Hi, Just wanted to get a little input in which I probably already know the answer to.
I have been divorced since May 29th. And I still find myself thinking about my ex wife daily. A couple things have happened since my last post. The last time I contacted her was just to see how she was doing and say hi. Her response was simply......."wonderful, and please leave me alone" So I have not contacted her since.
On facebook she continues to post things that show how fabulous her life is. And she looks so happy that she has moved on with her life. She has moved into her aunts house becaause the house was left to her after her aunt passed in march and therefore is selling the house that her and I lived in. I am assuming she is trying to erase as many memories as possible.
I am wondering everyones opinion on if I should take the time to send her card on her birthday next week , email her or just continue to leave her alone....
This is still killing me and i jyst cannot seem to get over her no matter what i do. I want to acknowledge her bday and i know she will not respond anyway but i want to do it just because that is how i am. i expect nothing in return.
what should i do
Me 33 W 32 Married 10/13/12 WAW Started sleeping in spare room 1/13/13 Divorce filed 2/13/13 Seperated 3/1/13 till ????????? Divorced 5/28/13
jaytee, I know it hurts. I will be where you are in less than a month.
Just let it go. She asked you to leave her alone, take her at her word. Ignore Facebook, many people use Facebook to present a false image of how wonderful their life is. Some people here might even recommend unfollowing your ex or closing your account.
What are doing to GAL? You need to focus on yourself now, not your ex.
JT... I know we have some similar comparisons in our sits....but the amount of time I let things go has played huge to win back favorable contact in my case. I'm not saying don't send a card....but if you do, do it with "No" strings or expectations attached, and leave it at that.
I wasn't ever totally dark as in not contacting her....I couldn't seem to go only about a month before the urge to reach out in a friendly way with a short little text or email saying "hey". However, the FB thing....best advice is to get off and stay off for a min of 3 months....it does you more harm than you think! You can use that time frame to really get a better grasp of your own life and directions.....plus she will notice, more than you know trust me....mine did. My ex had her 40th birthday back in early May, and Mothers Day was close to follow....You have to remember that I was married to her for 7 plus years, and I was always given the task of picking things up for her to be given to her from her kids...they spend one week here and the other week with their bio-dad. Anyway I placed a few things on her front porch really early Mothers Day morning that made a huge connection to some of the things she liked and we enjoyed together. I made up 2 really nice decorative planters of strawberry plants from the patch we had planted out back on the farm together...these produce berries thru the month of June...plus I picked about 10 lbs of fresh asparagus (something I introduced to her that she had never ate before meeting me, and now she loved) warping it up in neat bundles all placed in a wicker basket with a few apple blossoms on top, and inside a box a nice fitting women's Detroit Tigers jersey personalizes with Kid Rock and the number 40 on the back....she loves the Tigers and Kid Roch had a 40th b-day bash a year earlier but the theme still fit perfectly! My card was made out as if it were being sent from the dogs...the only 2 children we had together, and I sort of got stuck with. I didn't expect her to say anything....but she did send me a thank you text. I heard later that I really hit a home run with my gesture thru the kids....and she was actually wearing the jersey!
I will say this again though...this is a marathon....no a sprint! The time you are apart is best used on yourself in becoming the type of mn only a fool would walk away from....you have to develop a ton of patience! Believe me, I know how hard this is....but hang in there! Let go the old relationship....let it die, so tat something else can grow from it....and wait to build something new and better on a much more fertile ground!
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
PS....take a little time to adjust your mindset.....take stock in how it makes you feel internally when you are looking at things on FB. I just felt my heart break again and again, when ever I saw that she was moving on with another man.....even if we are now starting to test the waters of a frienship stage, I know I have to really keep myself in check.
Good Luck my man! Its a long hard road we have ahead!
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
She asked you to leave her alone.. by contacting her...you are not respecting her wishes.
By saying that "it's just who you are" is justifying that your wants are more important that hers.
The only thing that will stop your wife from being cold with you is HER. Don't play into it... but realize that you are being selfish right now by not letting her go.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
I have to be honest. If it's all really over 3 arguments and there was no verbal abuse, it is absolutely NOT normal for a wife to leave her husband over that. Have you considered there might be something else?
