It really is a long haul...thread #4

[in_it]

First let me start off by saying thank you to all my friends here. Your continued posts to my thread have been very encouraging.

Now time for a much needed update. I'm sure it will get long. I will try to keep it short & add later if I think of something & answer questions if they are asked. Also I've been keeping up with each of your threads as well, so I'm still in the loop.

I've been DBing by hind end off! GALing, keeping an incredible PMA, no mind reading, and most importantly I've given space & time.

I found out 2 weeks ago at 16 weeks 5 days that I am having a boy & a girl! I'm so excited! I am now pushing 19 weeks & definitely feeling it. I've discovered that a twin pregnancy is so different than a single one. This just happened over the last week. I popped overnight & get questions daily on when I'm due. I love the look on their face when I tell them late December. They can't believe it until I tell them it's twins.

Now, on to my sitch with the H...
He came to me on 6/20 & told me that he was breaking off his relationship with OW. We have been taking things one day at a time & things are moving quite smoothly as of now. He has been very apologetic but still very quiet in regards to some areas of his life. Our communication is pretty good. I'm still very careful as to how I come across or approach certain things regarding my feelings & reservations regarding our sitch.

I'm still going to IC weekly & H is warming up to the idea. I know that one of our major disconnects is our LLs. My question is this-Is it okay to ask him to read the 5LL with me? I've read it, but think it would open his eyes to a lot of our problems & feelings.

I've kept to myself for a while now in regards to the change in my sitch, only telling my IC for fear of "jinxing" anything & feel it's right to put it out there now.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Monday!

[in_it]

Another thing that has been nice with the H so far is how amazing he has been this past month regarding my pregnancy & the babies. He is very excited & talks about them constantly. I really do feel as if it's genuine. My only worries is that he his throwing all of his thoughts/feelings towards them to avoid other emotions.

It's such a fine line & tricky road to go down. For now I'm going with it & showing him the new strong me. He has commented several times about my confidence throughout our entire sitch & never thought I would be that way. He has also mentioned that after he said he wanted to be with me & chose us & our marriage that he thought I'd go back to my old ways & self. I told him that I've made many changes for myself & that's why they've stuck.

[labug]

Keep at it, in_it. I'm happy for you and your family.

[BrightFuture]

In_it, wonderful news! I am so happy for you. Did you tell him about the twins before or after he broke it off with OW and came to you? What was his reaction? I remember that you were afraid to tell him the news.

This is great that he noticed the changes in you. This is very important now to keep these changes permanent. Keep it up!

[KarenR]

Congratulations on the big news of twins!I would keep doing what you are doing and not have him read LL at this time...maybe down the line...but you can also ask your coach or counselor when the time is right. Besides IC, many folks talk to a DB coach, as they are experts in Michele's techniques and philosophy about how to save marriages. Your coach will help you come up with a very specific plan on how to interact with your husband in a way that is most likely to bring him closer and how to approach him about talking to a coach in the future. Take good care.

[in_it]

Thanks BF. I actually told him the day before (6/19), but he had ended it with her on 6/13 & provided proof of it. I do believe that she has texted him a few times since then stating that she misses him. He just replies that he understands, but where he is now is where he wants to be. She hasn't asked for him back. I think she is just sad. H has been as well. I know this is a process & he had developed feelings for her. A person just can't turn that off.

When I did tell H about the twins he was shocked & had all the same immediate concerns that I had. He was worried that we would be broke forever, never sleep again, etc. etc. etc.

[RealityTrip]

I am smiling for you! I'm so glad that you and H are moving forward. Patience, patience, patience.

I am super happy to hear boy/girl! SO special!

Is H telling you when his ex-AP is texting him? How are you feeling about her still trying to contact him?

You are doing great! Slow, slow, slow.

And oh my! I hope your twins aren't due in 2103! What a pregancy that would be!!! Check you sig line! lol!!!

[in_it]

Oh no, that would be a very hard pregnancy! Got it fixed. Thanks for catching that RT.

Yes, H has told me each time that they have had contact & even shown me their exchanges. It helps that he is so open.

[MrCAS]

[Mimi00]

Just finished reading your last thread....your strength is inspiring. So happy things are working for your good.