I've pushed people to Divorce Busting for years - now here I am.
After 10 years of marriage to my wonderful, loving, beautiful wife - I cheated. She found out the first week of June. I totally ended the relationship with the OW and have not had any contact since then.
This summer was pretty brutal, but by mid-August we were back in the house together, going to see MFT weekly, attending church together, making love, having dates. We were a family again.
Then, about 3 weeks ago an email pops up from the OW. W and I saw it for the first time together. She could see that I had not read it or replied to it. But still, this pushed her over the edge. I think she started thinking that there is NO HOPE. That no matter what, years from now we are still going to be confronted with my stupidity over and over again.
She asked me to move out and I did. I've been DB'ing like crazy, best I know how and I thought things were going pretty well. She was arranging times for me to see our daughter and we having some limited, off and on phone and text interaction, but I wasn't pushing anything.
So today we went to our regularly scheduled MFT appointment. She asked W "what's new?" W said that she has decided that it is time to forgive and move on with a new life. MFT asks, "together?" and W says "not together."
MFT suggested that we go 3 weeks with NO contact whatsoever and come back to talk again, but W just digs her heels in and says that she has been thinking about this a long time and she just wants a divorce.
So, that's where I'm at. I'm the bad guy. I was soooo stupid and now I'm paying by losing everything that I really love. NEVER loved the OW. It was soooo not worth it.
Why was I checking out the site? This sounds really dumb, but I'm a counselor and I used to see people for stuff like this all the time. I'm a longtime fan of MWD, her books and this site.
I met OW last March while I was working outside the US for 30 days. Sometime around the first week of April we became "friends" and I started seeing her after work for casual dates (yes, all wrong). I went back for work in May, saw her again and that's when it crossed the line. So total time together? About 2 months. I still had communication with her for about 2 days after my wife found out, but that has totally ceased. OW has sent some messages since then and I have never responded.
I never decided to cheat on my wife. I just kept walking down a road without stopping myself.
I am not trying to make excuses, but I am a combat vet. When I met this woman we began to talk so easily and there was definitely chemistry there. I convinced myself that this was somebody safe to talk to at a time when I desperately needed to talk. Even though things were good for me externally, I was in a very dark place inside.
I tried telling my wife at one point during the time I was with OW that she never listens to me. She just blew it off. I felt like she didn't pay attention to even the most mundane things in my life--no way she would listen to the big stuff I was struggling with.
I felt like I was 100 feet underwater and OW swam up with a tank of air.
Yes you did or else you wouldn't have crossed that line. You had the power to say 'no' and kept your junk in your pants but you didn't. No one forced you at gunpoint to do it. So get real. You're minimizing your actions.
I'm not sure what kind of C you are but hopefully you're not a M one because you're not a very good one to be honest.
So your W left you, which is extremely understandable. What are your interactions like now? Do you have any children together?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Yes - I accept full responsibility for my actions. I was dealing with some bad stuff and chose all the wrong ways of responding to it. I was drinking heavily, barely sleeping, and talking to the WRONG person about what I was going through. All that is my fault and it got me where I am now.
Interactions with W are very spotty. We were still in the house together until 3 weeks ago. I moved back 4 days ago and she hasn't been home since. She is staying with a friend and has our daughter with her.
I have tried to limit our communication to issues about our daughter(4), but sometimes she goes days without responding to me. I've tried to keep any texts or emails to a minimum.
We have an appointment with MFT this week, but I'm not sure if I should continue to go. Seems like MFT is coaching W to ask for D. I'm trying to figure out if there is a way to still go and use it as a forum to hear more about what my wife is looking for or what she needs from me. Last week all she would say is that her mind is made up about D and there is no hope for reconciliation.
