It's been less than 2 weeks since the ow arrived. It appears that MLC Fantasyland isn't all it's cracked up to be. I have no expectations that anything will change but the latest drama gives us all a peek into what life can be like for an MLCer that choses to take up with an OP. Not everyone has a h or w that shares as much my h does so sit back, grab a bag of popcorn, your favorite beverage and enjoy a typical day in the life of a MLCer who thinks that the grass is green with an OP.
H called yesterday evening and asked if he could come by for a visit. I wasn't getting good vibes from him at all. I hesitantly agree thinking the worst. I told him to come over if he needed to. He must have already been on his way because he was here in less than 5 minutes. He grabs a container of ice cream and tells me that he is PI$$ed! He apologized for complaining but kept right on going. He says that ow got a bug up her a$$ because the moving van was coming tomorrow (today-Monday) and decided that she wanted to paint. He took her to the hardware store to get some paint. When they got there she had them custom cut some shelves and mix the paint. When it came time to pay she assumed he was going to cover it. HA! He told her that if she wanted the paint and install shelves that she would have to pay for them and do it herself. She looked at him like he just slapped her in the face. He said that he wasn't going to pay for it and that she could afford it. She pulled out a credit card, which she told him previously that she had destroyed after her bankruptcy. He said that he couldn't just stand there and watch her paint so the marathon painting began. When they were finished she asked him if he was going to get cleaned up and take her out for dinner. It sounds like he didn't hold anything back. Told her that he was tired and didn't appreciate her springing this painting party on him at the last minute. She tried to soothe him by saying, " but look what we did and accomplished together, don't you feel good about that?" He said NO, I'm tired, I work and I don't need or want to do this on my weekends. She told him that she could have painted 5 rooms today. He said good for you, have at it but I'm not painting any more. So she tried again to get him to take a shower and dress for dinner. Guess he lost it and asked her if she heard what he had just said. She grabbed the keys to HIS car, ripped the cover off, threw it off into the bushes and left by herself to go to dinner. He said, she isn't going to have me things that I don't want to do. I don't know who she thinks I am! I'm sure it was a culmination of more than what he told me but he said he'd had it. He stayed for about an hour eating from that container of ice cream the entire time. LOL All I could do was listen. Then he said the words that we all hope to hear; "This isn't going to work for me."
He knew that she was high maintenance and that she's use to everyone around her doing as she requests so I don't know why he thinks that he's any different!
This morning at 800am I hear the a car pull into the driveway and look out the window. It's h, in his car. He comes in and asks me if he could put his car back in the garage then asks me if I want to go out for a coffee. I had things to do and debated but thought...hmmm, he seems even angrier this morning than he did last night. I decided this was going to be good so off we go to get coffee. He tells me that the moving van was going to be there any minute and he told her NOT TO LET THEM UNLOAD THE TRUCK! I said, WHAAAT? He starts in on her again and says that he doesn't like her attitude and that she's probably back at the house making a reservation to fly back home. In the course of their argument she told him that he was AFRAID of his new job and AFRAID of making a commitment to their relationship! That probably pi$$ed him off more than anything else she could have said to him, saying that he was afraid. My only comment was, "she doesn't know you very well if she said that about you". He looked at me and smiled and of course agreed. My mind is reeling and internally I'm cheering! He goes on to say that he's pissed at himself that he "wasted the money" buying the house (obviously he had HER in mind when he bought it) but that he likes the house, it's a nice setting (my words when I saw the house) that he had a few ideas to make it more like a home for US or could live there by himself or rent it out like we had originally planned. I let him talk and then just looked at him (with the most sympathetic expression that I could muster). LOL He said, you're awfully quiet. I said that I was a bit shocked. The real reason that I was quiet is because it's hard to talk when you're biting your tongue! I couldn't think of anything positive to say so I just told him that I was sorry that this was happening.
When we got back in the car he apologized again for using me as a sounding board. His phone beeps with a text. He reads it and said that it was ow and she wants to "at least talk about this". Instead of coming back to my house to get his car, he went to the new house. As we get close to the house I see this huge Moving Van parked alongside the road. There is no way that this moving van is getting down the tiny one lane road that goes to the house. He's chuckling and I still can't think of anything to say that doesn't scream "I told you so". He says he wonders how she thought that a moving van was going to get down that road. We pass the van and get to the house. The movers are standing outside. She's no where in sight. Just before he gets out of the car he says that he's not going to help her fix this one.....whatever that meant. I wished him luck as he got out of the car. He said he'd let me know if he needed to come back to the house. That was at about 1030am. I haven't heard a word since.
