wife hardends heart-3

[AnotherNeedsHelp]

Only you know if separation is the right move but looking at your threads, I'd say yes it is.

Right now, she is having her cake and eating it. If I were you (which I'm not but if I was) I'd go, get some space and perspective. Let her see what she's missing with you not being around. GAL so no matter what happens between you and her, you'll be okay.

[MrBond]

I studied about different communication styles and I learned everything I could about how to communicate with your spouse and even how to read body language. I did whatever it took and exercised patience.

[Wonka]

Bond, care to share how this was accomplished? Saying a sentence or two won't cut it here. What books did you use to learn 'different communication styles' etc? You really need to be more forthcoming with concrete examples of how this was accomplished in your sitch. This way, other DBers and newbies can learn from your experience and make real world applications to their own sitches.

[MrBond]

"You really need to be more forthcoming with concrete examples of how this was accomplished in your sitch."

First of all, I don't "need" to do anything. I was asked what I did and I replied.

Second, we really aren't allowed to specify other books on this site and the list is literally very large.

When I have time I'll briefly go over some of the things, I read.

[planet]

I went to meet my L. Really go into details. I want to find out if there are any remote possibilities of a joint custody. It seems there are none. We discussed strategies and possible outcomes. The judge whom we assume most likely to attend to my case is renown to favour the mother. The welfare of my kids will be priority and i have to be a full-time father which i couldn't because i need to make a living. Therefore, will have to leave my kids at daycare centers. This does not bode well with this judge. Things like inserting infidelity will not be much to my favour. Given up here and moved on to the next agenda.
The L have inserted unrestricted visitation rights with reasonable notification. This is really to my favour and is a right. W will not be able to stop me without a good reason. I can take my kids anytime and to anywhere. It's better if i put in writing or e-mail so i will have proof that ample notification is given.
If W remarries and gets pregnant, then I will have a battling chance to reverse to custodial rights.

I have been going over my finances. I find that i may have been giving too much. Will discuss this with W soon.

I have been thinking a lot about moving away. With my recent my major pay-cut, it is untenable to be using too much money. I will need to find another job but i'm working on a start-up which will stretch myself and not to mention my finances to the maximum. I'm working on a prototype and is something relatively new to the local market. My boss is screwing not just me but a whole lot of other staffs, and i say it's payback time.

Staying here makes me a little depressed. Need to pull myself together. My partner is fast losing patience with me over my problems. He understands and is aware of my situation but i don't think anyone would like to invest their dreams on someone with problems for too long. Need to focus on my prototype. Need to let go of W. Let fate decides.

[newman7977]

Planet, don't have much time to post right now, moving d18 to college...but from the sound of your last post you sound poised and confident.

I will digest more of your post later. Keep it up, look for solutions, learn the process, brainstorm, let go of W and let her come to you.

Newman

[Wonka]

Bond,

Second, we really aren't allowed to specify other books on this site and the list is literally very large.

Not true. This site is peppered with book recommendations galore from DBers.

[MrBond]

"Not true. This site is peppered with book recommendations galore from DBers."

Yes but it goes against the terms of use.

[MrBond]

"The welfare of my kids will be priority and i have to be a full-time father which i couldn't because i need to make a living. Therefore, will have to leave my kids at daycare centers. "

I don't get it. You said that your W works also. Wouldn't she be doing the same? And besides, is there any way that your family can watch your kids while you're working?

[planet]

Our system favours the mother.
If I work and perhaps have my parents look after them on weekdays compared to W working and we have a stay-at-home nanny for weekdays, the judge will rule in her favour because our situation would be more or less equal. Less disruption to my kids life too because they still stay at the same house and go to the same play school. I could get a place nearby too but that would be another similar situation.
The biggest obstacle is to prove W as incapable rather than proving myself more capable. W is a good mother and there's nothing I could do to cast that doubt.