How can you mend a broken heart?

[RosaLinda]

Old thread: You were always on my mind

I can think of younger days when living for my life
Was everything a man could want to do.
I could never see tomorrow, I was never told about the sorrow.
And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.
......."How can you Mend a Broken Heart" -- Bee Gees

Brought over from my previous thread:

uR "Hi sweetie. I sense a bit of a shift in you and I like it. 
I am glad that you are trying to let your h go. You will backslide a bit and have some fits and starts, but, just keep trying to get back on that path.. 
I also saw that you are going to try some casual touching with your h. I think it is a good idea as long as your expectations are at zero. I dont want to see you getting hurt by him if he is not always receptive. 
I care so much about you, Rosa. And I am rooting and praying for you every day."

We all love you uR, but I REALLY am so fond of you. You are always so kind and encouraging but can be strict when you see the need. Brooklyn girl with a big heart. 

I feel so much better about things since reading what you wrote on your thread about loving my H enough to let him go. It sort of clicked in my brain. 

It's hard not to have BAD expectations about the touching, but will try. I feel like someone trying to get a feral cat used to human touch. But it's important to me to try at lesst, before H leaves. 

Nero "I'M ASKIN YA. AS A woman more than ready usually to take responsibility &blame- i'm sayin no to this one.
my h is a lawyer for pete sake- makes his living convincing people of this that or the other. that he could somehow not have "been able" to make me see - (mind you- without words totally) what the heck was going on-"

Yes of course he could have Nero. They all could. They know we are not mind readers. It hurts that our Hs didn't ever give us a chance to work on our Rs. But it's a function of their temporary insanity. 

Remember Cadet saying we'd been given the gift of time? This is it, time to get string, work on ourselves, become the best people we can be while Standing. For US, not for them!

SBR "I've often said to everyone that I don't want subtle hints or clues, I want people to tell me what they want. Don't beat around the bush and hope that I figure out what's wrong. I knew he was depressed over his son, his job, and some other things, but I didn't know he had a problem with us because he never told me."

Did it ever occur to you, Sweet Red, that maybe he really did NOT have that much of a problem with you, and that a lot of his blame was just that evil MLC rewriting they to to justify their actions? 

I sure don't think not telling your spouse about something that bothers you enough that it is destroying your love for them is normal. A lot of my married friends argue like cats and dogs, are quite aware of any problems they have with each other. They don't just suddenly announce that they love each other but are not in love with each other. 
------------
I had my granddaughter for a couple of hours this morning after working all night, and was feeling tired and old and dumpy. We went to the store to buy some ice cream (moose tracks!) and the older man in line behind me, about my age I guess, kept winking at me It felt sort of....nice!

[Whiterose]

Yay for the man in line. We like him!!!

[nero]

hiya linda-

i'm sorry about you having this DEADLINE thing hanging over your head with the russia trip.

know that feeling- soooo well, live it allll the time it feels like. hate it- the last day is sooooowierd - brace yourself. you will be back in the "fog" alot- so don't be surprised. i find myself wierd on "ending days" - STILL AFTER YEARS of his leaving crappola.

i wonder sosmetime if it will ever end for me- this business of 2 houses makes it sooooo tooooooo easy for him -

HE'S ALWAYS got reasons - his aunt is sick, his tennis buddies with the best games are down here- blah blah blah

if he wanted to be with me - he would. i can't stop thinking that....

It's hard not to have BAD expectations about the touching, but will try. smile I feel like someone trying to get a feral cat used to human touch. But it's important to me to try at lesst, before H leaves.

yeah- this is a realllll stumper - isn't it??? i feel the same- i've thought a million times - i'll give it a whirl before he goes- once or twice i even couldn't tell if he was in the mood to initiate something or what was going on - in bed- before falling asleep - when he's at his "nicest" if he's got a "nicest any more. THEN I TELL MYSELF - well, if the "signs" are sooooooo covert you can't be sure- don't do it.

just me- just my own issues that have grown out of his issues with ed- i honestly belive in my heart it's his guilt and his )of course) affair and giant LOOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEE OF HIS FATCOW - that have queered that deal for him & me.

