Well my wife and I had our 10 year anniversary in June of this year but it was not at all what we planned when approaching it 2years ago we were excited but comes around May 2012 my wife and I was on the church worship team but my wife decided that she wanted to pursue a dream in music so she decided to quit the team and it seemed at that point is when she started to fall away from her relationship with God which started a chain reaction of issues, little did I know there was this coward at her job that was also pursuing the same thing and they had been going to lunch I came to find out which opened the door for her to fall a victim to deception in a vulnerable state, this coward started to spark conversation with her regarding the thing that had her heart, Music and then we wasn't seeing eye to eye so she says that was around the time she checked out of our marriage, we also have 3 beautiful children things have not been bad though we've had our issues we were ok I'm committed til death do us part but what happened to my wife? I found out about the long phone conversations in august of 2012 and confronted her and ended up breaking my hand on my fridge and was off work for almost 4 months during that time God started to deal with me concerning my issues in our marriage since have developed a good relationship with my Lord and savior but have done everything to fix my marriage to really no avail it seems it pushed her further away from me towards to the dream this coward painted for her with words she talked about our issues with him which pretty much gave him the playbook to her heart bcuz all he had to do was not make my mistakes and she stated she was swept off her feet which broke my heart and come to find out this coward lied to her about his status of being married with 2 kids she claimed he said he just had a girlfriend or fiancee but even after she find out that she still didn't end the junk claiming it was too late her heart was involved if I could go back I would but I just believe that to be immorally wrong she's married to me yet instill he came on to you don't that tell you something if he had respect for you there is no way he would have tried anything she was a target of vulnerability and he took advantage of it but now its august 2013 still in this issue I'm tired frustrated angry I have rage to beat this coward down but honestly my issue is with my wife bcuz this could have been a memory but she lets this music dream control her direction of wrong thinking this coward can help her make her dream reality when he can't so the whole grass greener junk is here, now she is claiming to want to move out to get peace and space in hopes to reconcile our marriage bcuz she don't have the feelings for me right now no intimacy no affection no love we don't kiss really this coward still works with her she knows he is still married has not filed for divorce even though he keeps saying that he wants out he also tells her he has his own apartment but he is basically still living with his wife bcuz I know where they live and have seen his car at home with his wife at 2 or 3 in the morning but my wife believes him like shes stupid I really don't get it this dude is like almost 370lbs and ugly not that it matters its ridiculous and I am trying to still make it work but separation is what she wants but for what to have freedom to be with this coward is what I think then I'm just going to give up on any chance a reconciliation I need help but the coaching I really can't afford bcuz I am still trying to catch up on bills from when I broke my hand please help I'm lost right now but I do own the books Divorce Busting and Remedy by Michelle what can I do?
Sorry you find yourself here but you will find great support here.
What were some of your W complaints in the marriage? Were any of the complaints valid I your opinio ? Since you've read DR &DB what are the 180 changes you've decided to make to be a better man for yourself, that may in turn help your marriage as well? Did you break your hand from punching something in anger? Was your W there when that happened? Is anger an issue for you? Or was this a one time thing?
You've seen the OMs car at 2-3am outisde of his home....I assume that means you purposely drove by at that hour? You're giving him too much power if he has you up late at night driving past his home...thats not ok to do. I know its easier said than done, but let your W go, your pressuring her pushing her more towards her twisted desires. Give her and the OM over to God and start focusing on you and your kids.
What are some changes that you can make for your own good that would make you the husband and father only a fool would leave?
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Hey mimi some of W's complaint were valid a bit but was no reason to open up this devilish situation I acknowledged some of the issues and God revealed them to me during this time and I've asked for deliverance and forgiveness for not following his order in my marriage but this junk is not deserved by any stretch plus she won't or don't believe she had any issues but I started building walls that caused issues but it was bcuz of both of us but I had to look at my commitment b4 God and look at the positive not negative parts of our marriage but I acknowledge have trust issues, selfish issues and some control issues bcuz of trust issues but these are also what came back to me from my honey but I can only change myself but I just realized that last year 2012 when I found out she had been going to lunch at work with this coward from work August 22nd to be exact via mobile logs and that night I felt so enraged and betrayed I punch my steel rear door then fridge and the fridge fought back to break my hand she had really no remorse stating she had checked out of our marriage and this ugly dude like almost 400lbs is who listened only to lie and deceive her but she said when she found out he was married it was too late bcuz she believes she love him and doesn't love me (the in love feeling) anymore and I was destroyed bcuz I Love her so much and asked God to give me a Love I never had for her but the way he requires us to love our wives and no I'm not a angry person but I am very territorial and I wanted to break this cowards face, back, legs etc but as far as going to the house where he claimed his wife lives there with their kids bcuz he moved out and my wife falls for the game and deception but every night I would go pass his car would be there but my wife continues to believe everything this punk says so I was trying to prove to her she's been played but like my coach says they believe everything and I can't make them see the truth he basically has to reveal the truth by getting caught lying so I'm trying to do my 180 but its hard bcuz of me continuing being devoted and faithful to my wife not just for me but for God and our children so I'm moving on with continuing working out bcuz since finding out I dropped like 50lbs want to drop 25 more all muscle start getting my swag and confidence back I believe she's noticing but I'm not going to fall for the banana in the tailpipe anymore thinking we're going back to normal I want to be better than ever and my Marriage to be better than we could imagine.
Have a remorseful or repented heart like she truly isn't sorry for her infidelity, my personal opinion is no one deserves to be cheated on in anyway emotional or physical as I said in my previous post I was selfish at times and prideful and had trust issues but has always been faithful to my wife and I love her I wasn't always in love with her because she had issues too but she's the one who betrayed our covenant commitment to each other and 3 kids but your still disrespectful and I suppose to pursue you no way, how should I treat this?
Use this thread.
Sounds like there is an alien in her body, treat it that way IMHO.
Thanks Cadet still new to this. Yes like an alien indeed I feel like I'm a husband imposter or she's a wife imposter maybe she doesn't deserve a good man who is faithful and loving instead she wants someone else's husband who is pretty much letting her know from the beginning he believes in cheating when he gets tired and this coward is like 400lbs and ugly he looks like jabba the hutt but that's what you want and that's totally not my wife's type in anyway he just listened and convinced her he could be an asset to get her noticed in the industry of music but he can't even get himself there, come on.
Yeah I get what u mean it just makes u feel less than when your wife allows herself to betray the vows for a false dream, a dream should never out weigh reality of a marriage, children a family that's gambling with lives other than your own which to me is horribly selfish and maybe u don't deserve us because we are not plan B and I don't want seconds.
