Suckerpunch needs a life

[Positivespin]

SP-

Call a therapist and try to get a psychiatrist NOW. In most places you wont get in quick so set appointments up now. Also, as you prob already know, it takes 3+ visits for sig change.

Being a MVP client of professional help for most of my life I know that in most cases it is the most efficient way out of the muck your stuck in. You are in the suck and I dont want you to feel overwhelmed and/or hopeless/helpless.

You need to start with a plan and goals that you can control the outcome of 100%. Your daughter is going to need a strong Daddy in every way- Thats how I designed my goals.

In the beginning I walked.....I was the forest gump of walking. I then purchased a bike. I know that if I sit I dwell- If I dwell I go to a ugly place in my mind. So EVERY TIME i was bored or thinking negative I would walk or ride until my head was numb and I started to sing - all alone.

I dont know what you do workwise however I became involved with the chamber of commerce and the United way. I suddenly was surrounded by positive action focused people. Those two organizations always need help. Becoming a member of a boys/ girls club is usually inexpensive and they usually have lots of activities classes. My local high school also does PM classes - Im going to learn the guitar and speak Mandarin

Divorce is horrible and sucky and many other words- Its even worse if you become so emotionally broken that you take years to get back on your feet.A benefit of all this work will be that if /when W and boytoy hit a bumpy patch you will be in a position to choose if you want to pick up the pieces- because you will be so detached you will CHOOSE.

I was where you were....Im doing ALOT better now- You will too. The choices you make now will determine how long it takes you to get there.

Do it for your daughter - She needs a strong Daddy.....no matter what happens

[swoop]

Thanks so much PS. I like the idea of no idle time. I have been spending a LOT of time just focusing, sitting, dwelling and thinking how bad life is. Yesterday I worked my tail off doing heavy construction at my business. I didn't have time to think, let alone dwell, so that made the day go by better. Unfortunately, anytime I take a short break, my mind goes right back to the dark places.

I will research psychiatrists, if my state of emotion doesn't start to subside after the weekend.

[PatientMan]

suckerpunch,

I have battled depression for years and refuse to take medication. I'm not saying that's the best route to go, and I'm certainly not diagnosing you, but I have found out quite a bit through trial and error.

For me, I respond well to routine, so I discovered that forcing myself to go through the motions, even when I didn't feel like it, pulled me out of depression faster than anything else.

I found specific things in my life that I knew were healthy for me, and I just went ahead and did those things, even when I didn't want to because I knew it would help. Things for me were, as examples:

• eating healthy (and enough, as [often] I had little desire to eat)
• exercise
• church
• spending time with my kids

And even though I didn't necessarily want to do those things going in, I never regretted doing any of them afterwards. So I learned to always do things that I knew I wouldn't regret, and to not cop out on myself by skipping those actions because I knew I would regret not doing them later on (it has a way of continuing the downward spiral, and you need to generate upward momentum).

So my advice is: Have no regrets. Don't feed the depression monster. Fake it 'til you make it.

I know how you feel and it sux. All the best.

-PM

[swoop]

I am settling back down a little. I am still having a couple battles with tears here and there, but overall I am feeling better and more solid. That was a rough week!

I have had almost zero contact with wife, the exception being a couple facebook messages she sent, explaining that her cell phone had broke. Therefore, I was unable to have any contact with daughter since Wednesday. It kind of makes me mad, because I am sure wife could have borrowed her BF's phone, pay phone, etc. so that I would be able to speak with my daughter. I was not able to physically see her because W and D spent the weekend with OM, apparrently. They were not on our property, other than for a few minutes saturday morning, I was told. It is what it is, I guess. I get daughter back today at 3pm.

Wife asked to swap visitation days with daughter, because she is leaving with OM on a trip mid week.....again, being very irresponsible with her finances. I am torn about how I will reply this time. I have been EXTREMELY flexible with all of her requests lately, but this is getting to the point of being ridiculous. On the other hand, it really is no inconveinence to me, but I feel she needs to start scheduling her activities around our parenting plan. I would appreciate any thoughts on this....

[Harrier]

suckerpunch,

I have battled depression for years and refuse to take medication. I'm not saying that's the best route to go, and I'm certainly not diagnosing you, but I have found out quite a bit through trial and error.

For me, I respond well to routine, so I discovered that forcing myself to go through the motions, even when I didn't feel like it, pulled me out of depression faster than anything else.

I found specific things in my life that I knew were healthy for me, and I just went ahead and did those things, even when I didn't want to because I knew it would help. Things for me were, as examples:

• eating healthy (and enough, as [often] I had little desire to eat)
• exercise
• church
• spending time with my kids

And even though I didn't necessarily want to do those things going in, I never regretted doing any of them afterwards. So I learned to always do things that I knew I wouldn't regret, and to not cop out on myself by skipping those actions because I knew I would regret not doing them later on (it has a way of continuing the downward spiral, and you need to generate upward momentum).

So my advice is: Have no regrets. Don't feed the depression monster. Fake it 'til you make it.

I know how you feel and it sux. All the best.

-PM

I'm sorry but this is downright dangerous to suggest this. First if all, you aren't qualified to diagnos anyone let alone perscribe any treatment. Depression drugs have literally saved millions of lives. Yes there are bad reactions and side effects as with any drugs, but that is no reaon to suggest somone should talk with someone about them. In fact, it could be lethal.
Most depression drugs work best with therapy. Or therapy alone can be effective

The brain chemistry involved in diagnosed depression is such that Faking it isn't realistic. It just doesn't work like that.