HONESTLY- if he ever regained his normal self- i don't think it would be a problem- BUT UNTIL he gets the notion on his own- i can't bring myself *(yet) TO EVEN try. did that make sense.??/ i admire your guts-

back scratch??? always a winner - in almost any sitch for touching thatis welcome and feels great??? this bit of no expectations and remainin g neurtal when someone is treating you like a litle pile of offensive pooh- hardest thing to swallow isn't it????

the land of rejection- what an awful awful place. sometimes i have to remind myself how much i liked being "special" to him- in his life. then i fFEEL SAD for alllll the people i know who never felt that - ever - in their m's OR IN their lives.

it's sooo hard to find love i think- for so many.

good luck- will be intrerested to hear how it goes - if you choose to share.

so are you GUYS REALLY GONNA VISIT??? IT will be so cool to meet up-

i'm struggleing with the "loving enough to let him go" - can't really get the jist.

i mean, if he HAS to go- i cannot stop him. if he doesn't love me - i can't make him. if he's insane (which he is) i can't fix him-

but how can it be loving him enough? i mean- i must care somehow big bwecause i'm here. do i wish him to be happy with ow? not on your nellie. i want them to crash and burn and for him to weep bitter tears over his stupidity and trashing the best person who will ever love him most (uh hem- that would be me)

can you explain somehow that i can understand what clicks with you- that you "get it".?? just curious- as dopey as it sounds - the feeling eludes me - even the concept.

(unless it's that bit about his happiness transcending your own?0) thati understnd- but don't feel anymore.

confused - but not sad today - yay.

xxoo

[nero]

oh yeah- forgot to say:

SBR "I've often said to everyone that I don't want subtle hints or clues, I want people to tell me what they want. Don't beat around the bush and hope that I figure out what's wrong. I knew he was depressed over his son, his job, and some other things, but I didn't know he had a problem with us because he never told me."

yeah man- total honesty was teh ONLY thing i ever asked for- and believed (dopey ole me) that i had. he seemed like the one person (sufficiently ruthless i guess) who would just lay it on the line - anytime- no fear- no nothin. boy, was i ever wrong- maybe now i think the bigger they talk (about their sterling & bravery, etc qualities) the less they have?

tho small part of me still hopes integrity is lurking somewhere in him- but sayign that out loud - probably not. maybe never there- maybe always my imagination & romanticism - only)

reading this- i have to say I honestly don't think there WERE ANY GIANT PROBLEMS. MY THOUGHTS are that we'd have "felt it" if there were. i think they manufacture them in retrospect - to justify their own treason.

well- i will admit he griped about my junk around when i was doing craft shows and it got soooo crappy around here in the fall when they were on and "stuff" was piled around- it was bad. haven't done that for several years now- i can admit my mess was - messy. (i'm such a neater guy last five or so years- it never made a difference. allll my best efforts were never ever met with any acknowledgement or reinforcement. what the he!! was that anyway? you'd think if it was a serioys request- it would bemet with approval???

(tho- mind you- he is more dirty- hairs allover the place, spills on counter doesn't wipe up- lots of habits i found repulsive- and then just took care of & cleaned up. sooo- while i can acknowledge things that bothered him as legitimate- i can't buy into they being the reason to stop loving someone because i overlook sooooooo many of his bad ones. what is that tho??)

it's been sooooo long in my r (the disconnect- i probably should be ashamed to have stayed in his life this long) - beginning with the quitting smoking (10 yrs ago?)- as i say this- i'm thinking he merely traded one addiction for another. he's the type- NEEEEEDS SOMETHING. I CAN REMEMBER times when he played video games for hours and hours on end.

well, he quit smoking- got seriously miserable and began e-mailing love letters to ow & yelling at me and blaming me - and morphed into TRUE LOVE FOREVER ( for at least two separate women at the same time - nice, true love (really)) and of course- bonking them - idk

it seems childish- but then, put a loaded gun in the hands of a child and they can kill as well as an adult. it's like that -

idk anymore - well, this morning- no theories that work.

good luck women-

xx

[RosaLinda]

"if he wanted to be with me - he would. i can't stop thinking that...."

No think this way - if he wanted to be WITHOUT you, he would. He's the one who keeps coming home to NJ. 

"HONESTLY- if he ever regained his normal self- i don't think it would be a problem- BUT UNTIL he gets the notion on his own- i can't bring myself *(yet) TO EVEN try. did that make sense.??/ i admire your guts-
back scratch??? always a winner - in almost any sitch for touching thatis welcome and feels great???"

