I'm new to this forum and to MLC...This is my story ( very long )
My H is 34 (English) and I'm 33 (Thai), together 10y , married 6, our son is 5
i will share some backgrounds first... we met 10y ago , after 1 year we got engaged and next day tsunami hit the island we worked so we lost everything, went back to UK to work and saved money then came back to Thailand, there were ups and down, tried to build our own business, got cheated by good friends of H, the worst time was 3y ago when we invested a lot of money and the guy who saved his life at tsunami betrayed us (now i think that guy was maybe in MLC as well and money trouble)... After i read about MLC now that i realized the changes in H from 3y ago. He became more distant with me and our son. Worried about his weight and didn't spend much time with our boy.. I was also under a lot of stress, because i was a full-time mom and also worked for our business. We have scuba diving business.
Anyway, last year we decided that we would move back to UK after busy season ends in April . But in Feb. H's dad passed away, he was in his 50s and it was a shock for H, we flew back for the funeral. after 3 weeks me and S5 came back to Thailand first and H stayed for 3 more weeks to help his mom sort out legal stuffs. That's when A started !! When he came back, he was very distant to me, but was closer to S5, H hardly talked to me, didn't want to be near me, no dinner with us. He went to bed early, left me in the office every night. i was worried about him... anyway, i thought he was just going through the trauma of losing his dad... But after 2 weeks we had a talk, i told him i understand that he was really upset and i wouldn't pressure him to work much but it would be nice to see that he appreciated what i was doing for him. He was getting better, Thanked me when i did things for him...etc. we went out just 2 of us for a date before he flew back to UK with s5 I was here waiting for the visa, during that time he's been very distant (was chatty in the first 3 weeks then faded)... In august i found emails by accident that H and OW sent to each other. She was his g/f from 12y ago, broken family, with a 4y old daughter. H told her he was aware of if i knew the truth and he didn't want to hurt me like that, anyway, it seemed like he was really in a "love land", like this 10y with me never happened.. H planned to leave me and s5 as soon as i get there and started a food business that i planned with him (he changed after 2-3 months, got a teaching job instead) 5 days after i found out, he moved in with her and took s5 with him (they stayed with H's mom at first) First i got really upset,angry and i did all the wrong things for few days. Then i read about MLC and i changed. I prayed, meditated and read a lot about MLC, although i was worried about my son so much. I could see OW is a controlling person. Never saw a smile on my son's face again. just over 2 months later they broke up, after i told him i wasn't going to UK anymore, just send my son back... H's mom told me later that OW pressured H to choose between her and s5, H chosen s5 so they left the next day. He emailed me right away saying that he didn't want to break up with OW, that's not what he wanted...but he did it for s5 ..really ?? H found a flat to live alone now, as he can't take care of s5 so his mom is doing that until i get there.... H lives many hours away from his mom. He visits them every weekend. Been texting me more often, and sent more photos of s5 every weekend which he didn't before. He emailed me and said "sorry , we haven't talked, things haven't been good recently. I'm sorry for all the pain i've caused you"
I didn't react, tried to detach and take care of myself. I'm missing my son terribly and it breaks his heart too. He told me OW punished him and told H's mom that OW smacked him too, on his legs. He's been having a few nightmares of OW and is scared that is he does something wrong, he would get sent back to her house. even when he dropped a coin on the floor it really upsets me but there;s not much i can do here as I'm still in Thailand... I told him that i will be with him no matter what. I will not leave him I've learnt a lot (i think) about MLC, i feel calmer since i understand it. I know i have to leave H to travel through this tunnel alone, i definitely don't want to be in there :-) I'm trying to focus on myself and my son.... Let's HOPE and FAITH be my friends from now on :-)
That's my story
Thanks for reading
H 34 Me 33 son 5 Together 10 Married 6 Since my dad died, i feel like life is too short. My head is going to explode. I don't know what I want in life anymore. I just want to be happy.
The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy book by MWD, Divorce Busting is also an excellent book.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read. This is my ultra brand new and improved list of links.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
The stages of MLC as rewritten by HB from Jim Conway are a template which can only be laid over an MLCer's experience retrospectively. It's impossible to see the pattern until it has finished being laid or the crisis is complete.(nickel Cyrena). So do not be too concerned where your MLC'er is in this process. (Although my general guess is that they are in REPLAY)
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what he says and 50% of what he does.
I would not ask him anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about him. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. Something to DO while you are on moderation. GAL. Eat, sleep and take a deep breath. In general take care of your self first. Detach the single most important thing to DO.
Your H has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely
In the past 3 months, I've been reading so much about MLC, now thinking back his MLC probably started 3 and half years ago (could be more but who knows) I'm focusing on my son and myself. H's been texting me more often but i only talk about our son and my visa, nothing more. Trying to keep distant and don't show emotions to him, it's getting easier but i know it can get worse before it gets better...
Living one day at a time
H 34 Me 33 son 5 Together 10 Married 6 Since my dad died, i feel like life is too short. My head is going to explode. I don't know what I want in life anymore. I just want to be happy.
Since the beginning of November, H started to send me photos of s5 every weekend and texted more. I try to keep it short and brief, only talk about s5 and my visa. Showing more enthusiasm in the conversation, lot of kinds words like; good, great, amazing, well done, nice, etc " I don't react on that, trying to remind myself that he's still in the tunnel, just a nicer MLCer i guess.
H 34 Me 33 son 5 Together 10 Married 6 Since my dad died, i feel like life is too short. My head is going to explode. I don't know what I want in life anymore. I just want to be happy.
even when he dropped a coin on the floor 