I don't think he went to work and I'm sure that she is talking her way back into the house and his heart. She isn't going to give up a "free ride" and a meal ticket without a fight. Oh, and not to mention having to go back to her h and have him tell her that he told her so. In one of his emails he said the same thing that we all say. They aren't with each other 24/7, paying bills, dealing with everyday life, work and each others faults on a daily basis.
Other than being a little, okay a LOT anxious it's a quiet day here. I finished my errands and am settling in for what I hope will be a quiet drama free evening.
I'm certain that there will be more to share in the days to come. I'll be back to share the next chapter of his journey as it unfolds.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
Nothing like teenage drama to make your day a lively one. LOL! I'm sure the ow has wormed her way back into his good graces. You might want to stock up on ice cream, as I think this sounding board drama will be continuing for quite some time.
Well, the old saying "be careful for what you ask for" fits your h's lifestyle right now.
You handled the situation exceptionally well and I honestly don't know how you kept from saying anything or laughing. My hat's off to you!
I'm grabbing a seat on the curb and will be watching this parade as it zooms by.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My only comment was, "she doesn't know you very well if she said that about you". He looked at me and smiled and of course agreed
Good job of biting your tongue and sticking to the high road.
Now, it's possible that after that tantalizing tidbit, they'll make up and move forward for a while. She, after all, has a lot riding on this and will probably go out of her way to make up with him. Don't take it too hard if that happens - this ain't gonna last. He's already tired of her, and she won't be able to change her spots for long.
Meanwhile, keep having an interesting and fabulous life yourself.
Wow. Just... Wow. (Wiping popcorn butter off my fingers). You showed remarkable restraint.
I still worry that the OM in my situation *is* Mr Perfect, who has none of my faults, (or any of his own, appearently) etc.... But, I keep hoping there's already cracks showing.... And remember not to believe anything she says, and half of what I see. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
What you saw was not cracks, but an explosion! :-)
You have NO idea how hard it was. I believe the hole in my tongue will heal though. You can imagine the things that I was thinking and I did have to focus on something else beside his "story" now and then to keep from laughing. It was difficult though because I didn't want to miss any of the details.
Yes, a teenager in "love" creates more drama than a daytime soap opera. I've been there done that, 4 times as a matter of fact. I recognize the behavior, the emotional distress etc. All of mine got through it unscathed and I'm praying that he does too.
I think that I've finally realized that I can't fix him, help him or even guide him right now. My motivation is, to do so would only anger him and/or cause this journey to go on longer. He was waiting for my opinion or advice on the situation. That's the reason for his comment that I was awfully quiet. I know it doesn't make him happy when I don't respond to him the way I use to but he doesn't push it or get angry any more. It's the new normal for me!
Thanks for the pat on the back. It means a lot to hear that.
I hope you have a chair to sit in, the curb could get awfully uncomfortable. This parade is going to go on and on and on!
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
kml, I'm sure that you are right. She has everything to lose by not s^cking it up, saying and doing whatever it takes to hang on to him. No expectations on my part. I know that he's just beginning this journey. He will more than likely be one of the mlcers that take twice as long as others to complete the journey.
Btw, I had the 2 dozen roses sitting in a prominent place, where I knew he would see them but he was so focused on himself and situation that he didn't see them either of the times he was here. Maybe he'll be back before they wilt. LOL!
I have been taking better care of myself since he's living elsewhere. It was so stressful having him here that in some ways I wish he had left sooner. I've gained a few pounds back and I'm sleeping just a little bit better. I've got to work on that a little more.
Thanks for stopping by. Those of you who have been around for so long have seen and heard everything. We are all fortunate that you've hung around to help us stay on track.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
LOL! That butter can be so hard to wipe off, can't it? I don't know how I held back my real feelings. If you've read some of my previous posts you know that I have a tendency to lean toward sarcasm. I have learned NOT to do that any longer.
Don't worry about the om being mr. perfect (he doesn't deserve the respect of capital letters). We all have faults including your w and the om. I'm certain that you've been working hard to correct what faults you may have had. You're right, don't think that this is all about you and your "faults", it's more about her and her unhappiness with herself.
I'll have to find you're thread and read. Are you on MLC or ?????
Loved your observation about the cracks. It WAS a major explosion and she's got a lot of making up to do to hang on to him! Stay tuned.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
Thanks for the input. It's so hard keeping my mind from wandering to fantasies of what she's doing, and if she's really happy, better off, etc. If you read my latest about her snooping, it probably shows that she's not perfectly happy about what she's doing. Unless she's just trying to find evidence that I'm insane.
I was all over the place because I couldn't figure out where to be, but kind of settled there (even though I hate that post subject I ended up with). Ah, well.
Maybe he'll be back before they wilt. LOL! 