My previous thread has disappeared. Not sure what happened to it. Kind of like my life and marriage.
I had taken my wedding ring off but decided to wear it today. My H noticed it at work but didn't say anything. I love him dearly and want this to work. My biggest problem is my lack of patience and wanting instant gratification. I hate the unknown. I just want him to tell me he wants to give us a try. That doesn't mean he has to move back home. Just that he's open to trying.
At times I wonder what I love about this man. He has hurt me and my kids. He has broken up our home. But I also appreciate that he wants happiness for both of us. He told me last night that he's happy with the separation. That it was inevitable. Has anyone had a spouse or been a spouse who has left and was happy but then had a change of heart? What will cause that change? I'm afraid it will be too late.
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
I hope that one of the VETS can chime in here because I am at a loss of words. The WAS can have a change of heart at any given time. What triggers it could be anything.
If they chose to leave, I wouldn't say they are happy about it, even if they say they are. WAS are confused with what they want and what they are feeling. REMEMBER, believe nothing of what they say and only 50% of what you see. They are trying to work through their feelings.
In their minds, they are making the best decision they can, based on what they are feeling at the time. It doesn't mean that they are making a good decision.
If you are wanting to reconcile with your husband show him by keeping your wedding ring on. Let him know that your goal is to work through your marital issues and to keep your family intact. If he chooses to leave, put that decision squarely on his shoulders. Don't be accommodating when it comes to S or D. Make him do all the work.
He will blame everything on you but you cannot believe that. It is not your fault, but it is your problem now. How you react to his behavior, will cause him to react. He may not react positively but he will react. How he reacts is not your problem and you cannot control his feelings.
If he reacts negatively, just calmly say, "im sorry you feel that way", and then go about your business.
My post may be old news to you but without reading your situation, this is the best I can come up with.
I am sorry that you have been going through this for so long.
