Getting there with 180 and GALing part 3

[TryingToDo180]

Old thread - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2386185&page=10

[TryingToDo180]

Well H isn't picking son up for swimming today, apparently his tyres on his car need replacing! Never mind we'll have a good day anyway I'm off to church now and write some more when I get back later

[Not Quitting]

That's the spirit TTD. S13 and I started getting into the habit of having alternate plans now for Sundays just in case my H doesn't show up - although so far he's pretty good at giving advance notice that he won't be.

Mine texted last night asking if I'd mind picking him up from the local coffee shop this morning after his "friend" drops him off and dropping him at his flat later this afternoon as he's bought himself a fire box to store his birth certificate, passport, etc in and it's "kinda heavy and awkward to carry after a while". Don't know why the friend can't drop him and the box at the flat, or take him there and let him drop the box off, before dropping him at the coffee shop (she isn't allowed to drop him off at my house for obvious reasons) but for gas money, I'm going to do it. Gotta try and stay friends with H, if nothing else for now. Although not doing it would be a 180 .

Hope you have a great day whatever you end up doing!

[TryingToDo180]

Well we ended up going out with my friend and her grandson We went for a Sunday lunch at a local bar, Sunday roast with all the trimmings
What I can't understand is that yesterday H rang up and arranged to pick my son up today and it seems that the tyres have needed replacing overnight! So my son was all set to go to his Dad's today and he got let down at the last minute. I didn't say anything to H on the phone today, but it is annoying! It seems like something better came up, that's the impression I get anyway!
I was going to write some more when I got back from Church, but I've forgotten what I was going to write about, lol. Oh well, I'll remember soon!

[Not Quitting]

Sounds like you still managed to have a good day in spite of your H . The thought of Sunday roast at a good old English pub - yum. I have to cook my own Sunday roast .

It's the kids that suffer the most when they pull this last minute cancellation stuff. One day they may realize what kind of message they're sending, but by that time it could be too late - my H found that out with the two boys he's got with XW1. He missed so many weekends with them, then vanished from their lives altogether that when he finally reached out to them again a few years ago neither wanted anything to do with him. He keeps saying he doesn't want to make the same mistake with our son, but he's still doing things that have made my son comment "I don't like my new dad, I want the old one back". It's too hard to explain to a teenager about MLC.

[MileHigh]

Mmmmm, roast. I still haven't gotten myself a crock pot. I need to start doing some cooking. I did pick up a steak and some honest to goodness potatoes. Not process, mashed, microwave packaged - just as nature made 'em. Going to have a nice meal one of these days....

Sounds like alternative plans are a good plan - LOL, wasn't trying to make a joke. It's sad that MLCers seem to excel at putting their short-term happiness first, even at the expense of their time with their children.

[Not Quitting]

I'm trying to remember how I managed before I had my crockpot. Oh yeah, now I remember - H was an "at home dad" and he did the cooking on weekdays LOL

I couldn't manage without my crockpot or my oven with the timer that allows me to set it in the morning, put the food in and come home to dinner just about ready. Cadet night is rushed as it is so it would be fast food without one or other of those.

[MileHigh]

Yeah. That probably cuts out a thousand calories eating home rather than fast food. One of my weaknesses. That's one of the reasons I haven't been too upset about my not having a car this summer. I think I lost 20 lbs just from being cut off from fast food!

[TryingToDo180]

Well I still have to get my timer fixed on the oven so I can use my casserole dish (aka crockpot!) I'll be out all day tomorrow again so I don't want to risk cooking the curry in there as it'll have probably dried out by the time I get back home, lol.
I forgot to mention yesterday that when H cancelled his time with Son, my son didn't seen the least bit bothered. I bet he wishes he had his old dad back as well! He doesn't talk to me about his feelings because of his autism, but I've booked him an appt with the college mentor in case he feels like a chat. She will also work on his social skills with him
My MIL rang up yesterday afternoon. I know I shouldn't have, but I had to say something I asked if she enjoyed the wedding and that I'd noticed that H had took his "friend" with him. At first she was saying Oh I hadn't noticed, but I said I'd seen a photo of him, MIL and this "friend". I said I just wished that H would just tell the truth to me and she said well he probably doesn't want to hurt me. That's a joke! He can't hurt me anymore than he has already! There's one thing I can't stand and that's liars! I know I've lied to my parents about when H left, but that was different (I hope! lol). Anyway she then started talking about how H has lost this benefit money and how I'm managing but he's struggling. She seemed to be blaming me for him not having enough money. I said I'm sorry that she has to keep on giving him money and told her that I'm struggling as well. I said I can't even afford to buy me and my son some new clothes and that H always seems to be buying himself new clothes. She thought I was talking about the wedding and said that she had to buy him a new outfit as she didn't want him turning up looking like a tramp. It seems that H is lying to his mum about me and she's lapping up all his lies! I do wish she wouldn't ring at all, I don't want to really speak to her! If it's not my mum or dad it's my MIL! I'll just have to say I'm busy next time she rings or just not mention H. It's my fault again! They say a silence speaks a thousand words and there was a silence when I said to her that I know this "friend" of H's is just a friend. Hmmmm. I really am not bothered though as they look totally mismatched together. She only comes up to his shoulders and is about 10 years older than him. I don't reckon it will last, it'll all end in tears There's a lot of people I know that also know her and I know her myself. They can't see them together either.
Am I going on a bit? lol.
MH, I did something today straight out of the book change your life. There's two students in my class that start off by saying what's my son up to today and then start having a go at H for not taking care of son when I'm at college. Today one of them said "what's his excuse this week?". I just said "don't start!" and the conversation ended there Although it wasn't the ideal answer because it was a bit rude, at least it shut her up Hopefully they might take the hint that I don't want them having a go at H. One of them called him a p*rv*rt last week for some reason and when I questioned this she just went on about how I'm better off without him, etc.
Anyway I've got that off my chest, lol. Off to make our dinner and then to bible study. Might watch an episode of BBT whilst we're eating our dinner I'll catch up with the rest of the threads when I get home later

[Not Quitting]

Hopefully your son will be able to make use of the college mentor. It's hard enough explaining things to a teenager without autism; I can't imagine trying to get one with autism to understand what is going on.

Hopefully as well your classmates will get the message. I had to put my foot down a few months ago with a couple of my co-workers who kept trying to offer advice (usually along the "throw him to the curb" lines). They finally got the point and stopped offering advice. They even agreed that until they are in a situation, they can't truly understand how or why anyone would react the way they do.

One of the other women is now going through a bad time herself, with her MLC H having moved out. Her dad is going through a major health scare at the moment so it's making things tougher on her. This morning she told the others that she now understands why I was doing and saying the things I have been since BD. She also said she's learned a lot from what I've been doing and that's helped her get through the last 3 weeks since her H up and left. The good thing is that if she wants to talk and ask advice she'll come to me and ask. I did point her in the direction of this forum and DR, but with her dad being in hospital she's opted not to go that route right now - she doesn't have the time to read books or forum entries.