Quick Ugly Version - Married 2.5 years, together about 5 years. We started out rocky and at one time had a fantastic friendship, relationship. Life has thrown lots of "life" at us and we've kept it together. I am 28 and my husband is 42. My second marriage, his first. 4 children (all girls) 9, 7 (from previous marriage, father is NOT involved, ever.) 3, 1 (his). Lots of distrust on both ends (his & mine).
About a month ago a girl that caused problems early in our relationship (like 3 months in early) moved back to town. He lied to me about knowing she was back and has been weird since she came back.
This of course rocks me to my core and hits home as my first husband left me for OW. I'm trying not to compare men but the situations are eerily similiar.
He told me about a week ago that he does is not in love with me anymore. Last night he said he is confused and needs time and space because he doubts that he ever loved me. We have no relationship and he hasn't been living in years, just going through the motions.
We are on the lower end of the financial pool (to put it nicely), I am in my final semester of a Computer Science degree. He has worked for the same manufacturing company for 20 years and is VERY unhappy with his job. Separating our living space is simply not feasible at this point. I suggested (perhaps wrongly?) that we could attempt a separation in the same house, split bills. I would get a part time job (evening & weekends) so I can pull more weight. I would sell some of my "comfort" items and get some money so that I can again, pull my weight and prepare for the worst.
This morning he says that it's wrong of me to look for work or try to pad my bank account as it's emotional choice not rational choice. I see it as preparing for the future (with or withOUT him). I have to be able to support myself and my children, I have to finish school and get a "real job", I have to own issues and codependant behaviours with or withOUT him.
I am trying not to knee jerk and becoming the walk away wife. I'm trying to give him what he's asking for, but it seems the more I try the more upset he gets.
I'm trying not to crowd or panic, but where the heck do you start?
Youve already gone down this road once. What do you want your life to look like 5 years from now?
You sound like your finding your voice. Thinking about becoming more independent.
Focus only on school right now. He will do what he does- dont get in his way but start looking for jobs.
You need to start working towards your newly identified 5 year picture.
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
