So you go to college 5 days/week, have four children (all under the age of 10), several dogs, your MIL lives with you, and you somehow have 2.5-3 hours/day to meditate/pray?
Yes sir! I drive about an hour (each way) to school, so I use that sitting time wisely and often pray, reflect during that two hours, I also listen to books on tape and I try to spend at least 15 minutes before bed meditating. lol!
Do you live on a different planet or in some kind of time warp? May I visit and get some of my own stuff done there if I promise to leave? This made me giggle of think of Rocky Horror, not even going to lie! Heck yes! Join the time warp!
Holy guacamole!
Bee-tee-dubs, if you feel like this:
Originally Posted By: Emily28
I NEED a break.
Then maybe you should take a break.
You can't escape your problems, but sometimes it is helpful to get away from the hecticness of real life to recharge your battery.
*I'm* not casting a vote, I'm just saying YOU should do whatever it is that YOU think YOU need to do.
Given your marriage's status, I can't see how taking a week to decompress is really going to do any damage. If it ends up seeming like it does, it is probably just revealing damage that was already done.
Good! Thanks for the input. I am going Sunday evening and coming home Tuesday evening! It's not a huge break, and it's still just two long days at school, but maybe it will be enough to decompress! I have to be home Wednesday as my car is going in the shop. This also makes it more of a break and less of a leave. *fingers crossed* this break recharges batteries all around!
So the ring is back on his finger (yesterday). Things are rocky, not that I'm surprised. My question to all the seasoned DBer's here is when you talk about detaching and having zero expectations. How do you do that while holding out hope for the relationship.
I am having a hard time with this. With my last relationship, my H would leave for long periods of time and that somehow made it easier to detach and have no expectations and keep trucking along.
Here though I feel like our lack of relationship is staring me in the face! It is driving me crazy! Ugh! I want so badly to be able to detach while keeping my focus on the marriage. I'm worried that if I do this, I will run too far the other direction and end up being the WAS or ending up in a bad situation with another man.
I would also like information about GALing through the hard times. When your H(or W) is rejecting, blaming and throwing out negative energy, how do you maintain your GAL and happy-go-lucky attitude.
I feel like maybe I'm running circles around the answer but I just can't quite get my hands on it. Any thoughts?
"when you talk about detaching and having zero expectations. How do you do that while holding out hope for the relationship."
By separating the two. It's like when you have a neighbor that you care about. You don't do anything to control them and you care about them, but you just hope for the best and not really think about your relationship to them.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
So this weekend was rough. Things deteriorated to name calling (my H calling me a failure as a mother due to my abandonment issues and saying that he would in fact take the kids and leave if I couldn't pull it together). He insulted Momma Bear in her den and it took all I had to not lash back out, pull my resources and tell him I would see him in court.
I refrained, but I am very hurt but this. I can understand his frustration and his attempt to motivate but scaring me into seeing the direness of this situation. But fighting fear with fear is like throwing gas on a fire. I broke down, into uncontrollable tears last night as he drove me to my friends house (where I am staying until tomorrow night). I have been friends with her since 3rd grade. She is very balanced and the whole family has a fundamental happiness that is refreshing. She/They have seen me at worst and are willing to rally around me and support growth and change not just jump into defense mode (as my family would).
It was refreshing to be nestled into their family and I am hoping that I can find the perspective that I need so I can go back home into the trenches and do what I need to do.
This marriage is hanging by a thread and I am fighting hard to release outcome and surrender to what may come so that I can truly focus on myself and right my own wrongs. Send me all the prayers and good vibes you can afford to spare!
Day Two of being out of the house. My friend was done with work early yesterday, so we went out for a horseback ride. I haven't been in years. There is something therapeutic about catching a horse, brushing, picking feet, saddling, bridling and hoisting yourself up. We really just meandered around the fields and dirt roads. The motion of a horse is refreshing and natural.
We got in about 5, ate potato soup and nestled in by a fire for TV time. I called home to let H know I could be dropped off, rather than picked up. I kept the convo short, he was on the other line with a family friend anyway. He told me I could stay longer if I thought it was helping.
He called me back about an hour later. He said he was ready to have me home, not to freak out about his offer of letting me stay longer (I wasnt, I explained this). He was warm and friendly, we talked a bit, about the kids and what we had been up to...then hung up. I slept great lastnight. I don't know if I am ready to gooo home. Yikes, this is the nicest vacation.
Reading sandi37's rules is a great start to every day when you're trying to get the hang of things or need to reset.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
