Hi all. I posted last night but don't know where it is. Anyways this is day 2 here in the forums. I had a meeting with our minster last night and we talked about a lot. He put in a way that is very true. I'm in a boat in the middle of this huge ocean with no wind and no north star for direction. He says my wife is to.
For those who don't know. I'm the one that had an affair. I'm not proud of this. I went about all wrong like I usually do. I've never be good at making the choices no matter what it is. The only right one I have ever made was my wife and I went off my focus.
The OW and I are done. I'm job searching so I can leave my job and not have my W think we are still talking. Till then I have to as the OW is one of my bosses. I work overnight and she opens. I have deleted her number in front of my W along with Facebook.
My wife says she doesn't know if she could ever trust me again. I understand that. I get I went outside our vows. I'm trying everything I can to stop this and save our marriage. She has agreed to work on it. I just don't know what will happen. We have a long history, since 8th grade. I'll be posting more. Thank you all for your time.
I am sorry for your situation, too many folks don't realize what they have until they may lose it. There are things you can and need to do to show your wife you are committed to her and your family. I hope you will talk to a DB coach as they are experts in helping you come up with a very specific plan (your north star, if you will). You want to be sure you are bringing her closer and not pushing her any further away. Take care and I would look forward to hearing from you.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
Why did you seek out an affair? Usually this happens because there are problems in the marriage, rarely do people seek affairs when they're in active, healthy, loving, sexually fulfilling marriages. You need to get to the root of that problem and solve it, because if you don't you're going to be back in the same sitch somewhere down the road.
If your W has said she's willing to work on things, then by all means seek out a DB coach for help, or a REALLY GOOD MC or both. Also check into Retrouvaille, it is an amazing experience for couples in trouble.
It hasn't been the greatest the whole time. My wife and I come from two different back grounds. I grew up very poor and she grew up with everything. My W works during the day and comes home to a dinner cooked or in the process, plays with the girls, eats and goes to bed with them. I myself have always worked overnights so our girls won't have to go to daycare. I have them from morning till night. They go to work with me at the barn. I work overnight at my other job which is thurs-Sun nights. So I'm tired and don't sleep as it is from going so much. I try and stay up till the afternoon with them till the girls are ready for a nap.
When we had our first daughter my W went into complete mommy mode which I do understand. But it never did stop. We didn't have time for us at all. Then she allowed our daughter to sleep in the bed. I didn't agree with it at all. I get if she is has bad dreams and etc. so I started sleeping with my dog on the couch. Yes I did say something back then and I did say we need to go out or something for us. By the time we finally got our oldest out of the bed we had our youngest. She was able to breast feed this one. So once again the baby ended up in the bed. Now they are other sleeping with her. Besides all that. I rarely got an help with the house chores, she would cook something once awhile. Basically I did everything.
Sex life..our sex life has always been great. Till mommy mode. I would try and get turned down. I get the kids, I do. But if and when we would it was planned and it exciting anymore. Felt like a chore. I started it feeling that spark during it. That has never happened.
We been married for 6 yrs and I've spent more then 3 yrs on the couch. I guess I've just been that unhappy. I know I was wrong and I should have sat her down and talked about everything. I wasn't looking for an affair. I have always been faithful to my W and family. It didn't matter to me how I felt. The affair happened. I connected with someone new. Like my minister told me along with close friends the OW filled a void and it made me happy. I agree at the time yes but that hole only seemed to get offer cause it wasn't my W filling it.
Now I have spent the last 2 nights at home with them. My W has asked to watch movies upstairs in the bed with her. Yes our little one is there sleeping and later the big one comes in. It's been nice to sleep in the bed with her. We have cuddled to sleep also. I'm taking this has a good sign of healing? Of us working on saving this and moving forward? I know trust will take a lot of time. But I don't know how to take this. Good sign or bad?
