One giant leap forward! - Part 9

[T1000]

Old Thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2392068#Post2392068

[T1000]

For the last 3 weeks thoughts of W has crept in and I had warmed slightly to the idea.
This last week she had contacted me nearly every day about one thing or another. Sometimes I chatted others I was brief.

I was wondering if she would want to discuss what we discussed a few weeks ago where I said I would think about it.
On the way to drop the kids off yesterday she texts me:

W: Just letting you know that OM2 will be at the house when you get here.
Me: Great stuff!
W: Sorry....just thought I should let you know
Me: I guess I just presumed when you told me you were wanting to work on getting our family together that you were single. More fool me.
W: Erm....yes I told you that because I was at a crossroads in my life. I told you I that and you told me that you'd been the happiest you'd been in your life in months without me. I want us both to be happy. And you being happy is obviously without me in it.

And now to think about it...if you thought we were getting together is this how you would have been treating me?? Flippen heck...more fool me for thinking otherwise.

Me: You asked me and I said I would think about it. That was the last thing we discussed. I have been thinking about it. You could have at least told me you were in a relationship then I wouldnt have bothered.
W: Well that just goes to show the difference between you and OM2. I told him that I still had feeling for you and that I had to tell you. Needed time to sort my head off. He thought I was worth fighting for and you didn't.
Me: And this how you tell me!
W: If you find it too awkward coming to the house I'll pick them up from my mom's.
W: Would have bothered???? Have you actually been bothered.
What do you mean. .this is how I tell you?? I'm getting confused??
Me: Forget it.
W: Drop them off at my parents.
Me: I am doing
W: Nice Great communication skills as always.


When I got there W's car wasn't about.
I went in and W met us in the hall. As I always do I take the kids into the living room an settle them as I walked in W's parents were there as well as OM2.
I pointed at OM2 and said "what was the point of bringing them here if he's here anyway?"
W said we will talk outside. I shook my head and said goodbye to the kids.
Outside I said what the hell was that! You said if I find it too awkward I can drop them off at your Mums and you go and pull this [censored]!
She made up some excuse about her Mum inviting them there. I told her that was bullshit, she could have played this any other way, any other way and it would have been better than this.
I said you tell me you want to work on us as a family and I said I would think about it. I have thought about it.
She said that was 3 weeks ago and I've heard nothing. She said I mentioned that I was the happiest I had been in months.

I said yes I was. The last thing we discussed was I would think about it.
I said so while I'm there slowly letting the thought of us come back into to my head, you have already got fed up, got your entitlement crown out and decided to get back into another relationship. If you want to do that it's up to you….I deserved to know!!! Full stop!!

She mentioned something about OM2 fighting for her. I said he's welcome to get walked all over by you and what you think life should be. She said "Look, the best man won!" I said "Is that winning?"
"He accepts me for who I am"
I said you're pretty woman W, any single guy will do what you want. It's nothing special this early on.

This went on and on…..

I tried to walk away at different points but she accused me of walking off during a discussion. I was fine to keep talking just didn't want it getting to out of hand.

She said things like OM2 won't make her jump through hoops and that I would.
I didn't acknowledge it to her but she is right. I'm still way too angry about it all to just slide back into it. My main thoughts this week was about forgiving her and I'm not there or anywhere near.

She told me that she still loves me and always will but we are too opposite to work and she said I wouldn't move there and she hates my family.

I mentioned about her taking all this money off me and other things. I said I wanted her to do some of the driving and she actually agreed. I couldn't believe it! Time will tell.

I said if it's over lets get it over and done with. I said when I email you about the divorce stop dragging your feet and reply with counter offers.
She said okay.

Quite soon after that I left.

On my way home she text me:
W: Just as a reminder...needed the kids back the Sunday before Christmas so can we arrange for you to bring them back or not have them at all that weekend.
Me: Its not a reminder. We never agreed on anything. We were going to discuss it last Sunday because we couldn't agree via text.
W: Right how we negotiate this?
Me: How about, I will see if I can finish a day earlier (on the Thursday) and you have the kids here for when I finish work?
W: Yes. I think that will work. X
Me: I will let you know.


