Let her be afraid, TDF! My H said similar. He looked at breaks ups I had in my past and evaluated how I treated the ex during and after the breakup. It helped him to know I meant business when I finally agreed to D.
He said he saw changes I had made in myself, for myself, and yet I was assisting him in D proceedings and he knew that pretty soon he was going to be on the outside or my circle of affection. And he found that frightening.
I'm not suggesting anything for your sitch, just sharing.
Hang in there
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
T^2, your W and my H must've memorized that page in the MLC script book! H said almost excactly the same things to me! But he added, "rH you can be a real b_____ if you wanna be and I'm not looking forward on being on the receiving end of it."
I had no fixit qualities to miss, lol!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Well let me tell you my W is no angel. If she treats me as she treats me now married I can only imagine the spew/crap I will get if she files. Yes I could be really mean in the past but I'm currently working the 12 steps to not be that person again. Just today I helped 3 people out. That is new for me. It felt good. Yes I think she fears when I have the kids there will be no contact etc..She wants the best of both worlds a D and me to be there for her post D. Just some mind reading of course
rH, W knows that I am incredibly hard to push too far, but when I do get there, its like waking up a dragon...lol
And I have to think she was a we bit worried at the time that with all the behaviors of the last 2-4 years, that BD#3 and wanting to co-habitate after D was just the poke that would wake the dragon...
I told her at the time that I would always be polite to her in front of the kids, but other than that it wasn't my problem to worry about, it was hers. Don't know if that is DB'ing, but that's what came out.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
One of the things W mentioned early in all this, was that after D we could remain good friends. I made no comment regarding this back then, because frankly, I was shell shocked and spinning.
During our recent anniversary talk on the moonlit beach in Cancun, W explained that she was still sure she wanted out. (yes it was very romantic!) I let her know that if we do break up, that's the end of the buddy system for me. She didn't like that. And with no kids, it would be quite easy to pull off.
Oh, and I do have Mr Fixit qualities.
We have a lot more power in this than most of us realize. Be strong you all. No one wants a wussy spouse.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
ha! My H mentioned the same thing to me early on, the 'we could remain good friends afterwards'. At which point I told him NO! I think he was quite surprised
He even had this nice vision of us living together while separated, in the same house, taking care of the children, having meals together, etc. I told him that is not going to happen! We are still in limbo now though, so I haven't had to deal with any of this as of yet.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
T2, and all of the posters here, My h said something along that same line about remaining friends no matter what happened but then retracted when he thought about it. I'm not quick to anger in most situations but there are those few things that I have an immediate negative reaction to. One of those would be lying and the other being that when a relationship is over it's over completely for me. There's no looking back.
I think we are all married to fence sitters. They are weighing the pros and cons of whether it's worth losing our love, devotion and loyalty for the unknown. That may be working to our advantage with out spouses right now and explain why they are sitting on the fence. If they could be honest with themselves they would see that we're happily living our lives in spite of their behavior and indecision.
Pass the popcorn, I'm firmly planted on the curb while they teeter.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
That's the silly thing. They still "love" us, but believe that they are not "in love" with us.
Thus the ILYBINILWY speech we all heard as our hearts were stabbed with a 20 or 30 year long knife.
Here's the thing: That "in love" feeling they are searching for (sometimes called Limerence) typically lasts 6 to 24 months.
Because I'm brave, (or stupid) I once told W "so you're going to find someone new, and it'll be real hot for a year or two, and then turn cool. What then?
Several months later she admitted: "I know the hotness of a new relationship won't last"
...and she's still here, sans OM.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
