Thanks Pud and AS! I was having a bad morning. After I wrote it down and got my emotions out, I felt better. Your responses help even more I know that this is a long journey and I am just at the beginning. While it has been over a year since things really went down hill, it has only been one month (to the day actually) since I really started DB. One month ago, H and I could not be in the same room. Many things have changed for the better.
Thank you for pointing out that I should not assume that H will keep her in our lives if he ever does come around. I guess that I really should not rely upon anything that H says, regarding me or OW.
Totally backslide tonight in front of H. Someone stole the kids pumpkin last night. H went with OW to get a new pumpkin for kids. He claimed he needed a ride and that is why he called her. Yet he did not call me to get the pumpkin but could call me when he needed me to pick him up to go trick or treating with the kids. For some reason i could not hold back the tears. Dont ask me why this got to me when other worse stuff i was able to handle better. Ughh this is so hard. I guess I felt used. He is playing me and I am letting it happen.
You have to stand up for yourself. Start getting your ducks in a row…finances, copies of statements/income. Don't get caught off guard. In the meantime try to focus on you and the kids. Trust me I know this is damn hard but you must do it.
Yes…he is playing you.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
I know what you are going through I'm going through the same thing to my H OW is also an alcoholic too from what I hear. Your story is my story I need to do what you are doing I'm still having a really hard time letting go. But after what I just saw on FB its time for me to move on and stop holding on to hope.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
I have been avoiding the holidays but need to start a discussion with H about plans. I want to be proactive so that H does not wait until last minute and push me into something I am not comfortable with. So I need a plan in advance and need help.
We used to split Thanksgiving between his family and my family. H initially said things would not change this year. Then H said he dors kot want to go to my family. Our extended family does not know about separation so what we decide could force us to tell everyone and honestly am not sure if I want that.
H knows that I am not willing to split the kids for the holidays. Not sure I believe that he won't pull that card if I don't agree with exactly what he wnts. How much do I push the issue? Do I tell H that if he does not want to do both families than I will just do Thanksgiving at my house and H can come if he wants? Do I go yo his family and then go to mine without him?
What do YOU want to do? What would the kids want to do? YOU decide want 3 wants and then do it. Tell H what the plans are and he can choose to do it with you or not. Do what makes you the happiest for the holidays.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
It is so hard for me because I am always trying to make everyone else happy. I hate conflict. I am getting better at taking care of my needs. I still struggle with being assertive. I need to work on it because that would be a huge 180 for me.
I know that this is a long journey and I am just at the beginning. While it has been over a year since things really went down hill, it has only been one month (to the day actually) since I really started DB. One month ago, H and I could not be in the same room. Many things have changed for the better. 