Circles no more

[shouldistillhope]

Going to start a new thread since this seems to be the beginning of a new chapter for me. Hopefully someone can post a link to my old thread since i am not very good at getting that to work.

Well, house goes on the market today. For any of you that have followed my sitch, you know that i received ilybnilwy right at the beginning of a major remodeling project i had undertaken myself on our home. One of her complaints was that i did not get her the new kitchen i had promised a year ago (didn't have enough funds at the time.)

Also, final D papers are ready for me to sign and the D will be final at the end of this week.

I have learned a lot through this process with tons of help from all of you, and i want to thank each and every one of you for that. Emotions are still all over the place, but better than they were 4 months ago. I have found out some ugly things about W as far as hiding purchases on credit cards and how she was dealing with our finances and even though i realize i need to change my life from this point on and keep working on myself, i now understand that even if she told me she was wrong about filing for D and wanted me back, it wouldn't work out. Just too many variables with her and things she said she wouldn't work on or even try.

I am running a balancing act between anger and depression (mild) these past couple weeks, but hopefully as time passes, i will be able to deal with these more productively and move on from them.

I sure have made my share of mistakes in our M, but i now have come to terms with the fact that it is not all my fault and until both of us are willing to change, we will not be able to have a R like this again with each other.

Funny thing though, i still hold out hope that someday the fog will lift for her and we can try and work on a new R in the future. Over time i am wondering if that feeling will diminish and that scares me in a way.

I had an amazing past 5 days with my sons. We went to the same campground that we had been going to the last 10 years when W and I were still married, and for the first day or two i really struggled with my emotions and not letting them see me down. They ended up having a blast and that is all that matters to me at this point.

I wish i had a crystal ball to tell me what the future holds, because being patient is not a strong suit of mine at all. I just found out that the last concert my W and i went to on my 40th birthday is going to be back again in Sept. This was the last good time we had together and i am looking forward to asking her if she wants to go with again. The problem is, this will only be 2 months after D and i know that is pursuing and i know better, so i will not ask her, and maybe try and see if i can go myself. I still see a future with her down the road, and i just cant seem to let go of that right now.

I am nervous about what the future holds, but in a way, i am excited as well. I will keep posting as the days and weeks go on in case she contacts me and i need advice from you folks.

Stay strong everyone and good luck. I wish i had found all of you sooner, but it just didn't work out for me this time.

[BKS]

shouldistillhope,

Sorry about the D. Keep working on yourself. I would recommend that you find a good friend and go to the concert with him/her. I know it would be hard for me to do it but that is what GAL is all about. Moving forward with your life so that you may find happiness. You deserve to be happy as we all do. Keep up the fight for your M if that is what you choose to do. You get to decide when to you have had enough and only you can decide it.

Just because she blames you for everything doesnt make it your fault. Its not your fault that she chooses to leave. It is her choice to do so. Dont believe it when she tells you that it is your fault. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!

God Bless and take care of yourself and the boys. My prayers are with you.

BKS

[2chiquitos]

I would suggest you attend the concert but go with someone else or better yet a group of friends. You want to heal from the D and inviting her may not be the best approach. Take care of yourself first.

[shouldistillhope]

Thank you both for the advice.

Need some input on how i handled a text conversation with my W after work yesterday. I received numerous texts from her throughout the day pestering me about when can i meet with the realtor to sign papers and when am i going to go sign the divorce papers. I was busy at work throughout all of this and at the time, i didn't know if i could make it to the realtor or not.

She just kept pushing and texting trying to get me to commit to something i wasn't sure of at the time.

I was getting pretty fed up with it all, but was being as polite as i could.

Finally after the whole day of texting, i told her that i could meet with her and the realtor after work to which she replied "the realtor double booked so can you meet with her on Wed or Thurs?"

I replied that i would get back to her. She then said "i am not trying to be pushy, but i need to know. And also, when are you going to go and sign the D papers?

That seemed to be the last straw for me and this was my final text to which came no reply.

"Please stop shoving this divorce down my throat. You are getting what you want. I am signing the papers after work."

I am probably deserving of a 2 x 4, but anyone got any ideas as to how i should have handled it better? I didn't respond to her texts right away, usually waiting an hour or two before responding. I just feel like i need to handle meself better in those situations.

Let me have it everyone!

[AnotherStander]

Hopefully someone can post a link to my old thread since i am not very good at getting that to work.

Here you go:

Going in Circles

[AnotherStander]

I am probably deserving of a 2 x 4, but anyone got any ideas as to how i should have handled it better? I didn't respond to her texts right away, usually waiting an hour or two before responding. I just feel like i need to handle meself better in those situations.

Actually I think you did just fine. I can see how what she was doing would get annoying, your response showed it was getting under your skin without being too inflammatory. Just because we're DB'ing doesn't mean we have to kiss our WAS's butt all the time, LOL!

[shouldistillhope]

Thanks AS,

Your reply actually put a legitimate smile on my face for the first time in awhile it seems.

By the way, how are things going for you lately? I follow your sitch very closely, but i can't offer much in the way of DB'ing since i am pretty new to this, but i hope you are hanging in there as well.

[AnotherStander]

By the way, how are things going for you lately? I follow your sitch very closely, but i can't offer much in the way of DB'ing since i am pretty new to this, but i hope you are hanging in there as well.

Thanks! I'm doing really well, I'm very content, at this point I'm pretty sure my W will never change her mind and I'm OK with it. Unfortunately she was just diagnosed with breast cancer, I posted info in my thread on that. I think she'll be fine, but there are going to be some difficult months ahead for her and I'm not sure if she's going to postpone the D or proceed. I'm not pressuring her either way, just told her I will support her as a friend through the treatment process however she wants me to.

[2chiquitos]

Hi SSH,
What was her response after you sent the text?? Next time breathe before responding. I understand it hurts to feel pressured about something as touchy as this. I remember telling/yelling (at) my H "I'm not made of stone! I have heart!"

[shouldistillhope]

Hello 2ch,

I appreciate you stopping by. How is everything with you?

She did not respond to my text at all, although lately it has been a day or two and then I usually get an apology from her which is as rare as bigfoot.

It has not been standard policy for either of us to apologize when we were wrong unfortunately. We are both very stubborn people.

Something I realize but it is hard to break the habit all at once.