One thing I wanted to mention, for whoever, and for my journal:
The more I get out into the world and try out this "old+new me" thing I created, the more I am convinced/comforted that this MLC thing really wasn't all about me, that it is the mlc'er. Yes, I contributed a lot to the M issues, but have remedied them.
...
I have regained "myself", built a better self, done the work, the hard work, that this mlc journey provides such an opportunity for...it was a good thing in the end, if a painful thing.
I like your term "old+new me" -- I agree with this idea that the shock of the MLC causes us to change too. I am also happy with some of the changes that have become part of my personality, outlook, and way of life now. One thing that has changed is I've become more independent of my W. After such a long marriage I think my identity became associated with the marriage as if I didn't exist separately from the marriage. I think this happens to a lot of couples.
This paint drying museum exhibit is definitely not one of my favorites
Something that I've been thinking about that I've noticed, in our sitches and others...
I think that sometimes when we are just doing the "normal life stuff" and things seem quiet and status quo, that it may appear nothing much is going on. But beneath the surface, a lot is going on.
You are both changing, growing, thinking. There is movement, in yourselves and in your life.
Just like the old watched pot that's slow to boil, I think that the more we watch for things or wait for things, the longer they seem to take.
But you are focusing on yourself, doing YOUR thing, discovering who you are. And one day you realized, "Hey, I like this version of me!"
So do we
Keep up the great work!
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
M38,H39 M:16Y BD:8/12 OWDB:11/12 S:11/12-5/13 "Temp" home:6/13 OW dropped:9/13 "I love you":12/13 H ring on:2/14 Depression back:5/15 "I'm done:" 7/15 H moved out: 3/16 H moved back: 12/16 Working on us: 3/17
Hmm sounds pretty cool. I think I might get caught watching it dry too!
M38,H39 M:16Y BD:8/12 OWDB:11/12 S:11/12-5/13 "Temp" home:6/13 OW dropped:9/13 "I love you":12/13 H ring on:2/14 Depression back:5/15 "I'm done:" 7/15 H moved out: 3/16 H moved back: 12/16 Working on us: 3/17
You know, when new people come on here, I sometimes tell them that though they will wish this didnt happen in the way that it did, they will be forever changed.
I tell them if they do the work, they have an amazing opportunity throughout this. And that they will come out the other side stronger and wiser.
They never believe me while they are in their initial pain.
But you are a shining example of exactly what I mean.
I am not surprised you are getting positive reactions from the old+new T. We see who you are and so do they.
And TVS is right, often when it is really quiet, the most work is being done.
Besides piecing, this part is the hardest - limbo.
You just continue to be you, and let time and quiet do its work on your wife.
What I find interesting is that a lot of MY contributions to the M issues were derived from MY own personal issues, eg, abandonment issues, fear of rejection issues, etc. This "time" gift has given me opportunity to fix "me", and as a result, those effects should not surface (too much) going forward in the/a new R.
As Snodderly might say...I am comfortable in my own skin now (again). I like me. I don't need to "nice guy" control, hold people too tightly in fear of being abandoned, bad things can happen and I know all will work out, somehow.
I see so many sitches that are so much worse than mine, so many people with issues bigger, and harder than mine. I feel blessed to have this "me" again, and to have had this time. And yes, uRw, I didn't believe when I first strolled up here...now I do. I get it. I get a lot of things now, so much better.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
T2. One thing my W stated after the most recent D drop again was this. "The reason why I haven't D'd you as of right now is because I am scared on how you will treat me after the D"
It sticks in my little hamster head daily. I still don't fully understand what she meant. Like I wasn't going to be her pen pal post D.
