I am a walking, talking, reading, googling, obsessing, crying, yelling, nut case. I'm packing, I'm making spreadsheets, I'm GAL'ing, I'm sleeping (a lot), I'm eating really weird things... like Funyuns!?!? I'm a mess.
Did you ever see the move P.S. I love you with Hillary Swank? Her character's husband dies and she spends the next month locked up in her apartment in a crazy internal world while all around her everything goes to chit. Then her family and friends come in and help her clean it up and start to get back on track. My point is... producers could have filmed that apartment scene at my house. It's a wreck! It only took a week but I have managed to live like 20 frat boys on freshman year!
I started clean up last night. I might not have, other than the fact my sweet friends are coming down this weekend to pump me full of "you're awesome" and "she's crazy."
I just have no idea what I'm doing. Where I had divided my focus between me, my growth, my GAL, my accountabilities, and my W, my M, my DB'ing... Now EVERYTHING I've got is focused on just me! And I have no idea what to do. I'm frozen.
Do I find an apartment or don't I, Do I take this class or that one, Do I join a gym? Could a nutritionist help me? Should I move to another city? Do I want kids? When should I date? Do I need medication? Should I get another dog? Why was Michael Jordan in my dream last night?
Good morning. And welcome to the thread that might have me and my crazy committed! Exactly what stage of DB'ing am I in?!?!?!?
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
But don't think I don't feel your pain, it comes through loud and clear. There is not a lot to do at this point except ride it out. This is what DB has given you, the strength, the tools and the friends to do it.
Personally? I had Ativan and sleeping pills for a while when I found out about XGF. Saved my butt. So did my friends on here and in the real world.
You have both, so we will all pull you through. Looks like a surfing trip to Hatteras next spring break is a must...;)
What is the image you want to end with? are there small steps you can do today to get you there????
Begin with the end in mind
YOU ARE AWESOME!
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Ummm you do remember my sitch, right?? Lol....I have to tell you this journey brought me to this place where if H said I want to try again, I am not sure I would jump in.
Not that I don't love the boy, it's just I gotta have some more me time
Do I find an apartment or don't I, Do I take this class or that one, Do I join a gym? Could a nutritionist help me? Should I move to another city? Do I want kids? When should I date? Do I need medication? Should I get another dog? Why was Michael Jordan in my dream last night?
LOL...the real question is, what do you want? Maybe not with the medication or the dream, but at least the rest of it
:)^^^^makes me laugh cause I was thinking yesterday about how many different scenarios I tried on in my mind soon after BD...I even went to look at apartments, checked put another city.
In the end I didn't do any of them but it was part of the process.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Ruby and Spin. I think all 3 of us are married to the same person!!! Clones!
Bug, You are so right in your signature... I am going through bomb #2. The moving out! Trouble is... she doesn't seem to see it that way. She won't give me an address to send her stuff, she won't help me separate the finances... she's just trying to continue to keep me in her pocket. When she called me yesterday half way through she mentioned being in the car. HA!!! I remember when she used to get texts from the AP and then need to "go to the store" for something so she could call the AP privately. She's bananas. She is trying everything she can to keep her cake and eat it too.
Funny FB story. An old friend of ours found out that my SBXW has moved out and left me for AP. I got 3 phone calls from others about a FB post the old friend made yesterday to my SBXW page(I deactivated my FB account for some peace) Well here is what the old friend posted to my SBXW:
"So I heard the limo broke down. I have no idea where the bus you're on is headed. I'm sorry I haven't been around. I luv ya, hell I'd do anything for ya. I should have been there to support you and help you fix the limo because you don't belong on that bus."
LOLOLOL!!! This old friend has been close to all three of us... myself, W, AP for 12-20 years depending on who your asking and knows us well.
HA! Thanks for the support to day friends!
Luv, "The limo"
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
