M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
W is contacting me via texts and we are discussing things like MC's via email.
Texts: Her texts are different to what they have been for well over 7 months. She is either upping her WAS tether game or she is trying/changing for the better. I'm not going go out on a limb and say which one because it's too early to tell.
She doesn't mention the kids much unless I ask about them. She asks me how my day has been. She's even validating, thats weird!
I'm mixing it up on how and when I reply. I'm polite but make sure I'm not too eager. She comes across as eager.
Emails: The emails are more serious in nature than the texts. We have spoke about books, MC's and child visitation.
She mentioned her half brothers wedding in two weeks and me going if we were getting on better. I told her I appreciate the invite but I want to see more traction in regards to communication and counciling before we spend any general time together. Either I didn't understand what she was saying properly or she tried to wriggle out of the invite when I turned it down. She says we are on the same wave length (page) in regards to spending time together.
We are having a disagreement about when we are having the kids at weekends. I'm keeping my cool, being assertive and validating when I think it makes sense. I can sense her getting angry about some of it but so far she is keeping it under control. It gives me an idea of how she is. This conversation a month ago would have been a right mess (theres still time) This conversation last week would have been like armageddon.
I told her about Retrouville and she said she would do it. As soon as something is set up for the kids for that weekend I will be asking her for her deposit which should also give me a better idea of how committed she is.
I've got to admit it is a nice feeling the way it is going. I mentally position myself a few times a day to remind myself that if it goes nowhere I'm fine either way. Expectations aren't zero but I'm managing to keep them in check.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
I told her about Retrouville and she said she would do it. As soon as something is set up for the kids for that weekend I will be asking her for her deposit which should also give me a better idea of how committed she is.
You sound like a different man! And that's really attractive thank asking what to do all the time and being scared of what to do. Maybe this is what you needed to do to not be a Maybe-man anymore
M37 H36 M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist 7/12:H broke down 10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after 1/13:H wants to leave 2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving 3/13: S begins
It does feel good to just do it. I would have spent a long time working out how to ask her before. It is a lot easier to be this way when the outcome is fine either way. Obviously I need to move that to areas of my life where the outcome is important now.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
Our best chance at Retrouvaille was my parents having the kids that weekend and I have just found out they are away for the first full weekend and two of the four post Saturdays.
MC's are really slim pickings. They are either just spectators or don't specialise in couples or it's just individuals.
Won't give up yet but it's not looking good. If we can't do Retro and we can't get a MC where does that leave us in regards to what to do next?
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
Got a text from W this morning. She has been to see her doctor. She could be Bipolar and they are referring her to the Mental Health Department.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
Where I live it is sometimes possible to pay and adult from kindergarten to have children for a weekend or simply to live at your house with the children - but I don’t know if that’s a possibility in your country! How about professional care? I know this will raise the cost and if that’s a problem then talk to the people at Retro about it!
You are on a journey where the children will have major benefits for many many years. I know about all the concerns about who to ask for this: Do they know the children well enough, will the children like it and so on….but do also mind the long termed benefits for the children if you reach the goal.
It seems like SBT is a problem in Europe - its exactly the same here. I haven't found any yet - but keep looking!
Just a thought!
Otherwise I just keep my fingers crossed – you are doing great and I do believe in you!
F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
Spoke to W a little about the above. She said she is having a good day today so she's not too bad about it . She is worried how she is going to feel out it when she has an off day. She is keeping track of her moods to see if there is a pattern to it all.
I validated her and told her I was proud of what she had done so far.
I wasn't expecting her to see her doctor, it certainly looks like she is trying.
Had my appointment with solicitor today which seemed strange considering what is currently going on. I was tempted to cancel but I went anyway. I found out what I needed to know should this all go south.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
Where I live it is sometimes possible to pay and adult from kindergarten to have children for a weekend or simply to live at your house with the children - but I don’t know if that’s a possibility in your country! How about professional care? I know this will raise the cost and if that’s a problem then talk to the people at Retro about it!
You are on a journey where the children will have major benefits for many many years. I know about all the concerns about who to ask for this: Do they know the children well enough, will the children like it and so on….but do also mind the long termed benefits for the children if you reach the goal.
It seems like SBT is a problem in Europe - its exactly the same here. I haven't found any yet - but keep looking!
Just a thought!
Otherwise I just keep my fingers crossed – you are doing great and I do believe in you!
F
Thanks F,
You are correct that as long as it's safe to do so with the childcare this should benefit all of us for a long time and that should be taken into account. There are other avenues to try yet.
I will keep looking for MC's, I didn't think it would this hard to find one.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