Later on..
W: Please can you look out the Christmas stuff for me?
Me: Ok
W: Thank you


This morning…
W: Can you bring me some more of that glue again. The kids wooden bridge didn't last!


I haven't replied.




During different parts of the conversation it felt like it was the end but at the same time she seems very confused. She talked like this was her last ever decision and it's been made.
I was angry after I left. About an hour or two after geting home I was totally fine.
This morning not so much and it took me a few hours to snap out of it.

I'm so glad I didn't let the idea in my head full throttle as I would be paying for it now. It was still there though, I'm only human.

[labug]

That's OK, you've grown a lot, she barely at all.

You can decide if it's the end, you don't have to wait on her.

This is difficult T, but you've got this.

[Mimi00]

When she told you OM fought for her.... she doesn't understand she left you, it isn't all that easy trusting again and you'd need some time to do so. Also she'd have to be single for that process to even start.

I didn't get a chance to catch up on the last few pages of your previous thread...but it does seem that since you were unsure about your feelings you didn't communicate fully how you were feeling to her and didn't let her know what all of the boundaries/conditions would be for you to consider returning.

I'd say this would need to have been thought of ahead of time as none of us know when our spouses will peek out of their fog.

She sounds like she's not ready to do the work it takes as she complained of jumping through hoops, but she needs to know it will not be easy if you two do move forward and as you said your self you are still angry and allow your emotions to step in on your behalf at times.

Hope this week is better for you.

[S4tk]

The part where she brings OM2 to her parents' place is total soap opera. Drama designed to drive you nuts and make you do rash things and look like the "not best man." Sorry T.

[Fartiltre]

T,

First of all it is good to hear from you!
At the same time I simply haven’t got words to express what I am thinking.

S4tk used the word soap-opera and that seems to describe this quite well. I think you handled yourself very well in all of this.

If I am to add anything Labug already said it: Your choice – you’ve got it!

Sorry that you had to go through this!

F

[T1000]

That's OK, you've grown a lot, she barely at all.

You can decide if it's the end, you don't have to wait on her.

This is difficult T, but you've got this.

Thanks bug
I agree.
Even though it's a divorcebusting forum I don't feel like D would the end. If anything I would prefer to be D'd and then maybe come back together. Mentally, being married, her leaving, 2 OM and then getting back together just feels wrong to me.
The old relatiosnhip is dead, this M is dead.
It doesn't dictate what the future holds.

[labug]

So T, don't get lost in the fog of trying to interpret why she did what she did, at any point, just ask yourself: "Is being involved in this drama the life I want to live right now?"

Don't take that victim position.

[T1000]

When she told you OM fought for her.... she doesn't understand she left you, it isn't all that easy trusting again and you'd need some time to do so. Also she'd have to be single for that process to even start.

I didn't get a chance to catch up on the last few pages of your previous thread...but it does seem that since you were unsure about your feelings you didn't communicate fully how you were feeling to her and didn't let her know what all of the boundaries/conditions would be for you to consider returning.

I'd say this would need to have been thought of ahead of time as none of us know when our spouses will peek out of their fog.

She sounds like she's not ready to do the work it takes as she complained of jumping through hoops, but she needs to know it will not be easy if you two do move forward and as you said your self you are still angry and allow your emotions to step in on your behalf at times.

Hope this week is better for you.

Thanks Mimi,
When we spoke three weeks ago I did tell her it wouldn't be easy and that right now I don't trust her and that I had to think. She had the info she needed from me at the time, it just didn't fit in with her rushed plans.

When you say she doesn't understand that OM2 fought for her but she had left me you are totally correct.
At the end of the day what am I fighting for...someone who will treat me like this...not worth the fight.

[T1000]

The part where she brings OM2 to her parents' place is total soap opera. Drama designed to drive you nuts and make you do rash things and look like the "not best man." Sorry T.

Through the whole thing I still felt like the best man. I still do, I'm quite content with that.
She doesn't realize this, she may never.