Need help detaching

[chl0901]

Hi lost, how exciting that your little man is almost ready to make his debut! You must be excited and also nervous (I know I was before having my S). You sound ready and prepared - hopefully, detaching from your H will be a little easier for you once the baby is here, since you will be just a little busy!

Beware of the hormones the first couple of weeks after the baby is born; I didn't expect to be so affected after delivery (I've never been very moody or had many mood swings), but I cried every day for 10 days (I couldn't help it!). I was sooo relieved when I "evened" out and felt so much better. I didn't expect to get the "baby blues" so I had a really hard time with that. Just a heads up! Best of luck!

[completelylost]

Lost Hope, I feel your pain literally jumping through the computer screen. I can only imagine how tough of a time this must be for your family. I'm not an expert on DB but since my last blow up with my W i've totally surrendered my situation to God. What has yielded has been the best mind state i've had since the BD. We all here go through so many emotions reading, saying, doing pleading and then some. One thing i've come to realize is that we here are all human and our experiences often shape out thoughts and beliefs, do you get a wide ranging view point. The great thing about DB is it is solution based. What's that mean? Well it varies on who you talk to... One thing I read in the bible that struck me was this: "Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her." I bring that up because that is a really deep statement this is so hard because it deals with unconditional love even when you aren't being loved back. I've been so caught up in "DETACH" that I "thought" it meant don't feel, be concerned or all the other negative perceptions that followed. And it's easy to get caught in that mindset especially when you see all the things your S is doing that hurt you. Why? beacuse it's in our nature, we will let you down at some point.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

I know this might go against "some of the rules" but be you... Be kind, be compassionate, love your husband, pray for him. Draw close to Christ and he will draw close to you. God can and will soften your husbands heart.

In a passage from a book i'm reading: "Challenge yourself to risk EVERYTHING to be a vessell of God's unconditional love. It will transform you and your relationships, starting at home. Use the love word indiscriminately, even reckelessly. Ask God to empower you to be uninhibited in love."

Love without reservation... Hang in there God cares deeply for you and what you are going through. He sees your pain. Lean on him! And although I don't know you, I love you and I believe in you dear.

[chl0901]

Hi lost! Hope you had a nice weekend - was just stopping by to check on you. Hope you are doing well - wondering if baby is here since you haven't posted in a few days??

[Mimi00]

I hope all is well with you too LH! Hope this is a peaceful and positive week for you and that the baby is happy and healthy. Focus on you and your little one. I hope your H's hardened heart is melted upon first sight of his child and he becomes more supportive no matter what happens in the R

[chl0901]

Hi lost, was just checking in again! I assume baby is here now and I hope everyone is healthy and feeling good. Please check in when you get a chance!

[littleGTO]

Hi, lost,

Checking in with you...just as others have asked...has baby arrived and everything is okay???

Thinking of you and praying for you & your sweet baby!

-turtle

[lost_hope]

Thanks Making changes. I really appreciate all the well wishes on here! The best thing happnened to me. my son made his debut two weeks early. He's almost two weeks old now. We had a nice delivery and he's professing very nicely for an early baby. It's as if he wants to catch up with where he should have been. he's totally adorable and strong in body as well as spirit. I'm totally in love with my son. I can barely put him down.

As for my H he has embraced his father duty with enthusiasm and he seems to be truly looking forward to our new house. I broke down several times and told him ILY. ESP emotional before my c section bc my mom was supposed to be there too and of course since baby came early she couldn't be there. He "thawed" out a bit, says good night' kisses on lips (just a tap) and "lets me" hug him. I will just see how things go but I know it's just bc of the emotions of having our son and even then it's me who initiated.

Think I'll be pleasant but take a step back on the ILY and affection. I didn't fuss when he went out to play hockey (he does once a week). I'm really trying to chill out.

Emotionally I am actually ok. My son is an avid breat milk drinker so I haven't even had a chance to consider an anxiety meds. But bigger than not considering them I actually don't feel I need them. I'm of course exhausted but have not had feelings of extreme anxiety or depression. I truly hope i am able to make it through without meds bc I really want to keep breastfeeding him as long as possible.

I'm nervous for my future but I'm way too busy to obsess about it like I did before. Anyway. Thanks again for all your help and concern.

[chl0901]

Hi lost, CONGRATULATIONS! What an exciting and special time for you. I am glad you are feeling okay and not too overwhelmed at the moment! I am also glad your H is being okay at this point and not causing you too much stress at the moment. Continue to enjoy your new blessing!

[Mimi00]

Congrats! Enjoy this time w/ you little one

[hotwheelsaust]

Congratulations on the birth of your son.