Growing a Backbone, No More Cake Eating

[sthelen]

Sigh. I feel so hopeless. I don't think this situation is ever turning around.

[sthelen]

I have no doubt he's still seeing OW.
I told him to get on with the divorce.

From what I can tell he ignored me. I haven't heard from him since. I haven't initiated any contact in 5 days.

I'm done. I do have worth and value and I am not going to sit here on a shelf while he carries out his affair on the off chance that he decides to come back.

I am not his back up plan. I will not stay married to a man I have to share, a man that has forgotten how to tell the truth. I don't believe anything that comes out of his mouth anymore.

[melissag]

sth, I'm sorry you are going through a rough time.

It does seem like it's about time you took control of your own life, rather than waiting on H to dump the OW.

You don't have to be done if you don't want to . . . but you are right -you deserve MUCH more than this.

[willbwell]

sth, it is hard. do what you need to do for you.
my h filed last oct. but there has been no movement on it. I am the one now finally feeling like I might go ahead and push it thru. I have been waiting on h, but I found that is starting to stifle me.

[AnotherStander]

I have no doubt he's still seeing OW.
I told him to get on with the divorce.

From what I can tell he ignored me. I haven't heard from him since. I haven't initiated any contact in 5 days.

I'm done. I do have worth and value and I am not going to sit here on a shelf while he carries out his affair on the off chance that he decides to come back.

I am not his back up plan. I will not stay married to a man I have to share, a man that has forgotten how to tell the truth. I don't believe anything that comes out of his mouth anymore.

Well the above is actually a huge step forward. Ironically the LBS has to get to this point of being "done" before the WAS might look back. But the important thing about getting to this point is you are coming to the realization that you have a life to live whether your H is part of it or not, and you're going to live it regardless. My only suggestion is to be careful that you don't let anger take over, use this as incentive to do great things with your life

[sthelen]

Yes, I'm pausing and thinking this through. I haven't called my attorney yet. I want to be at peace that I've done everything I can and I'm not just angry.

[sthelen]

Have I done everything I can do?

I had therapy today. She said to use this no contact time to focus on myself and make sure I will have no regrets if I proceed with the divorce.

Everyone on earth says I have done more than anyone in the world would have. I think that's true.

But I am going to think really hard about it. I think short if waving a magic wand I have done everything one person can do to save this marriage.

I have worked on me intensely. I have addressed every single complaint he had...my wardrobe, make-up, no friends, job. I have done it all.

It obviously wasn't what he wanted. But that's OK because I have a new job and a lot of new friends.

[GotoGirl]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I too feel like I'm at "the fork in the road." Even after almost 2 years, I still waiver on what I want to do. I think for me, since I do still waiver, I'm not ready to initiate a divorce (I had thought I was ready back in Sept and even told H I was but have since changed my mind!).

Hang in there, keep living for you and doing what's right for you, on your own timeline not anyone else's and then you will hqve no regrets

[sthelen]

I'm only 10 months since BD. I can't imagine doing this for 2 years....then again I can totally see myself still waivering in another year.

Lots to think about.

[sthelen]

I just don't know what to do.

I guess I'm not done.

I've told him to end it. He ignored me. So now we're...still in limbo. I just can't believe that after a year of fighting to save my marriage he's going to make me end it. I don't want the freaking divorce. But I also don't want to be lonely and in limbo for the rest of my life.

Why won't he end it??

So now instead of being adamant we need to save it like I have been since BD...I'm feeling on the fence too. I'm not even sure it can it should be saved or if I want it. But I'm not sure I don't either.

I could use an attitude adjustment from a vet.