Four months since H left

[Whiterose]

Hi
ive been posting in the MLC section as my H is in full on MLC but he is also a WAH so i thought to maybe post here for some additional advice. here ae my two posts in the MLC section of the forum for some backgroud

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2368775#Post2368775

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2376322&page=1

My H pretty much wants nothing to do with me. Would be thrilled if I got hit by a bus and he could get his cash so he can "move on". It had been 5 weeks since he saw our boys, went for dinner with them last night, and his reasoning is that he doesn't have a place right now but he's texting them and its all good

I have been GAL and 180ing. My boys have even noticed the difference. We do fun stuff with our friends and family He is still very adamant he wants his cash, from the sale of our home.....doesn't matter to him where the boys and I end up as long as he can move on.
How do people find their WAS acts towards them? Do they ever come by? My H never comes to the house. Is this standard? Any advice on how to get H to see I'm working at it? Really, any advice on dealing with a WAS is appreciated.

Thank you

[FlyOnTheWall]

I know everyone says treat it the same as MLC, and you know its basically true. The difference I see it that with the MLC, the issues in the marriage may or may not be the problem. You have to wait it out, and that can take years.

The WAS thing is a little different in the aspect that it IS the issues in the marriage that caused the problems. You can make all the changes you want in MLC sitch, listen, validate, work on yourself and wait, and wait and wait.

I think for the most part DB'n is what saves ourselves, but the listening validating has a much more important impact that the WAS has been waiting for, is it too late to make the changes. No, cause you need to make them either way. But its important that the spouse see's that you can change to be a better person/spouse, and they have a voice again in a possible R.

Db'n is about not pushing our spouses further away, and taking care of the changes we need to make in ourselves. One is about separating our emotions from a sitch we have no control over, and the other is about separating our emotions to change our perception with our WAS that we're capable again of becoming the spouses they married.

I know i'm gonna get crucified from the vets for this post. But I truly see a difference in initial approach. The bigger picture of course is that because we don't know what will happen the DB approach is to save ourselves. One can only be fixed thru our changes and the other is fixed thru time and our willingness to wait out whats broken about them more than us.

Let the flames begin, im sure i'll regret this post. But I do see a difference, a big difference.

[Whiterose]

Thank you FOTW
I thought there would be a difference in a WAS and MLC spouse.....one is done, for whatever reason, and the other is due to depression, etc.

I do agree that DBing is about making me better, which needs to happen either way, but I guess I was wondering if because my H is MLC/WAH that maybe I need to do things differently with him