Hi, I am new to this forum. My H began acting oddly about 2 years ado. He stopped socializing with our friends and we began socializing with a younger couple (younger by 10 years). H started talking about his age and not having much time to live. He started working out and now has 6 pack abs. He was a loving family man and now he drinks daily and has gotten 7 tattoos in the past 8 months.
8 months ago, he also started hiding his phone. About 2 months ago, I found a text on his phone and discovered the OW. She is the wife of the younger couple we have been socializing with. My H said he doesn't love me any more and he is leaving for good.
He moved in with our daughter for a week, told her he was divorcing me. He moved out of her house and moved in with the younger couple. The OW's spouse is ok with the emotional affair they had for 8 months, since their was nothing physical. He has been living with them for 4 weeks.
He hasn't mentioned or discusses divorce with me yet. He said he has to discuss something with me in person however. I told him I was aware of what he wanted to tell me and that I am not willing to throw away 28 years and that I love him. He became angry and we got off the phone. Before getting off he told me he cant stand speaking to me that i make him unhappy and take im to a bad place. He does not contact me at all. I have had to send him text msg. Regarding his spending, sons college, and recreational equipment.
I am not sure what to do. I resent that he is living with that couple and I resent that my daughter and her husband go there to visit I'm. The OW and her husband seem to have a very strong hold on my H. I am not a fan of theirs and they are vindictive people.
I'll take any advice I can get. I am very lonely, frightened and just wish I could have my loving husband back. I am not sure what to do. Wishing he would move out of their house! Isn't that going to get old after a while?
Does no contact help? He just seems so angry and tells me he hates me.
Gmd0808, yep, sounds like a MLC. What craziness that the OW's spouse let's your H live there !?!
Anyway, there is much here that you cannot control. You cannot control what the OW and her spouse do, that your H is living there, and you cannot control whether your daughter visits him.
I suggest you do NOT text him. Obviously it is not working, so stop doing it. Only contact him for business type of reasons. Also, when you do speak to him, forget the "I love you's" -- it will only alienate him. Don't beg him to come home, plead, etc. Don't be needy. It doesn't work, in fact it has the opposite effect. You need to give your husband space and stop pressuring him.
My guess is that he will not initiate a divorce at this point in time. There is no reason for him to.
What should you do? You should reinvent yourself and also pamper yourself. Buy some new clothes that are out-of-character for you. Get a make-over. Start exercising -- its good for your health and increases your self-esteem. Change your hair-style, make-up or something else.
If you do these things, then the next time you see your husband, he'll be taken aback somewhat and wonder about your changes, and whether he is making the right decision. You also do it for yourself. Too often in a long-term marriage we ignore our own needs. Your H is being selfish, time for you to take care of yourself and be a little selfish too.
When you do interact with your H be happy, upbeat, and avoid arguments. Agree with him. Validate his feelings. Doing this will diffuse his anger at you.
The other thing to do is get a life (GAL) by taking up new hobbies or activities. Get out of the house, and you'll eventually with time stop worrying so much about your Husband. It will also make you more attractive to him (or eventually somebody else).
You do these things for YOURSELF.
There is nothing you can do to make your H come home. He has to decide for himself that he is better off with you. This might be months or years from now before he makes that decision. What you can do is improve yourself, which will make him question his decision to move out. At some point in time, you'll reach a cross-roads of either reconciling with him, or you'll be moving on. In my opinion, it takes most people about 1 year to get to the state of mind where they are unwilling to continue in a bad (and your's is bad) situation with a spouse.
Anyway, don't dispair too much. Make a plan to improve yourself and start executing it.
Thank you so much fast cars. How long does it take for the no contact to start making the H curious? He called me tonight and told me hi E opened up a new checking account and his payroll check is going to his account. He said he would continue to pay bills, but I ended to start thinking of short selling our home and find a place to live.
