Today is a good day I didn't even had one thought of H today and I actually had a wonderful and peaceful night. I actually sleep all the way through the night without getting up every hour like I have been for the last two monthes. I'm starting to slowly let go of H but in still not giving up on our marriage. I have been having a super and awesome new relationship with MIL she has been coming up with lots of things for me to improve myself and she said that she will go with me to get myself a new makeover and help me to look more attractive to show what H had given up. ( its kinda weird that she is welling to help me out here and its her son that is leaving me) but I will take anyone's help and she is encouraging me to start going out with my friends and she will watch my boys for the evening. Which is pretty cool once again. She also told me that she knows for a fact that this relationship that her son is having with OW will not last. She doesn't know how long but when H has a talk with her about what's going on she knows her sin much more then he knows himself. And every time he does something she us usually about 90% correct. She told me to back off and let him go but be the better person then OW and he will come back cause we have a 13 year history together and we have two boys. And the best part for me is that I have Hus first born and I'm the first wife and I'm do much better then OW. So we will see how this goes. I'll keep posting down the road.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
Sounds like you've got a good MIL I wish my MIL was like that! We do talk, but it's just chit chat. I've no family close to me, so I'm on my own. Everything that your MIL says is spot on and I'm really pleased that she's helping you Glad to hear that you're getting stronger and you're sleeping better. I'll probably not get much sleep again tonight because I'm worried about H. He does normally ring me back, so I can't think why he isn't. I know I'm obsessing, but I'm now thinking the worse and that his phone is broken or he's lost it or he's had an accident. I know that no news is good news, so I'll just have to rely on that one!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
180 I'm really sorry to hear that you are having a bad day. I hope you will hear from hour H soon I'm sure he is OK he maybe doing something at this time he is not able to get back to you. But in know how you feel about not hear back from H right away my H do that sometimes with me too sometimes he doesn't respond back for hours but I'm not going to let it bother me anymore I need to move on. I'm sorry that you don't have any daily close by I too don't have blood family close by the closes family I have is about 10 hours away from me. So I'm glad my MIL is welling to help me I was kinda of worried that she wouldnt be there to help me since I don't have any family close by. And 180 I know we live miles apart but I would like to be part of your family as you are mine. I'm originally from Hawaii and we treat our friends like they are part of our family and you are now part of my family. You have been very helpful to me and I hope that I will be able to help you too I'm still not good on giving good advices but I will try my hardest to try to be there for you as you have been for me. I will be here for you as you have been for me thank you my friend.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
Don't know what happened but my mind is racing once again this time it feels like deep down that H and OW is moving in together I don't know if this is real or not and I know that I will have to let it go cause I have no control over what H and OW does. I just don't want my boys around that person at this time. This is a bad dream I had last night. I hope this dream is not real right now. And I'm trying not to ask cause if its real them I know that I'm going to be really hurt about it. I wish my mind would just stop doing the roller coaster emotions. OK I'm.going to try to go back to sleep now.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
Don't know what happened but my mind is racing once again this time it feels like deep down that H and OW is moving in together I don't know if this is real or not and I know that I will have to let it go cause I have no control over what H and OW does. I just don't want my boys around that person at this time. This is a bad dream I had last night. I hope this dream is not real right now. And I'm trying not to ask cause if its real them I know that I'm going to be really hurt about it. I wish my mind would just stop doing the roller coaster emotions. OK I'm.going to try to go back to sleep now.
K, sorry you're going thru this. Would your H be wiling to an agreement about the boys and the OW? Mine agreed that there would be no contact for a minimum of 6 months from date of separation to allow our son to adjust to the new situation. Of course I did word it "no new partner of either of us..." In order to not come across as demanding.
Stay strong.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
Positive thinking is ESSENTIAL for you, especially now. Silly as it may sound, having a "sad" thread title only reinforces your sadness. So having a wonderful, promising thread title as you do now will reinforce wonderful and promising things!!
This doesn't mean everything will now magically be rainbows and sunshine. (Oh if it were only that easy!!)
I would like to suggest you deal head on with your racing thoughts and fears. Such as actually saying in your head
"I feel uneasy right now because I think H and OW will be living together."
Acknowledge what you feel because you have a RIGHT to feel that way. You have been emotionally assaulted.
What you don't have a RIGHT to do is to allow your "feelings" to determine your behavior, to EXCUSE doing/saying what you know you shouldn't.
But you are on the right track with
I know that I will have to let it go cause I have no control over what H and OW does
(I made your words pink just to bug you!! Lol) Good for you to know that ^^! The next step is to train your brain to focus on what you DO have control over - YOU!!
I'm going to challenge you once again to stretch yourself. 180 has been a good friend to you here on DB. I'm willing to bet that she'd love you to visit her thread and return the kindness she has shown you. Reach out K, reach and grow.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
He told me that he is not going to have our boys meet OW but sometime down the road they will have to meet her since he is not giving up the OW right now. That was sometime last month. But now he is moving out in a couple of days and he said that he and OW is not moving in together right now he wants to be on his own. But how do I know that is true or not without snooping or asking anymore from him. My last post was pretty much a mind reading statement I once again let my mind race and I know its not healthy to do that. I just wish my mind would just stop and move on. There is nothing I can do at this time but keep hoping that one day H will come back to our family. I have to take it one day at a time.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
What difference would it make if you knew? It would just make you mad, and make you sad. But you wouldn't be able to "do" anything about it. So, remain ignorant!
There is nothing I can do at this time but keep hoping that one day H will come back to our family.
No! Almost, but No!
There is nothing I can do at this time but keep hoping that one day H will come back to our family.
There is nothing I can do at this time but keep working on ME!
YES!!
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Hi K, Sorry I've not been in touch lately, I forgot to add this new thread to my watched posts and then I've been busy as well I've got the afternoon free today, so I'm going to spend it tidying and cleaning the house. We're going out to my friend's later, going to have some food and drink and then stopping over until tomorrow Hopefully tomorrow we're going to a fun day and the theme is Royal Baby shower Still not heard from H, I think he's ignoring me. Felt a lot better this morning about it though, I woke up feeling happy this morning, it's been a good day Looking on the positive side of your sitch, if he did move in with the OW it might be a good thing. So far he's seen her looking and acting her best. When he moves in with her he'll see her without makeup on in the morning and she won't be able to keep up with the pleasantries either. There'll be times when they'll both get on each other nerves and you can guarantee he'll get fed up soon. When my H had an affair, I wouldn't let the OW go out with my son either. It's just too horrible isn't it? I even told my lawyer to put it into the D. Luckily though the first time round we didn't actually D, he came back before he signed the papers. So pleased that you consider yourself my friend and family I've got a friend over here that I call sis, so now I've got another sis Have a good day yourself K. Stay positive, you're doing really well
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I wish my MIL was like that! We do talk, but it's just chit chat. I've no family close to me, so I'm on my own. Everything that your MIL says is spot on and I'm really pleased that she's helping you