I admit that I suck at DB'ing. I have read the book multiple times, I've also read countless threads, other forums, ordered Marriage Fitness CD's and find myself ultimately incapable of not showing love for my wife in ways that push her further away. I absolutely understand that she needs space and probably a lot of time - I am trying harder to focus on spending all of my free time with my two children - giving them the extra hugs and kisses that I would love to give to my wife. My wife says she checked out awhile ago, of course like most men I had no idea. She had and continues to have an EA with another woman who fortunately is 700 miles away now that we've moved - but she remains glued to her phone 24/7 (sleeps with it). She has told me she does not love me any more (14 years married in a few weeks) - she has told me she doesn't love me like a wife should love her husband, doesn't know how to get it back, doesn't believe she wants to either. I have focused on myself - I am in shape, I look good, I work hard, I spend time with my kids, I do for her where I can (or she'll let me)...I just can't seem to keep it going for more than a week until a discussion on the R or D or S comes up. She hasn't left our home, we sleep in separate beds and I believe she is hanging around because she admires the relationship I have with my kids (which is stronger everyday since I took on a new job with a lot of time off). Earlier I admitted my faults to her and validated her feelings, I truly forgave her for her infidelity - but she shows zero emotion - I am like a stranger in my home.
I am depressed, I am hurt, I am mentally distraught and I don't know how anyone can put on a happy face when they feel like this in order to show their spouse a person they couldn't possibly want to leave. Our 14 yr wedding anniversary is in three weeks - the last R talk we had (a few days ago) I told my W I would give her what she wanted - space..no R talk, no showing of my love for her until our day. I think it will be a personal miracle that I make it that long, but it's my short term goal. I just don't understand how someone can check out and not want to dig in and get the love & happiness back...it's right there for the taking and it's the last thing she wants to do. Please, if you have any tips that have really worked for you in this situation, tell me how you made it through. Thank you.
me - 43 her - 34 married - 14 yrs Son 7 Daughter 8 The bomb - June 2013
