wife hardens heart-6

[planet]

past threads...
wife hardens heart-5
wife hardends heart-4
wife hardends heart-3
wife hardends heart-2
wife hardends heart

[planet]

I came in here while I was in a daze and about 2 weeks later we are already meeting with a lawyer. Everything happened so fast.

What i was referring no taking the high road to to stop short in revealing her EA and events leading to it and after. That is all. There is no point in saying anything at all back then although I do want to after discovering the emails.
The concept of EA is pretty much alien to many of us here, even my L was pretty much oblivious to it. If it is not PA then nobody will give a damn.

I pretty much explored every aspect of what I could do legally when I consulted both Ls. I will try again.

What do you think if I set up a meeting with elders so we could trash out an agreement regarding the kids and they could bear witness to it. Private agreement with XW does not seem to cut it anymore. Looks like she is trying to dishonour her words.

[MrBond]

If she and the OM are Chinese, then saving face is very important. She's managed to reverse the shame onto you as the one to blame. You are going to have to push a little to start protecting your kids.

[planet]

Hahaha.
You guessed it right. We are ethnic Chinese. OM's an overseas Chinese. He came here to further his studies and work after graduating.

XW is prepared for the fallout. She doesn't even care anymore. I have seen it happened. She IS that Crazy.

To her family and probably some friends, I am the one to blame. They don't know the whole truth and they haven't approach me. Besides, we all take sides. MIL did tell me to ignore what I will see and I find that to be a very strange statement. Now, it's pretty clear what she meant.

Yesterday, MIL was pretty upset and hardly acknowledge me at all. Most probably it got something to do with 2 nights ago. It's all that with her family, they will only listen to themselves.
I did once told MIL that she only hears one side of the story and I have not told her mine. That really shocked her but I guess she doesn't really want to hear it. She kept really quiet and did not continue with her blame-shifting on me.

My family and some friends are different, they will encourage me to see things from the other side. Sometimes I wonder if they are even on my side. My family have been praying for XW.

[MrBond]

Then what you need to do is find a way to get her parents on your side. Be ultra nice and humble. Give them something to doubt what their D is telling them.

[planet]

This evening FIL mediated matters between us. He's surprisingly calm and understanding. We agreed on several things.

We agreed that this marriage is over.

We agreed that she's in another relationship. FIL was peeved when he found out but I stopped him from continuing. Said that I'm not interested to know.

He also said that it's natural when one woman is sad, it's easy to fall in love with another man. I guess her family accepts this man now.

FIL and MIL saw how XW wrings any thing I have to say. At least they know I'm not the real brat here. She blames my family again for ill treating her. Still harbors plenty of resentment.

I told them I wanted XW to share some information regarding the kids with me.

FIL said I can't punish D4 the way I did earlier. XW did want to use this punishment in the past but she came out with a pretty good excuse this time. FIL said he did not punish his kids and they turn out alright. I beg to completely differ and his way is the exactly the reason why I need to discipline them.

She decided to sent the girls to the art class now without informing me. She said that she doesn't want other kids to know we are divorced. I find that statement strange. I think it's because OM was there to accompany her. Imagined that, OM becomes Mr.Planet because my Ds carries my name. Totally mind reading but nevertheless funny.

[MrBond]

" I beg to completely differ and his way is the exactly the reason why I need to discipline them."

What is YOUR idea of discipline? Do you hit the kids?

[planet]

I did slap their shoulders and legs when they misbehave. XW is the one who canes them.
It is very rare for us to punish them physically. For me it is even rarer.

D4 is out of control at times. She will defy anyone, almost like XW. This is what i'm worried about. Their line of thought is to allow her to continue to behave this way and wait till they are older to explains things to her while hoping she will outgrow her behaviour.

[planet]

What now?
XW is in a new relationship and everyone is forced to accept it.
I did not treat her the right way and as a result she found another that treats her way better than I ever did.

Sometimes I question whether she's ever in a fog as we termed it here. This new love is very real to her and she did mention that she will enter into a relationship with OM after the divorce. She said that she doesn't love me anymore in the last heart to heart talk before I moved away. Everything has come to frutation.
I don't think 'believe in nothing what I hear, half in what I see' even applies here.

What do I do now?
Is there even any hope in this?
Do couples even reconcile in such cases?

[MrBond]

So both of you spank your kids? You do understand that you don't need to discipline them physically. I can tell you that doing so WILL NOT make them stop their behavior.

My W and I have never physically hurt our kids as discipline and they are extremely well mannered. The problem is that you are blaming the kids for misbehaving when in your case the blame falls on you and your W.

You both hit them out of frustration because you can't think of any better way to discipline them. Have you and your W EVER tried reading and actually Practicing good parenting techniques? It sounds like the two of you haven't done the work for that either.

The problem is that if your W believes in caning them, so will the OM. How would you like it when the OM starts beating them too?

Both of you need to learn how to be good parents.