Progress! Baby steps..We didn't get in an argument all day No R talk, I was upbeat and happy (looking)!! It helps that H is gone during the day and I just need to put the OW out of my mind. I was a little skeptical H was talking to OW since he was in a pretty good mood. I did look last night but nothing so I am done looking for now!I need to give up checking even though it was our agreement to end it..I have to trust. Hope today goes just as well. I can only hope.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Update. H stopped all contact with EA. H says!! He has since moved out and says it will not ever work as we can not get along and can't stop fighting. I agree on the fighting. H is coming over for Thanksgiving and spending the night per the kids request. We'll see. Goal is not fighting and relationship talk! H told D13/S13 yesterday when H asked if they would come tonight to stay at his house. D said no this is his home he needs to come home. H said no it's not that easy. Mommy and I can't get alone and I don't live there anymore. D said you need to figure out how to get along . H said I am sorry but your mom and I are not going to stay together forever. Nice!! Which he as told me over the years. but really tell the kids??? Happy Thanksgiving all!
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Well we made it through the day fairly uneventful. H spent the night amd left early in a.m. He told the kids they'll have to come stay with him. They said okay but don't want to have go. They don't like the guy H stays with. H said again he's not moving back home ever.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I'm curious to know more about your arguments... What are they about? Who brings it up? How do you usually respond? What is your 180 when it comes to arguments??
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
I just read your first page after coming back the 2nd time around. Have you gone to Al Anon? I noticed you are a child of an alcoholic and now find yourself with alcoholic.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
As far as fighting it's everything. Usually about us and I know I shouldn't talk about relationship stuff but he just moved out and need to clarify some things. We have not said anything to any friends and family about what's going on. At least that's what I thought. I went to pick my kids up from my in laws and they told me that H had told them weeks about ETA and wanting a divorce. When I asked H about it tonight he said he never told them. Then he said yes I kind of remember telling Inlaws because he been drinking. he has slowed down his drinking over the past several months. However now when he drinks he gets really drunk and I'm finding that he has brown outs and even blackouts. So really he is worse. like most alcoholics he said he will never stop drinking. He also comes from a family of many alcoholics.
Now he is mad at me me because I questioned him on it.
No on Al Anon. I've looked it up recently but haven't gone I think I really need to.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I love H but I just can't fight the devil(alcohol) anymore! My H isn't a daily drunk but about 4 times a month. 4 times too many times! The rest of the times its a cew day. My H said to me yesterday "like you always say, alcohol always will win!" So so but since this is our first time going through this. I know I'll never win the battle with his devil. I don't think I can ever get anywhere unless he stops drinking. What she said he never will. And with all his friends being alcoholic. I'm sure it will never happen. H hates me because I hate his addiction! H will always see it that way matter what kind of 180 I do. I always have to walk on eggshells when he's that way. It devastates me to admit it because I love him. I guess he's my addiction? After doing a pros and cons list it's really sad to see who's H real love is!! Alcohol.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
New day new plan. I am going to try and go as dark as possible. Easier said than done with kids activities. This will be a big 180 for me not to call or text and talk about nothing!! Since my in-laws know about our sitch I have some kind of release. I have been feeling better somewhat. I have been crying a lot due to PMS I think but the anger is much better. I just need to let him be and see what happens. I can't be his keeper anymore. This is what he wants for sure! Stubborn me this makes it harder to do!! He wants to be free to do what he wants with no responsibility. He has however thrown himself into his work and works long hours and sometimes 6 days a week. I know we need the money but I think this is his way of hiding, dealing and/or being distacted? We'll see how I do! I am sure I will have set backs but babysteps!
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I have the added bonus of re-reading my old posts from 2007. No good I am doing it again but it is helpful.
This just hit me as funny. H said 2007 he broke it off with OW because of too much drama with me. He also told her he loved her too. I am thinking he is the one to say "I love you" first and thinks that excitement, newness, etc is LOVE??!!
It is crazy how after all these years what he is saying is the same. (someone posted because it worked for him). I hope I can use this to my advantage and work it better and not take 8 months like last time. No guarantee but I can only try!! Then when/if it does work I/we do things better this time and he will get help for himself! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...581#Post1082581
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Well I'm not sure if I did a good job already with the 180. Definitely not no contact. H called and I didn't answer. H left a message and I returned the call a little while later. He didn't answer so I hung up. H call back and asked if I needed help with the kids tonight since they had to be two places at one time. I said I could probably do it,it was not a problem but thanks. H said I will take D to gymnastics and you can take capital S 2 his banquet. I said that was fine thank you. Very nice and cheerfully. H said that he got off early and was going to do some other side work and then come to get her. I said we were going going to have dinner before if you wanted to join us.H also mentioned he was so tired due to working all day yesterday and being up at 4 this morning. I sent him a text saying if you wanted to come here and take a nap instead of going home and then back here for dinner and pick up D he could do so. He that he could do with side work another day this week. That's probably where I went wrong because that's something I always do suggest. Although he did text back and say thank you I'll see how it goes. I also shouldn't have invited him for dinner. But being nice and not arguing is a 180 as well. Baby steps....
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
No R talk, I was upbeat and happy (looking)!! 
but really tell the kids???