My father is back in hospital at age 89. Pretty much gone, mentally. Irregular heartbeat, slurred speech, immobile, intermittently hallucinating, incontinent.... Said he doesn't want to go on. I worry every time the phone rings. Need to organise a nursing home for him...
D17 has been ill with strep throat and blood tests showed very low iron and Vitamin D. Dr asked if she was vegetarian - I was too ashamed to say that I can't afford red meat very often. She doesn't get sunlight either because she has to work most weekend days to make enough money to buy all the things teenagers want.
So angry with XH for refusing to provide for the kids. His $7 a day doesn't go far enough.
She asked him to fill her scrips for iron tabs and acne treatment. He came over to get them but then refused, saying he won't provide another cent until I stop paying a lawyer.
He told the kids I was wasting "tens of thousands of dollars" on a lawyer instead of feeding them properly.
He insisted that they go out to dinner with him, but said he would not give more money that I could use to pay legal fees.
They wouldn't go. He argued and threatened. D17 ended up sobbing and S14 told him to eff off.
Maybe XH is right. He does my head in.
S14 asked me tonight why he won't leave us alone.
Sorry for the downer post. Looking forward to a better day tomorrow.
I'm sitting up in bed in my PJs typing this and to think of you, all the way across the other side of the world, reading it straight away and getting back to me.. somehow makes me feel better.
Soon, I'm hoping we won't be dependent on asking him for 'handouts' to cover basic expenses.
And even sooner, I hope to learn not to get dragged and baited into pointless arguments with him.
I'm a sucker. I told him tonight I did not have the time to talk finances when he raised the topic. I asked him to leave. I walked away into another room. But when he yelled out that I didn't even have the guts to talk openly to the children about how I was spending their money on an expensive lawyer instead of buying them decent food, I got suckered back in.
How foolish. You think I might have learned by now.
Sorry about your dad. Can you get any type of public assistance to buy food? You can get a whole chicken for about 8$. Red meat has gotten very expensive. Also pork is cheaper. Feel for you NLW.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
I had just posted on your old thread, then found this.
So sorry to hear about your father, dealing with this situation is hard enough at the best of times. thinking of you all.
I hope your daughter also gets her scripts, and feels better soon. these men have no thought for others, even their children, it really is scary sometimes.
Both my father and mother are dead, in both cases it was their time but it doesn't make it easier. It's a profound loss and I know sometimes we wonder "Just how much more can I take?"
Be good to yourself and don't accept all that blame about your D and her issues. Lot's of kids work, there are many positives to it.
There are other ways to get iron other than meat and many young women are anemic. Give her dark leafy salads and beans. Start using blackstrap molasses.
Even in Arizona we have high rates of low Vit D because it's too d@mn hot to go outside.
Google Brene Brown, work on letting go of all that shame.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Hi bug, Thanks for helping me get out of victim mode in my thinking.
I've been googling blackstrap - and I'm amazed at its healthy properties. I've never heard of it before.
Re the salads and beans - I have been feeding the kids these two - so much so that they are starting to arc up : "Not again!".
They want to go back to the old steak days - they were both big meat-eaters. Two years without a steak is taking its toll on them. These days however, they are very price conscious. I heard D17 telling XH that she wouldn't go out to dinner with him when he offered a steak because, at $22 a steak, she could buy food for our dinners for a week.
So, another positive here. My kids know how to budget and save. Thanks again for getting me back on track.
Sun is shining today. S14 is back home from camp. My football team is in the finals tonight. D17 and I found her a prom dress yesterday which was not too pricey and looks good (she paid). Life is good.
I'm going to bite the bullet (really conflicted over this) and ring MIL today to ask her to pay for D17's medication.
If she won't... I need to try not to be judgemental.
A pattern is emerging whereby every time XH does something egregious, he calls his parents to present a self-serving version of what happened and why he did what he did.
This time he rang her straight after he had the run-in with kids last night.
He'd put his version of events to her and probably asked her not to pay for the prescriptions.
He said the kids had been 'rude to him'.
This is his mantra in relation to what he tells MIL and FIL about the kids (HOW DARE THEY!!!!)
I flipped to hear this - I mean what parent in their right mind uses 'they were rude to me' as a reason for withholding a child's medication?
I told her i realised she probably wouldn't believe me, and related my version of what happened. I added that he is no longer himself, does things we can't believe - I mentioned Jekyll and Hyde - and I said that he lies and lies and lies. I said that I was trying to have compassion for him, but that it was very hard when the kids were suffering.
My buttons are still too easy to press.
She responded with "OH, NLW, he's my son... I don't want to hear these things about him."
I blurted "And they are your grandchildren and they have to live the consequences of what he's doing".
She then agreed to come over and fill the scrips.
It was a little awkward when she arrived. Tellingly, she said to D17 "Come on, you come with me to get your medicine"
D17 just said "No thanks".
The kids are both dumbfounded that their grandparents appear to be siding with their father/believing the stories he tells them.
This is a sad turn of events. The kids are starting to see the grandparents in a different light.
