Quick update: W has emailed me 3 times in the last week advising she wants to go ahead with the splitting of assets (without her arguing over the value) and then telling me she will have the solicitor contact me. She has contacted me more (the 3 emails) this last week than the whole year separated.
Please read the last topic to get the full history of the latest development.
After reading T1000's latest update, I wonder if the son's 21st party is getting her to think things in a different light, as this is one of the first family events that we are not doing together (organising or talking about).
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Quick update: W has emailed me 3 times in the last week advising she wants to go ahead with the splitting of assets (without her arguing over the value) and then telling me she will have the solicitor contact me. She has contacted me more (the 3 emails) this last week than the whole year separated.
Please read the last topic to get the full history of the latest development.
After reading T1000's latest update, I wonder if the son's 21st party is getting her to think things in a different light, as this is one of the first family events that we are not doing together (organising or talking about).
Don't wonder things like that, it doesn't serve you well. You will end up with expectations. It is what it is until it's something else.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
Don't worry T, no more expectations, just thinking aloud these days.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Don't worry T, no more expectations, just thinking aloud these days.
Correct me if I'm wrong but thinking like this becomes the same thing.
It took me a while but after some 'guiding' from labug my thinking changed from 'I wonder why W is sending this, doing this, thinking, up to...' to 'Oh I've got an email from W, she wants an answer to this question, here's the answer, get on with own life'
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
Maybe I haven't reached that point yet T1000, but what I mean by thinking aloud, is that I don't dwell on it, don't keep wondering if she is doing this or that. More looking at it from a distance. Not changing my ways based on the idea something has changed. It really is hard to put into the words I want to say. Simply what I wondered for that moment is not affecting me or making me change anything, including those "I wonder" moments.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
I think whats at work here is the stages of detachment…..
T, you are simply ahead of the rest of us! We will get to the place you are in but the only way to get there is through the storm. First step in is to be aware of the mindreading, the expectations and so – after this you can start letting the rope go. HWA (and I) are properly in the stage of awareness.
You seem totally detached now. The words from Labug is so true but so hard to implement without the right and personal amount of time.
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
Your W is now all business-like and you need to mirror her accordingly. In due course, the glacier will eventually thaw out. Time and space on your side now. Glad to hear that your transfer went through this time around!
How are your sons? Keep those lines of communication open with them.
Thanks for the words Wonka. I am and have acted business like since the letter came from the solicitor many months ago. It was just one of those things that changes you. Thanks for the well wishes with the transfer. Sons are both doing good. They both know I am coming home in 7 weeks. The line of communication is always open with them. We are all looking forward to spending more time together, when back home.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
HWA, good advice here. I’ve been in the same boat, very little communication with H (though increased recently), and mostly about business. So, I tend to over-think about possible motives as well.
Wonka, your advice applies to my sitch perfectly. Curios what your take would be on the recent developments.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
