Meeting other LBS's has been one of the best parts of this.
STANDING is NOT STILL!
What are you going to do when S16 goes to college?[/quote]
I agree that standing is not still (although I had to poke fun by using the title for this thread as a double entendre'). There are some areas I feel I have stood still but mostly due to financial reasons. While I am not broke (God has continued to take care of me), the expenses of upkeep and modernizing my house has been slow. I would update the house regardless of what happens plus I'd prefer to sell the house and move into something considerably smaller. I want a nice house but something easy to take care of.
Also, getting my new motorcycle is something that I have wanted again since I sold my last one several years ago. Once my son is more independent, i.e. isn't around the house as much, I will probably join an MC (not Sons of Anarchy type but one of the Christian MC groups in the area. I have one that is in my town that does a lot of charity work).
When my youngest is on his own, I will probably belong to more groups such as the ones with my church and possibly see if I can start to visit friends who have moved out of town.
Overall, I am not worried about what I will do when I am "alone." I know I will have a tough time adjusting. Since my W and I had kids, I have changed so much. I was somewhat of a loner. I mean, I got together with friends frequently but I could find enjoyment going places by myself. That isn't the case anymore. I find it hard to enjoy going anywhere without someone, especially family. I cannot say how much I love my kids and how much I like them. I would rather be with family than anyone. And I do have some good friends although they are pretty busy with their own lives.
I spend a great deal of time in my thoughts and that is good and bad. I miss my W and my kids. And there is no replacement for them. So I try to focus on the now and thank God for what I have and not what I don't have.
So I am standing "still" but not standing still.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
BklynMom, trust me. I have had my days where you wouldn't think that. Regarding the WAS and if they enjoy life knowing what disruption they have caused, I would quote my mom when she says "It's not always as it appears." I think the WAS leads a lonely life interspersed with narcissistic fun but short lived. I truly feel sorry for them because they are missing out on what's important, if that makes sense? And good advice to focus on the good things. I was just telling S16 the same thing earlier today. He is very morose most of the time.
Cadet, isn't it strange how we miss some things that were such a bother before when the kids "needed" us all the time, such as being taxi cabs? BTW, did your spouse leave before or after the empty nest happened?
Mtnman, I completely understand. And while many people would expect people like us to "move on" when we "lose" our families, the same people would be horrified if we left our families because we needed to explore on our own. If I never had a family, I think I would regret never going that route but I would probably be fine. Instead, it was my favorite thing, i.e. being a husband and a father (especially to the woman I married and the wonderful kids we had together). Like I said before, there is no replacement for them. Hang in there. While there are no guarantees, most of the what I have read from books on the subject and from stories related from those that have left their spouses, most WAS would return given enough time. The question is "do we wait?" For me, I have no interest in starting a new family. If anything, I will learn to be on my own and enjoy life as much as I can.
Cadet, isn't it strange how we miss some things that were such a bother before when the kids "needed" us all the time, such as being taxi cabs? BTW, did your spouse leave before or after the empty nest happened?
Not sure I miss being a taxi cab or the thousands of miles, me or my ex drove in circles. It is just different now. Bomb drop was just over 4 years ago, right after my oldest daughter graduated from college.(the following week) So it was just one more portion of this MLC brew.
Quote:
The question is "do we wait"
NO - Keep moving forward!
so
Quote:
I will learn to be on my own and enjoy life as much as I can.
Happy anniversary, honey. As I promised then (and wasn't always my best), I promise to love you in sickness and in health and for better and for worse. You are out there somewhere (sort to steal from Fieval) and my heart is with you. I love you, baby.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
It was tough yesterday. I'd like to say "Oh, I didn't even think about this day 23 years ago while I went out and had a fantastic time" but that wasn't the case. I spent the day watching my youngest get into a new video game. Anytime I would start doing something else, he wanted me to watch and help him with the strategy (it is a really good game requiring detective skills).
There are several things that keep me going. First, my relationship (and promise) to God. Second, my children. Too many times over the years, they have implied that they miss times past (when we were all together). They don't ever say "I wish you and mom were back together." Instead, it is about the things we all did together. And they never want to do them anymore, which I am sure because it is too painful a reminder. I know that when their mom took them to some of the places we went, they would complain to me later about their siblings being a pest and that they didnt have a good time (I never push or pry).
In reading a recent CharlyneCares newsletter, the person writing reminded me of the covenant between my wife and I and God. What is a promise if it isn't kept. And He may make things extremely discomforting in order to "persuade" the right choices. Regardless, I believe that if I really love unconditionally, I will do what is right for my W and our children, even if it hurts at times.
