One giant leap forward!

[T1000]

My old thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2365472&page=1

My sitch has changed in a big way even though my W probably hates me more than ever.

There is going to be some good times and some really down right bad times but anything at all is better than drifting, not knowing and waiting for a whipping.

It's been over a year now I have finally cut the whipping chord and concentrating on me. I'm the only one I can fix.

[Fartiltre]

T,

WOW, wish I could do what you are at the moment!

First: I didn’t realize that you have had the children every weekend for a year! I am so impressed by your dedication and this puts your W comment about you taking two days off in some perspective!

Then,
Sandi2 did point out some things in her post – again and as expected! This is something I dare have expectations towards. I agree with her that this won’t be the last you have heard from W. She will properly keep coming but sex-control I hadn’t thought off! That’s a good one to remember for you! (And for me if I ever get there!)

I haven’t got that much to offer you at the moment – only all the best and a lot of prayers. You have been and are truly doing great!

I have one question for you and Sandi2. How do you respond to this:

I believe the biggest one will be coming on to you for sex.

How do you handle this? Simply turn her down?

F

[T1000]

T,

WOW, wish I could do what you are at the moment!

First: I didn’t realize that you have had the children every weekend for a year! I am so impressed by your dedication and this puts your W comment about you taking two days off in some perspective!

Then,
Sandi2 did point out some things in her post – again and as expected! This is something I dare have expectations towards. I agree with her that this won’t be the last you have heard from W. She will properly keep coming but sex-control I hadn’t thought off! That’s a good one to remember for you! (And for me if I ever get there!)

I haven’t got that much to offer you at the moment – only all the best and a lot of prayers. You have been and are truly doing great!

I have one question for you and Sandi2. How do you respond to this:

I believe the biggest one will be coming on to you for sex.

How do you handle this? Simply turn her down?

F

I find it hard to imagine W trying to initiate sex any time soon. Even though she might be getting annoyed at my lack of reply she has said she is done with me.
It will take a while for her to maybe turn this into her really pursuing me to prove a point.

I guess I'm going to find out sooner or later if that is the case.

I am curious to what would happen in that situation if the WAS comes onto the LBS and initiates sex. After if sex takes place the LBS carries on as they were and doesn't get sucked in by it all or at least puts a front on, how would the WAS respond/handle that?

I know the WAS is trying to prove they can still get the LBS but is it not a trap to get them on board so they can pull back and deny further sex/R?
If the LBS has sex but doesn't fall for the rest what could happen from there?

[T1000]

I could turn it down. Just knowing what it would mean either way would stop me.

Would it not be worth getting into that situation (if the opportunity arose) to be able to turn it down just for the statement or is that way too manipluative?

[T1000]

*manipulative

[labug]

Who's manipulating who then?

And is that who you want to be? Does it help you to understand why other's use manipulation? Just another way to take our hurt and put it on someone else.

You had some good realizations about your W at the end of the last thread. She is someone you love/loved and you have children together. Can you view where she is with empathy for what she's been through while recognizing that you may not want to be in a R with her and let her move on?

Figure out who YOU want to be and be that. Let her figure her stuff out.

Move forward.

Get out of her head and into yours.

[Fartiltre]

As much as I agree with Labug I do get your line of thinking!
And as an experiment of thought I do find the question interesting!

F

[AnotherStander]

It's been over a year now I have finally cut the whipping chord and concentrating on me. I'm the only one I can fix.

T, this is good, and you are correct, but...

I am curious to what would happen in that situation if the WAS comes onto the LBS and initiates sex. After if sex takes place the LBS carries on as they were and doesn't get sucked in by it all or at least puts a front on, how would the WAS respond/handle that?

I know the WAS is trying to prove they can still get the LBS but is it not a trap to get them on board so they can pull back and deny further sex/R?
If the LBS has sex but doesn't fall for the rest what could happen from there?

The above is all about what the WAS is thinking and what their actions mean. Go back to your first thought, concentrate on YOU. YOU are the only one you can fix. Your question needs to be this: "If I have sex with my WAW, what does that mean to ME? Is it GOOD for me or BAD for me?" Like MWD says in DR, if it messes with your head then don't do it. Don't try to figure out what it means to your W, that's mind-reading.

[T1000]

Good point.

I think I'm still at a place where I dislike who she is and what has happened but I'm slowly getting there.

I get a little carried away when we discuss maybes and what ifs. Then you turn up and 2x4 the mind-reading out of people.
It's good to be brought back down to earth.

The manipulating is game playing and I need to be life living.

[T1000]

Your right AS, have to try not to mind read and concentrate on me.