I'm happy you seemed cured yourself, but I'd leave everything else to experts.

Sucker. If you are feeling a little better now is the time to act on getting checked out. Many times people go thru the cycle of depression don't act when they are feeling better and have no way to cope if/when they sink. I wish you the best.

[littleGTO]

Hi, SP,

Sorry I haven't posted to u in a while. Dealing w my own "stuff."

Just wanted to pipe in that I've been thinking about u off & on & your sitch.

Interesting that your perspective is that "singles out there" aren't really married people at heart, yet there are so many of us DBing that are right there with you "out there" thinking exactly the same thing!

"Fake it until you make it" does help me. When I am focusing on my sitch and not in the present w my kids I go and interact w them and usually end up having fun and feeling so much better afterwards. I do have to force it to start, but I know it changes to "making it" somewhere along the way!

I agree that NOW is the time to seek counseling/help. You will (as you know) cycle through these emotions over and over and over. So, even though you've made it through a rough week, you know very well it isn't the end of those emotions.

Stay strong, my friend! You are definitely not in a boat by yourself even though it may feel that way!

[AnotherStander]

I am settling back down a little. I am still having a couple battles with tears here and there, but overall I am feeling better and more solid. That was a rough week!

Glad you're feeling better. I'd still go talk to a doctor about getting back on A/D's though, because it sounds like you were in pretty deep!

It kind of makes me mad, because I am sure wife could have borrowed her BF's phone, pay phone, etc. so that I would be able to speak with my daughter.

Try to refocus, instead of blaming your W figure out if there's a way to resolve this on your own. Maybe buy a cheap disposable phone for D so you can talk to her whenever you want without needing your W to facilitate it.

Wife asked to swap visitation days with daughter, because she is leaving with OM on a trip mid week.....again, being very irresponsible with her finances.

Whenever I read something like that it just makes me think of LABug's "stinking thinking" quote. That kind of thinking just fosters a negative attitude. Refocus!

I am torn about how I will reply this time. I have been EXTREMELY flexible with all of her requests lately, but this is getting to the point of being ridiculous. On the other hand, it really is no inconveinence to me, but I feel she needs to start scheduling her activities around our parenting plan. I would appreciate any thoughts on this....

If it's no inconvenience to you then do it. You need to start thinking of her as a coparent, not your W. The long and short of it is that you are upset because she's going with OM. If she was going to visit a sick friend or family member I'm sure you wouldn't care, right? You need to get yourself to a point where there is no difference to you. You shouldn't care whether she's going to see a sick friend or going to jump naked out of a plane. All you should care about is your schedule and whether you can accommodate her request or not. If you can't then fine, tell her that. But don't refuse just because you don't like what she's doing with her time, that's not your business anymore. I'm not saying you need to approve of what she's doing, I'm just saying you have got to quit letting it affect you so deeply. Make everything about YOU and your D. Leave your W alone to make or break her own life.

[labug]

SP, I do hope you get the treatment you need.

Harrier makes some excellent points.

A parent's depression can affect their children, take care of your D by taking care of you.

[PatientMan]

suckerpunch,

I have battled depression for years and refuse to take medication. I'm not saying that's the best route to go, and I'm certainly not diagnosing you, but I have found out quite a bit through trial and error.

For me, I respond well to routine, so I discovered that forcing myself to go through the motions, even when I didn't feel like it, pulled me out of depression faster than anything else.

I found specific things in my life that I knew were healthy for me, and I just went ahead and did those things, even when I didn't want to because I knew it would help. Things for me were, as examples:

• eating healthy (and enough, as [often] I had little desire to eat)
• exercise
• church
• spending time with my kids

And even though I didn't necessarily want to do those things going in, I never regretted doing any of them afterwards. So I learned to always do things that I knew I wouldn't regret, and to not cop out on myself by skipping those actions because I knew I would regret not doing them later on (it has a way of continuing the downward spiral, and you need to generate upward momentum).

So my advice is: Have no regrets. Don't feed the depression monster. Fake it 'til you make it.

I know how you feel and it sux. All the best.

-PM

I'm sorry but this is downright dangerous to suggest this. First if all, you aren't qualified to diagnos anyone let alone perscribe any treatment. Depression drugs have literally saved millions of lives. Yes there are bad reactions and side effects as with any drugs, but that is no reaon to suggest somone should talk with someone about them. In fact, it could be lethal.
Most depression drugs work best with therapy. Or therapy alone can be effective

The brain chemistry involved in diagnosed depression is such that Faking it isn't realistic. It just doesn't work like that.

I'm happy you seemed cured yourself, but I'd leave everything else to experts.

Sucker. If you are feeling a little better now is the time to act on getting checked out. Many times people go thru the cycle of depression don't act when they are feeling better and have no way to cope if/when they sink. I wish you the best.

I specifically said I wasn't diagnosing him or recommending my route. "Fake it 'til you make it" is an extremely common recommendation on this forum and in the DB book for going through this emotionally tough time.

-PM

[KarenR]

I am glad you are feeling a little better. It would be a good time to get some assistance, as it is much harder to make appointments and follow through when you are so down. If you aren't talking to anyone, please consider talking to a DB coach. If you call me I will suggest the coaches that deal with depression as well as the other issues that are going on in your family. Take good care.