Hey 2the point dont you think its time for an update!! We miss you - hope you are well.
I highly recommend everyone especially the moms on this board to google the Shriver Report. Maria Shriver's research into the poverty associated with being the main bread winner and care taker in a family.
It really hit home.
I am blessed that financially I am have a good well paying work but I see how impossible it is being a single mom even though I am lucky enough to be in a good place financially. My parents both help me with my kids, babysitting and my mom helps clean around the house. I also have a maid service come 1-2x a month and its still impossible.
I just want to remind all of us that what we do for our kids is amazing and we deserve a pat on the back.
Last night xH again has babysitter pick up the girls to take them to his place. It was a really difficult hand off. Definitely tougher because he wasnt able to come - he was working. He uses work as a place to run and hide.
I walked the girls with babysitter to his place. D5 did not want me to leave. She had more questions about why daddy doesnt live with us anymore. It was really painful. She deosnt want to see Frozen with Daddy she want to see Frozen with me! Really sweet.
Then she starts asking why Daddy doesnt live with us and I say Daddy wants to live someplace here. He doesnt want to live in our house because he doesnt want to live with me. Then she says but you want to live with Daddy right? I didnt know how to answer that because I dont want him anymore - especially when I watch what he is doing to our kids. I answer I dont know.
I dont think I handled the conversation perfectly but I also dont want to lie to our D5. It is very important that she know the truth, obviously she is only 5 she cant understand everything but I am not going to start feeding her a false story that this was a mutual thing. I will tell her my truth. Xh is free to tell her his truth.
I hate him so much sometimes. It really didnt have to be this way. He is such an absentee father and doesn't even acknowledge all I do for our kids.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I think your answer was just fine. I tell my D the truth as much as she can understand and handle. I think it's easier that way and I'm not taking the blame for his bad decisions.
And thank goodness for parents, right? I'd have been up a creek last week with school starting late and my work starting on time. I'm glad my mother is close and her husband is quite understanding of the situation.
H-44 Me-43 D9 T-13 years M-12 years BD-8/21/13 Sep- 11/19/13 D in process
Thanks tbh it's interesting how hard we are on ourselves. That's why posting here has been instrumental to my recovery - it shows me what I need to work and when I need to stop beating myself up.
I am feeling very grateful today. I realize without this criSis I would never ever have taken the time to realize how blessed I am.
I have Amazing daughters who both love me soooo much. I have wonderful parents and a sister who have really stepped up to help me during this crisis.
A friend posted on fAcebook- you spend years trying to get your parents off your back and finally you realize they are the only ones thAt have your back.
So blessed to have found alanon and blessed to have found these boards
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Glad to see you're doing well Bklyn. I think you handled the question just fine with your daughter. I still get checked by my boys often to see where I stand.
Keep counting your blessings.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Just wanted to journal some of the stuff around here.
For 2 1/2 years I havent facilitated my girls calling their father at bedtime or throughout the day. He is welcome to call any time (he calls maybe once a week) and when he does I help the girls engage in conversation. Before he left us we would always do facetime on our iPhones since my xH is very techie but for 2 1/2 years he has never called our home with facetime only voice calls.
Now 2 1/2 years later even my non technical parents do skype or facetime with the kids. hello 2014!
So last night after we spent a half hr on skype with my sister as we were eating dinner, having a blast - I said what the heck lets call Dad. We do a facetime with him and literally he is on with his daughters for 3 minutes. It was so lame. He was still at work and had to get back. His work is his alcohol.
"I have to work" sounds noble and legit but its really a place for him to hide.
I really don't want this man back as my husband but I really want him to grow up for the sake of our perfect girls. He is such a half-a$$ Dad
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
