I've pushed people to Divorce Busting for years - now here I am.
After 10 years of marriage to my wonderful, loving, beautiful wife - I cheated. She found out the first week of June. I totally ended the relationship with the OW and have not had any contact since then.
This summer was pretty brutal, but by mid-August we were back in the house together, going to see MFT weekly, attending church together, making love, having dates. We were a family again.
Then, about 3 weeks ago an email pops up from the OW. W and I saw it for the first time together. She could see that I had not read it or replied to it. But still, this pushed her over the edge. I think she started thinking that there is NO HOPE. That no matter what, years from now we are still going to be confronted with my stupidity over and over again.
She asked me to move out and I did. I've been DB'ing like crazy, best I know how and I thought things were going pretty well. She was arranging times for me to see our daughter and we having some limited, off and on phone and text interaction, but I wasn't pushing anything.
So today we went to our regularly scheduled MFT appointment. She asked W "what's new?" W said that she has decided that it is time to forgive and move on with a new life. MFT asks, "together?" and W says "not together."
MFT suggested that we go 3 weeks with NO contact whatsoever and come back to talk again, but W just digs her heels in and says that she has been thinking about this a long time and she just wants a divorce.
So, that's where I'm at. I'm the bad guy. I was soooo stupid and now I'm paying by losing everything that I really love. NEVER loved the OW. It was soooo not worth it. ------------------------------------------- Me - 48, W - 34 Daughter - 4 married 10 years, together 11 she learned about the affair 4 June. told me she wants a divorce 3 Oct.
I am sorry you are here. If only we knew the ramifications of our actions beforehand...for now, I hope you will talk to a DB coach, as they are experts in guiding you through this. It is going to take time for her to trust again...and you don't want a marriage counselor pusing for separation or ultimatums. I wish you all the best.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
You make a good point about counseling Karen. We've been seeing an MFT, but now I feel like she's working against me. She's pushing hard for separation and W had never called a divorce lawyer until last week after seeing MFT alone.
We are scheduled to go back to MFT again this week. Should I go?
I know the bottom line is that I was dealing with some really dark junk inside and never felt like my wife could/would listen to me. OW was a breath of fresh air when I desperately needed somebody to talk to and it went way too far.
I'm interested in what you said about no contact labug. I tried a 180 last Friday. I felt like I had been giving in to everything W was asking and things were getting worse. So I packed up my stuff and moved back into the house. I had been gone for about 3 weeks at her request. W hasn't been back home since, but we have exchanged some texts, emails and calls. She agreed for me to spend the weekend with our D-4. I know I need to back off, but I don't want to cease contact with my daughter in the process.
