I decided to stay in newcomers as I am still struggling with many of the emotions that most of the rest of you are and my old thread was getting large.
As I mentioned in my last thread I was commenting on how my H was spending most of his time nights and weekends at home and then BAMMO! he decided to go 'watch a football game in a sportsbar', at least that was his lie. He didn't return until 11 last night, game was over at 5:30.
I so wanted to run downstairs and say why did you even bother coming home? But I thought of all my db buddies and I refrained, hard as it was.
Then this morning, I didn't go downstairs like I usually do when he and my S are getting ready for work/school. After my S left, my H came upstairs to find me (small positive) and mentioned something about our dog being slightly ill and I just could not look him in the face. I just commented one word syllables and then when he said Ok, have a good day. I just said Yup. I just felt I couldn't say anything of great length or my emotions would come flying out. Not the best way to handle it but it worked as I reminded myself before I spoke. (kinda a 180)
It's hard to detach in my house as it is a small condo and there is not really much other place to go than my bedroom. I posed this question on my last thread that it seems like detaching like this is kind of more of the same behavior from me as during my depressive state that's what I did. So I think I will have to find things to do outside the house instead of being at home. But then I worry about my S and making him feel left out.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
If your S is 16, I'm pretty sure he has plenty of friends. You really need to do stuff for YOU. I have my S11 and D13 every weekend, but I even got them a pizza and movies for Friday, and went to a guy's night. (In Ohio, you have to be 13 to "babysit"). They locked the doors and were just fine - kept a phone nearby...
Well he doesn't have a lot of friends right now. We moved 2 years ago to get him into a decent school and he left some friends behind. He does have one that he goes out with sometimes. Being an only child he has learned to entertain himself quite well.
Anyway, I see your point, I just need to let the teen be a teen in all its teen angst glory, lol.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Ok, I found some free online guitar lessons, as I've always wanted to learn acoustical guitar. I got my father's guitar many years before he passed away and I have never done anything with it. My H had even had the guitar strings replaced for me. Sigh, good times.
Since I have SO MUCH FREE TIME now, I figured why the heck not? It's on my bucket list.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I find it so odd sometimes to hear my H repeat something to my S and I that he told us a few days ago. It's the MLC/affair fog! He honestly thinks it's the first time he has told us something. I'm getting to the point where I just look at him and say quietly yes you told us that a few days ago...And then I almost find it humorous to watch. Zowie.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Awesome on the guitar. I used to play way back in the days before the internet. I really want to pick it up again, but I already have tendinitis problems, so I have to be careful (I'm on the computer all day for my work already).
The free time for GAL/bucket list activities is a silver lining in the DB cloud!
And I thought my roller coaster was bad. From your long history of posts you seem fairly self aware and conscious of your interactions. To me, this is growth. I know for me, before BD, I acted and reacted. I may have had a goal in mind, but I wasn't thinking in terms of my M. It has been hard to come by, but I am really aware of how I think and process my interactions with my W. I really consider everything I say in terms of how does this help me or hurt me. When I think something might hurt me (really our M), I just keep it to myself. If I can, I share it with my IC or a friend so as not to bottle it up. What is much harder is finding balance, changing to be better while still allowing me to be me when appropriate. In some ways, it is like discovering the person you want to be.
Yeah I feel self aware and all, I just wish it didn't have to come in the form of issues in my M before I realize I am not being self aware. Obviously something I need to work on to make it stick to my soul.
And you're right, if you really start thinking of everything you say before you say it, it makes you a more morally strong person.
That's what separates humans from animals, we don't HAVE to act on our instincts. Even though most people do. It's a very profound idea, if you start digging in to it and practicing.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
My problem is I'm doing way too many somethings. Someday, I swear, I am going to *finish* something. LOL. I keep trying to finish the internet, but it just keeps on growing....
