I guess I will belong here soon. I'm not strong enough to deal with a man that has no regards for his pregnant wife and young son. If he wants to go and ride into the sunset with ow, then go.
Giving up so soon? You just got here give it a try at least. There are no guarantees but at least you would have tried. It will mean a lot to you later on if it doesn't work out. You can look back with pride and no regret that at least you gave it your best to save your family. You are soooo wrong to think you are weak. You wouldn't be on this site if you were. Trying to save your M and family and wanting to remain married to a cheating creep doesn't make you weak. Makes you a wonderful person.... Yes you are not perfect. Probably got some changing to make, right? So let's start there. We can quit later but not today.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
There's no rule that says you have to keep doing this - or even that says you have to forgive your spouse for an affair. Only you can know what's right for you.
I will make a few observations, both pro and con:
Pro - - he just got back from freakin' Afghanistan. He's probably been through things you can't even imagine. His affair may just be the symptom of depression, PTSD, post-concussion brain damage, malaria-drug side effects (although I think the military stopped using mefloquine, right?) or any number of other medical/psychiatric effects of war. This may be the "in sickness and in health" part of the marriage. EVEN IF he goes off with OW and never comes back, you might consider finding it in your heart to forgive him if you think of it as a consequence of the war. And you might, for now, consider giving him a little more time to figure things out.
Con: - I see that he has another older son - so I assume you are a second wife (or at least second serious relationship?). If so - and considering that you have only been married 3 years and he is already cheating - it is possible that he just has a character disorder. If you look back honestly (not just through the lens of today's events) were there big red flags that you ignored about him when you met him? Does he have a history of bailing on relationships, or a history of infidelity in past relationships? If so, then you might be right about cutting your losses now - repeat cheaters seldom change (although it's not impossible).
Pro: - you're just about to have a baby. You have to consider hormones in any decisions you might make today. You might consider postponing ANY major decisions until a few months after the baby is born, just to avoid making any rash choices out of hormone hell.
Con: - being the strong woman who won't put up with any cr@p and is perfectly willing to move on without him....is sometimes the shock that wakes them back up. You sure can't count on it - it's very risky as a tactic. But if you're really feeling that done, then sometimes letting him feel the full real-life effects of his affair can cause him to change his mind before you get too far away to ever return.
Step back for a minute and try to see what's really going on here. Is he a brain-damaged PTSD veteran who needs some slack? Are you a self-centered harridan who needs to change her ways? Or is he a serial cheater who is just repeating the pattern that you ignored when you married him?
Kml - he is not a serial cheater. His ex wife was actually shocked by this news. He is, however, a serial saboteur. When relationships get real, he bails or makes things very difficult. This is his third marriage. He finally admitted that he has some serious issues. If you read my stitch, when I gave him the ultimatum, he pleaded to go back to counseling and confessed that there's something wrong with him. He cried a lot and I felt sorry for him. I had never seen him cry like this. He is definitely going through something, which it isn't to say I don't have to work on myself, which I do.
And yes, my hormones are out of whack. They may get even more out of whack once the baby is here because I did have postpartum depression with our first. It's like this whole mess, as bad is it looks, is actually the calm before the storm. Oy!
