H ended EA and he's now depressed/mopey??

[NotAgainPlease]

Just a note: H called me instead of texting which is rare! He wanted to chat a bit but I didn't too long and ended it.

[NotAgainPlease]

My daughter decided to go the the awards night with us instead of gymnastics so we all went as a family. It was nice and no drama. Just have to keep it going.

[NotAgainPlease]

The ever confusing things a spouse may say!

My husband says "never, never" and then in another sentence my he will say "were not ready or not now". Which is it? It does show "I think"? they too are confused?

[Tina825]

NotAgainPlease, how are things going? My H and I got back together only for him to leave on Christmas Eve. He had a plan while he was here, got himself an apartment, took extra vehicle there, got cable, etc all before moving out. My problem is our S9 doesn't know yet as he's staying with his Aunt. I told H he had to be the one to explain to S what's going on. I'm tired of this. I'm not even working on DBing at this time. I'm getting things in order for a D. I hope things are better on your end.

[S4tk]

H said last night I don't know why you care about me and OW? I said you live here, we are married, so is she and it is disrespectful to me. If we were separated and you didn't live here it would be another story.

Now THAT was a great answer.

Next time, add " . . . disrespectful to me, to our marriage, and to our family."

Starsky,

I am going to hijack this thread for (hopefully) and answer from you to two questions...

1) I recently found evidence of a strong EA (she is wildly in love with a guy in another country) and she doesn't know that I know. I am DBing. Your posts about boundaries made me curious - would you go with a "confront the A" approach if you were me, or do I act "as if" and keep doing my thing?

2) One time when she said she wanted to leave and she was "done" (she says this every few weeks or so, maybe just so I don't forget ha ha) I accidentally lost patience and left DB land and I said something about how she would be hurting me and the kids... she lost it and told me how much some of the things I say are so hurtful. It definitely made me feel guilty. Was this manipulation on her part, or should I have refrained from saying that?

[Starsky309]

H said last night I don't know why you care about me and OW? I said you live here, we are married, so is she and it is disrespectful to me. If we were separated and you didn't live here it would be another story.

Now THAT was a great answer.

Next time, add " . . . disrespectful to me, to our marriage, and to our family."

Starsky,

I am going to hijack this thread for (hopefully) and answer from you to two questions...

1) I recently found evidence of a strong EA (she is wildly in love with a guy in another country) and she doesn't know that I know. I am DBing. Your posts about boundaries made me curious - would you go with a "confront the A" approach if you were me, or do I act "as if" and keep doing my thing?

2) One time when she said she wanted to leave and she was "done" (she says this every few weeks or so, maybe just so I don't forget ha ha) I accidentally lost patience and left DB land and I said something about how she would be hurting me and the kids... she lost it and told me how much some of the things I say are so hurtful. It definitely made me feel guilty. Was this manipulation on her part, or should I have refrained from saying that?

S4,

Do you have your own thread? I don't want to hijack this one. Generally, I am not in favor of just ignoring the 500-lb. gorilla in the room, and that's not really what Michele's "Act As If" is all about anyway.

I WOULD encourage you to NOT evaluate how well something works (or doesn't work) on your wife's immediate WORDS, however, but rather by her longer-term ACTIONS. (some of the most fruitful turnarounds I've seen -- including my own -- began with the cheating spouse screaming like a witch with holy water poured on them, LOL).

We can talk more about this on your own thread.

thanks,

Starsky

[NotAgainPlease]

A lot has changed since this thread. My H has moved out and says he is not with OW anymore.
Is adamant he wants a divorce and will not be coming home, ever ever! H is living with a friend for free right now but it's been 1 1/2 months. I am sure he is going to have to pay sometime. We can't afford it.
My H has thrown himself into work 12 hrs a day 6-7 days a week. I am sure to occupy his mind.
I see no evidence of OW but he has a work phone now. However, he has not been out of town to see her (married) or his family where OW lives.

Anyway, I am not sure about confronting..I did but that is me. I tried to tell OW husband but couldn't reach him. Probably for the good. I did confront OW and she was afraid of me and told my H.

We have had UGLY fights the last month. I have been working hard to get a grip and not. H pushes my buttons and so do I. I am working really hard at defusing the fights and end it if starts up.
H always says he wants to get a long and not fight but we always seem to. It is my NY resolution!!!
Don't worry about hijacking. Maybe you can get some help for both

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2420671&page=1

[NotAgainPlease]

Tina,

So sorry to hear that. My H moved out before Thanksgiving and says nothing will make him come back this time. He learned from last time it won't work.
With kids it's so hard and the main reason I fight to make a new better marriage.
Good luck to you. Don't give up. I'm just skeptical because we've done this before and he won't let it happen again no matter what.