I don't think I'll have the nerve to try a back scratch. Hand on the arm or shoulder is about my level of courage now. The hug was a big risk but I couldn't help it, my heart was so full of love I thought I would burst. And I didn't even get one of those one-arm-stiff-as-a-board hugs back. Just the fish eye. But he did not flinch away, that made me  pathetically happy. I AM pathetic I guess. 

"i'm struggleing with the "loving enough to let him go" - can't really get the jist.
i mean, if he HAS to go- i cannot stop him. if he doesn't love me - i can't make him. if he's insane (which he is) i can't fix him-
but how can it be loving him enough? i mean- i must care somehow big bwecause i'm here. do i wish him to be happy with ow? not on your nellie. i want them to crash and burn and for him to weep bitter tears over his stupidity and trashing the best person who will ever love him most (uh hem- that would be me)
can you explain somehow that i can understand what clicks with you- that you "get it".?? just curious- as dopey as it sounds - the feeling eludes me - even the concept."

To me, loving someone enough to let them go means to love him enough to give him space and time to work out his problems, to work on whatever caused this MLC. To not give him an ultimatum that will stop his search for happiness right now. They are so unhappy with life, with growing older, feeling like failures. Feeling that way couldn't be their own fault Nero, so they blame ot on the most handy person, us! They are searching desperately for something that will make the pain go away. Hoping a Fat Fvcking Cow or Rusdian Twat will do the trick. 

Loving my H enough to let him go means not trying to impede him on his progress thru the tunnel. Just be there for him when he notices me. In his case, it involves this trip to Russia. But I'm trying to let him go all together, I don't mean just let him go on his trip of discovery. 

But believe me, I hope my H and the Tramp crash and burn too. But I won't try to stop him. 

"(unless it's that bit about his happiness transcending your own?0) thati understnd- but don't feel anymore."

No his happiness does not transcend mine. But I do want him to be happy. It burns me up to think of him living with RT for a month. But if that's what he needs to do right now, okay. I think he would be totally out of his mind to divorce me and marry her but if that would make him happy, okay. 

I honestly believe he is going to get over his infatuation one day and turn his heart back to me. I've got a lot to work on during the interim, but if I get tired of waiting, Plan B! And I'll be a great catch for some nice guy on the grocery store line!

"reading this- i have to say I honestly don't think there WERE ANY GIANT PROBLEMS. MY THOUGHTS are that we'd have "felt it" if there were. i think they manufacture them in retrospect - to justify their own treason."

Exactly. And some day they will realize their treason and all the false reasons and turn their eyes and hearts back to us. 

"so are you GUYS REALLY GONNA VISIT??? IT will be so cool to meet up- "

Yes on Saturday Sept 14th. Think of some place we can meet you, so you can look us over and inspect the car for axes. 

[job]

RL,
Have I offended you in some way? If my support isn't what you want or need, I will gladly refrain from posting to you.

[RosaLinda]

Snodderly whatvever would make you think that? Besides valuing your advice and guidance, i am truly fond of you and consider you a true friend. Is is because I referred to you as Ms. Snodderly and asked if I could clean the earasers? I'm sorry if that bothered you, I was just fooling around, I'm really sorry. I just consider myself thrown back into MLC High against my will, and consider YOU my teacher and/ or guidance counselor my dear. So called you Ms. Snodderly. I'm sorry, it was supposed to be a joke. Stupid. Sorry if I offended you, Snodderly

[RosaLinda]

Note to self: Do not text or email H, or try to make jokes or start new DB threads after being up for 36 hours. I ALMOST chose "I'm a Loser" but "How can you mend a broken heart" is almost as bad

[MileHigh]

At least the title doesn't mention tramps! ;-) Mine always sound pathetic. I'll ponder the next one carefully.

There have been a few jokes I've wanted to make, but decided that, while humor is good, it can also be ill-timed or misunderstood.

I know that problem of sleep-deprived posting. I'm still out of whack. About to have another nap....

[job]

RL,
There is absolutely nothing wrong with starting new DB threads or making jokes with the posters. Making jokes tends to lighten the mood up around here.

Your "joke" this morning isn't the first one that you've made about me and quite frankly, it really p@ssed me off. I don't normally get angry w/the posters, but I've had enough of being the "butt" of your silly comments/jokes. Your comments/jokes have given me the indication that my support isn't wanted, so I'm going to sit quietly and not say another word.

Now that the air has been cleared, you can get back to your MLC high school events.