do anything can be taken as chasing. You need to show some mystery, you need to show you can make it.
I know it feels like your making some progress, or that what your doing might be hurting things at times. But that's just you trying to fix things. You cant.
Its best to let him go, find/see his own faults while your working on your own. Fear can really overwhelm us, cripple us, but you have to over come those anxieties to take the baby steps to get on top of your life. Your life starts when you take control, not respond to what he's doing or saying. You'll get there, it just takes time.
Thank you! I hear you and yes it is challenging everyday. Sometimes I feel I am starting over daily but I keep trying. Baby steps!
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
My husband says "never, never" and then in another sentence my he will say "were not ready or not now". Which is it? It does show "I think"? they too are confused?
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I am now not contacting H at all. Except if absolutely necessary for D/S. This is going to be hard but necessary. We are just not getting along.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I think that's the hardest first steps to take, to let go enough to not REACT to our spouses spewing/emotions/actions.
To PRO-act in a way that we can separate ourselves from the roller coaster and still not let ourselves feel like every interaction is a make or break deal.
You in SoCal where the weather is always nice, giving you more things to do? Or NorCal where the weather starts to limit some of your options? Do you have a family base close by? Who/how are you confiding in? Be careful with that part. You need support, but you really don't want anyone that is picking a side, that's not gonna help.
Thank you both for the replies. Yes, breaking that chain of arguments/conflict is hard. But trying! I live no NorCal and it is freezing right now. No I don't have family here. I have a good friend I talk to.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
My H sent me a text and said "you are going to the Xmas party now"? I sent back "what party"? Then H said his work party. I said to call me because so much gets lost in text. H called and said that his boss said his wife called me and said I was going? We are good friends with them. We have not told anyone about the break up. I told H I hadn't heard from her and what was I supposed to do. H said tell her you have to take the kids somewhere. I said he needs to say something and she hasn't called me yet. I then said how are we supposed to have Xmas together when we can't even go to a party together. (I know this breaks my NC) Plus H never talks to me at a party anyway. H said okay since you are making a big deal about it you can go. I said no I wasn't making a big deal I was just asking a question. I said no I wasn't going. "Go, no" went back and forth a few times until I said okay.
So, I will go back to NC until Friday. I am still unsure if I should go. I know he doesn't want me to. It's only because we are all friends.........
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
