Did I mention that I hate my Ex?

[kml]

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Most of you know, I've been pretty sanguine about my ex in the past, even going so far as to genuinely feel I wished him well in his new marriage, and hoping she would care for him in his old age.

As many of you know, I have been the sole support of my three adult mentally ill children for the past year, and additionally solely responsible for a very large unexpected bill ($30,000) involving one of them. My ex has not contributed because as soon as they were not in college, his legal obligation ceased and apparently he felt no moral obligation.

Have just learned from one son that when he approached his father for some financial help, he was told that since his dad was paying ME alimony, that he WAS contributing to the kids and wouldn't contribute more!

First of all - alimony is to even things up a little from the fact that I completely mommy tracked my career during our marriage so that the kids and he would be taken care of while he excelled at his career. It has nothing whatsoever to do with child support. My ex makes three to four times as much money as I do, and will pay alimony for only 10 years (after a 24 year marriage). I work full time and very long hours. I will struggle to reach a financially secure retirement, and SHOULD be putting that alimony money towards securing that.

Second of all - the alimony he does pay me doesn't begin to cover all the kid expenses of these last couple of years. NOT even close.

Bad enough that he hasn't been contributing, but to then suggest to the kids that I can afford to pay because he's paying me alimony? Seriously????

[Cadet]

Did anyone say that divorce was fair?

I know it does not seem that way now but he will get his in the end, and if it has not happened yet that is because it is not the end yet.

Hang in there kml

[shewholurks]

Ellie, this makes me sick. It breaks my heart to see even our adult children treated so callously by their fathers. Luckily for my two their father likes to throw money at them when they need it as well as when they do not. His reason for doing so is not as much to help them out as it is to show anyone who might be watching that he is a good father. {narcissus much?}.

My children come to me for emotional support. They know I am always available to listen and advise them. I will take that over the artificial relationship their father offers any day and twice on Sundays. Your children know you will do what you can. They know who is looking out for them.

Hang in there, dear.
*hugs*
~ swl

[Live4myDay]

It s ucks! big time! My X has done the same for me. Says what he pays me in spousal support is also for the kids. S21 in college and D22 also in college but is disabled from car accident that he walked away from once she returned from hospital.

Nothing! They get nothing from him except $100 for birthay and $100 for Christmas. He was such a great father and believed in family and the whole nine yards...what a joke. He's with OW whom he left for after daughter came home.

Yes. I am the kids emotional support, throught it all! The accident, the changes in their lives with the divorce and with the transistions through college and losing our house, etc.

My kids know I am there for them. It kills me that they don't see any of this of their father. I want to just scream at them! But all I can say is I have nothing but love for him.

I will never understand, and probably never should even try, how can these WAS just so caulously walk away. Feeling guilt free from what they wiped their hands from.

He and OW are in long distance relationship and I have since moved with D a far distance to take her to SCI recovery facility. He sees D twice a year....OW every other weekend, trips to Europe, fishing in Canada... I get nothing from him! But neither do his kids!

Hang in there it could be so much worse. He just is revealing his TRUE colors. I can't believe these are the same men,

[Live4myDay]

BTW...my S would rather drop out of college a semester than have to go ask his dad for money. Hasn't even slipped him a $20 in a handshake! S has taken out student loans and XH makes over $150K year!

And my kids ask, why do you want this man back? I have no idea!

[SunFunOne]

Divorce [censored] & life is not fair. Agreed!

Daddy dearest is off to Disney World with 2 babies his OW's son fathered with 2 different women with whom he has no relationship yet his own kids probably see him for a total of app 6 hours a year. Never an overnight or vacation since he left. Told D (she turns 25 while he is away) that he's not sure when he will see her for her birthday.

But the kids know that Mom is always there for them. They are also working hard to pay their own way in life (which is a really good thing to learn). They appreciate the things they have - they've earned them.

It took me a long, long time to pay little attention to him and what he and she do. They are broken people. They deserve each other.

You are doing well with a man who seems so good for you. ENJOY! Forget the ex!

Barb

[oldtimer]

Ellie,

Would it make any sense to try to broker an agreement in which he gives more financial support to the kids than you get in alimony, and you forfeit alimony?

Or, can you go back and sue for more alimony?

Real creep, BTW, to put you in the middle of his R with kids.

[kml]

KIds are adults so he has no obligation for support unless they are fulltime college students.

Alimony cannot be renegotiated per our agreement (and the incomes that we based it on have not changed).

He's just a selfish jerk. I will have to sit down with each child and explain the financial facts of life and what "alimony" is for and what it means. Hate to do this because it makes them anxious to feel pulled between us, but I cannot allow him to give them the impression that he is helping them when he is NOT, or the impression that I am somehow ripping off their dad by collecting alimony.

[mishka422]

UGH!!

[Live4myDay]

but I cannot allow him to give them the impression that he is helping them when he is NOT, or the impression that I am somehow ripping off their dad by collecting alimony.

I feel the same way. Theres two sides to the story. He wants the kids to think hes doing his part...but he's NOT. Mine is exactly same. Tells kids thats why he pays mom spousal support. Yet he takes home 80% more than me but doesnt owe anything else.

I think it only forth right and honest to bring it to table. When I told S this he said yeah but dad said hes paying off your huge debt. I explained that that debt wasnt ours as family it was from his failed business. It wasnt money we or I spent on new cars or stuff. It was to pay dads workers and other debts in business. He honestly tried to put that on me!

My kids are 21 and 22 adult enough to know and understand what he did to end M but financialy they are clueless.