Have I failed already? Should I stop DBing?

[I love my wife]

Okay, so I officially started DBing a few days ago.

BACK STORY:
Agreed to amicable divorce with W, and have been mostly emotionally cold. We had sex on Saturday but mainly because she and I both needed it. There was no kissing and no I love you, and I kind of treated it like a one night stand (didn't get her water or anything, went to bed and ignored her, but that was how it always has been) We had a pre-planned date night from weeks ago that she didn't want to go on, but once I agreed to be amicable, she was like "yeah let's go on our date night" acting like we are girlfriend and boyfriend.

So we went on our date night, had a couple of beers and hot pot at an Asian restaurant, then went back and picked the kids up from the babysitter. It was a nice day. I don't think it brought her any closer but we talked to this other couple and told them all about our divorce and they were so positive. I think W actually wants to remain friends and have sex once in a while. From previous posts, you can see that I am mentally ill and I think she is actually afraid of me hurting her or the kids (I am not psychotic and have only ever been a danger to myself, but she doesn't understand that despite studying psychology at UCLA)

Yesterday I had a pre-planned lunch trip to see my cousins in Santa Monica, and I thought she knew I was leaving the house at noon. We are getting along very cordially, and still sharing a bed, but I don't pursue her at all. She took our daughter and they got our nails done, and left our 4 month old with me. When 1pm came and she did not come home, I stupidly packed my son's diaper bag and headed out on the trip to Santa Monica. I knew what nail shop she was at but I was being an [censored] and made the excuse that I didn't want to call or text her. Oops. Minor setback. Apparently calling and texting about the kids is always allowed. I knew that and was just being a jerk. Little guy started crying while stuck on the 10 freeway and she called me, irate that I was not not communicative. We ended up having a huge fight.

Today I got very emotional with her again because her sister and sister's husband and their kids and another close friend had a day at the country club yesterday and I was specifically not invited. None of them are comfortable around me because of the way I acted while I was hospitalized a few weeks ago.

W and I had 40 minute talk on the phone from her office (I'm on administrative leave from work because I keep having stress-induced TIAs and losing the ability to speak. I am basically falling apart. I have a heart condition from rapid weight loss) and she was very upset, insisting she is "done. we are getting a divorce. there is no other way." Of course I got emotional, and I lash out and I am a manipulative piece of crap.

She filed the paperwork last week but they haven't served me yet and she wants me to sit down with HER lawyer and sign so we can be amicable.

Can I still DB this or am I F'ed?

WHAT'S COMING UP:

She's hired a woman for cash to pick our kids up at school and help with dinner, and cleaning, and basically I'm being fired from the family. She's excited about the prospect of me moving out and she's going to give me $200,000 cash + all my retirement and stocks (About $450k) to leave the home.

Should I proceed, not fight the order to vacate, and just move out (I'm moving into a trendy swanky hotel in hollywood for a week) and give her space, and live my life? Money will be a lot easier for me post-divorce, except for $1500/month in child support which isn't a big deal to me. Also, I'm looking at casual dating just to boost my self-esteem and maybe meet someone new (why not? I need intimacy)

Is my next step in DB-ing, in the last resort, just giving up? Is this really just a way to help me cope with the fact that my marriage is over, but by the time I realize I've been had, I will have emotionally healed? If so, I guess that's ok. I'm a good looking guy with a six figure job so it's not going to be hard for me to meet women, and is that what this is for? I've really hurt her in so many ways by being emotionally abusive.

She said she forgives me but has made up her mind. Her family and friends hate me for trying to use them. In six months between service of process and finalization of divorce, what's the success rate of DBing with a woman who has dug her heels in because of dealing with a mentally ill emotionally abusive husband?

(Again, I have never physically hurt her but I have been emotionally manipulative for years and she's done)

[KarenR]

I am sorry you are having these problems. Divorce Busting can be successful in many difficult situations. I suggest you talk to a DB coach that is not only experienced in dealing with the relationship issues going on, but also knowledgeable about the mental health issues you have described. If you call me, I can give you more information. Take good care.